5 Reasons Christian Men Need a Strong Support System
- Rhonda Stoppe Speaker and Author
- Updated May 29, 2024
I recently watched a training video for a Biblical Counseling class I attend. The video showed a counselor and a client having a real conversation about the struggles he was facing in his life. What stood out to me was that at the very beginning of their session, the man being counseled revealed how his wife had pressured him to come in for help. He said something like, "I don't know. I feel like she doesn't think I can handle things. Having to talk to a counselor makes me feel like I've failed and I can't figure things out on my own."
These words reveal what many self-reliant men have come to believe under the influence of our society, where men are expected to be resilient and independent. The reality is that everyone, regardless of gender, can benefit from meeting with a counselor and from having a network of supportive friends. Finding a certified counselor is essential at certain times in life, but let's not discount the value of having a group of supportive friends who can make a huge difference in our lives.
In this article, we'll discuss why men need a strong support system and how it can boost their overall well-being. However, the support of friends cannot replace the help of a certified counselor. So, please take steps to meet with a counselor if you sense you are in need of professional help.
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1. Emotional Resilience
Slide 1 of 5You need a safe place to express your emotions, process feelings, and receive validation. We all do. It's uplifting to receive love and support from friends who understand you and cheer you on. Having solid friendships is key to supporting your emotional strength and helping you deal with life's ups and downs. Men who have this type of support tend to fare better in the arena of life. Having a solid network of friends, family, and mentors is key to building strong personal and professional relationships that are genuine and real. If these supportive friends are Christians, their advice will be more likely grounded in a biblical worldview, so their feedback can help improve your perspective and grow your trust in Christ.
The next time you feel like you're drowning in one of life's unexpected storms, remember you are not alone. There are men out there who have walked this road ahead of you. Their wisdom is profound, and their support will be a breath of fresh air to your weary soul. The Apostle Paul said, "…So that we may be able to comfort those who are in affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God" (2 Corinthians 1:4). That's God's plan. He raises up others who have endured similar experiences to comfort you with compassion and care because they've been in your shoes and they know how you feel.
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2. Relationship Building
Slide 2 of 5Did you know that strong relationships are key to overall well-being and happiness? God created us to live in community with each other. "Iron sharpens iron and one man sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17). He strengthens us as He sharpens our character together in the bond of Christian love. Men who have a supportive godly network of friends, family, and mentors are more likely to enjoy fulfilling relationships in all areas of life. In our book, my husband, Steve, says, "Men wrestle with feelings of inadequacy and loneliness."
This phenomenon is not unique to just one or two men. This is a genuine struggle for most. That is why it is essential, for your own sake and others, to get out of the pew and truly engage in relationships with your church family. Attending services on Sunday morning only to disappear until the next Sunday will not build a connection with others. Rather, determine to engage in a small group men's Bible study and serve alongside other brothers in Christ. This is a great way to foster solid friendships with a purpose that is blessed by God. When you build strong connections with other men, it can reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation and foster a sense of belonging and purpose. For more on this topic, read my article: 10 Things You Might Be Doing Wrong if You Have No Friends at Church.
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3. Physical Health
Slide 3 of 5Don't underestimate the power of developing strong social connections with other men. Research reveals that men with robust social ties also tend to enjoy better physical health. In general, men connect while they are doing something together. Whether that activity is playing basketball, golfing, or running a marathon together, men connect emotionally while they exert themselves physically for a common goal. For example, in our church family, there is a group of men with young families who have recently begun training for marathons together. They have competed together in relays, marathons, and various competitions. The time they have spent together training for their events has proven to knit their hearts and lives together in more ways than simply athletic achievement. The camaraderie they experience gives them a sense of belonging, physically challenges them toward better health, and persuades them to cheer one another on in their physical aspirations. Take time to consider how you can develop a support system for yourself and others that will encourage healthy habits that can positively impact your overall health and emotional well-being.
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4. Mental Well-Being
Slide 4 of 5Seeking professional support will make a significant difference in overcoming mental health challenges. Taking care of your mental health is extremely important for you and your family. It is no surprise that research reveals that men are less likely than women to seek help for mental health issues. This resistance can lead to higher rates of untreated conditions such as depression or anxiety. Meeting with a certified counselor is an important step to take when you're dealing with depression, anxiety, or other mental health disorders. So, please begin there. It's perfectly normal and extremely vital to reach out for help when you need it. Please know that you're not alone in this journey. Whether it's scheduling counseling sessions with a professional, or joining a support group, having someone to listen, understand, and give practical advice can help you process your thoughts and heal your mind. Bottling up feelings can really mess with your head and your relationships. So, have the courage to find a biblical counselor and engage in a good support network that will give you space to talk about what's going on when you're dealing with life's difficult circumstances.
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5. Spiritual Growth
Slide 5 of 5A strong spiritual support system is by far the most important engagement for men seeking community and well-being. Think of the example of Jesus and His disciples. For three years, these men camped and fished together. Did they know then that Jesus was training them to one day become the men who would, for the sake of the gospel, "turn the world upside down" (see: Acts 17:6)? In community, the disciples grew spiritually while learning to deeply love Christ. And their love for one another became profound as well. Even when Jesus died, and before His resurrection, these heartbroken men found refuge together as they grieved the loss of their Savior. When life didn't make sense, they clung to one another, went fishing together, and comforted each other with Jesus' words. Spiritual growth in community is God's plan for you. So, ask Him to guide you toward Christlike men whom you would want to emulate. Join their Bible Studies. Invite them to coffee. Pay attention to their stories of God's faithfulness in their lives. Relationship building is a two-way street, so be ready to share your own stories with them, too. In an article by Kile Baker, he observes, "The greatest need for a man is for his story to be heard."
The case is clear and compelling. Men need a strong support system. By stepping out of your comfort zone into genuine relationships with other men, not only will you be blessed, but your behavior will normalize community building to our next generation of young men. When you seek the help that you need, foster a sense of community, while prioritizing building and maintaining strong friendships, you are more likely to experience an overall sense of well-being, emotional resilience, and your own personal and spiritual growth. Remember, it is absolutely acceptable to seek assistance. Rely on others and cultivate a network of supportive relationships that have your best interest at heart. Then, reach out to other men who need to learn how to engage in robust supportive networks. Strong support groups don't happen by accident; you must have the courage to step out of your comfort zone to engage with other men who will benefit from fostering genuine Christ-honoring friendships, too.
Photo credit: Ryan Lane from Getty Images Signature via Canva ProRhonda Stoppe is a best-selling Christian author of seven books. With 40 years of experience in helping women build no regrets lives, Rhonda has become a highly sought after voice in the Christian living community. She has written hundreds of articles for Crosswalk.com and other popular magazines. Rhonda has appeared on The 700 Club, 100 Huntley Street, Family Life Today, Dobson’s Family Talk, and her interviews at Focus on the Family have been named in their Best Of Episodes 2021 & 2023. “I could have listened to Rhonda talk all night,” is what listeners say. Her speaking platform includes: Homeschool conferences, (MOPs) MomCo, MomCon, Legacy Grandparenting Summit and more. She is the host of the award-winning podcast, Old Ladies Know Stuff. Rhonda has over 40 years experience as a pastor’s wife, speaker, mom coach, marriage mentor, mother of four–and did we mention she’s a grandmother of 15! Find out more about Rhonda at NoRegretsWoman.com.