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5 Signs the Person You Love Is a Narcissist

5 Signs the Person You Love Is a Narcissist

A narcissist is someone who only cares about themselves. Rather than truly loving you, the only person they love is the reflection in the mirror.

While many people name-call others narcissists in the modern day, there are certain things to look for when it comes to narcissists. If you have noticed that the person you love has any of the traits of being a narcissist, it might be time to end the relationship.

A narcissist will never be able to love you as you deserve. God created marriage to be between one man and one woman. The man is to care for his wife as well as the woman should care for her husband.

How will a husband be able to properly love, care, and cherish his wife if all he is thinking about is himself? In the same way, how can a wife fully love her husband if she is only thinking of her own wants and desires? As believers, we need to be aware of narcissists and ensure that we do not fall into their trap.

Jesus tells us to be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves (Matthew 10:16). By utilizing what Jesus tells us here, we need to be smart in our dealings with others. Narcissists have a way of controlling and manipulating people to get what they want.

This can even include winning your affection or love. While you might love them, they do not love you back. This can be a hard pill to swallow, yet it is something that must be done if we are going to be able to pursue healthier relationships in the future.

Chances are that if you are reading this article, you have an inkling that the person you love is a narcissist. It could be things you have noticed on your own or maybe someone has mentioned your significant other has narcissistic tendencies.

Whichever the case, know that it is perfectly normal to look into matters yourself. If you discover that the person you love is a narcissist, try to talk with them about it, but also understand that narcissists often believe that they are incapable of doing anything wrong. If this is the case, the best thing to do is to walk away from the relationship.

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  • wife looking upset with husband looking away on couch, ways you're making conflict in marriage harder for yourself

    1. They Don't Care about You

    One tell-tale sign the person you love is a narcissist is that they don't care about you. This can be shown in many different ways, including not being there when you need them, not listening to you, and not loving you as Jesus loves the church. None of these things are okay. In no way should the person you love treat you badly.

    In fact, the love you have with the person you love should be greater than any other love in your life outside of God. 

    The love you have for a partner is shown in the way that you both care about each other, carry each other's burdens, and are there for each other through thick and thin. If your partner is not doing these things, then it is a tell-tale sign that they are a narcissist.

    Think about what you want in a partner. Is it to have someone who couldn't care less about you? Most of us would say no. In fact, most of us would say we want our love to care about us more than anyone else.

    Since this is true, there is no room in your life for a narcissist. They will only drain your time, your life, and your heart. God has a special person for you, but it is not the narcissist you find yourself with today.

    This individual will never be able to love you as Jesus loves the church. They won't be able to guide you in the Lord nor will they be your constant companion. Instead, they are going to only be looking out for their own interests and wants. You deserve a great love–not a love that is one-sided.

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  • 2. They Don't Go Out of Their Way to Help You

    2. They Don't Go Out of Their Way to Help You

    A second tell-tale sign that the one you love is a narcissist is that they don't go out of their way to help you. Think about the last time you were sick. Was your partner there for you?

    Did they make you soup, keep you company as you had to rest, and bring you extra covers or were they out with their friends, nowhere to be found? This is a great question to ask yourself because it will challenge you to see the truth.

    Someone who loves you will be by your side no matter what. It doesn't matter if you're sick with a virus, recovering from surgery, or working through mental health concerns. If a person loves you, they are going to go out of their way to help you and to stay by your side.

    You may already be noticing if your partner does this or not. If they are not doing things, it is a dead giveaway that they are a narcissist.

    A narcissist only thinks about themselves. They are not going to go out of their way to help you. While many scholars and doctors are undecided on the matter, it seems to be that most narcissists are incapable of loving others.

    Their first and top priority is themselves. You do not need to put yourself through this difficulty any longer. There is a great person out there for you, but the first step is leaving the narcissist.

    Try your best to remind yourself that a narcissist will never be able to love you. They will only manipulate you and do anything to make you feel bad. True love is not like this at all. True love is found when a person loves you for you and loves you without conditions or standards.

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  • Couple a part on the couch

    3. They Forget Important Events

    A third tell-tale sign the person you love is a narcissist is if they forget important events. What I mean by this is that they forget things that are important holidays or events, such as your birthday, your anniversary, or a special art show you are involved in.

    Someone who truly loves you won't forget these important events. If the person you are with has ever forgotten your birthday and wasn't upset about it when you addressed it, you can know that they are a narcissist.

    As someone who has known many narcissists, I can attest that they always think everything is about them. Even if you are having a big event in your life, they somehow make it about themselves.

    This could possibly be the reason why they forget important events that matter to them. Whether they actually forget them or purposely don't care about them is up for debate; however, what is known is that they do not care about the things that matter the most to you.

    Life is too short to spend it in love with a narcissist. You might think you are in love with them, but are you really? Or maybe they are just someone to pass the time with.

    Even if you do find yourself in love with a narcissist, know that you will never be able to have a long relationship with them because they will continue to do things to hurt you, such as forgetting major events.

    Someone who loves you wouldn't forget your birthday, a big job promotion, or your one-year anniversary of dating.

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  • Man and woman on a coffee date

    4. They Love Bomb You

    A fourth tell-tale sign that the one you love is a narcissist is if they love bomb you. This is a tactic to get you to stay in order for them to continue to manipulate you and put you down.

    Maybe sometimes they are really interested in you, but other times, they are indifferent to you. This is not the mark of a healthy relationship. A person who loves you will love you constantly. They are not going to get hot and cold all of a sudden.

    Narcissists love bomb you to give you the false belief that they love you. They will send you flowers, tons of presents, and gifts, only to make you talk to them or see them again.

    This is not healthy in any form or fashion. With time, this can begin to be controlling and take up your entire life. Just because someone sends you a gift does not mean they love you. A narcissist is only sending you gifts and special things in order to manipulate you.

    If you have noticed that the person you are with is obsessively sending you gifts and presents, it could be they are love bombing you. Love bombing can also be connected with abuse as well as someone who is mentally unstable.

    The best thing you can do in this situation is to take a few steps back and distance yourself from this person. If they call, don't answer. If they text, don't answer. They are not worth your time, and it is best for them to know now rather than later.

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  • couple in marriage counseling

    5. They Seek to Control You

    A fifth tell-tale sign that the person you love is a narcissist is if they seek to control you. Similar to the last point, narcissists want to control others.

    They do not care about your own well-being, nor do they care about your mental health. In order to get what they want, they will do anything and everything. As one can see, this is very dangerous and not real love.

    Nobody should control you. The only person that is in charge of you is you. Don't give that power away to someone else. You might be caught up in the bliss of a false hope of love right now but know that this feeling will pass.

    A narcissist will never be able to be the partner that you need. Instead, they will do many things that will hurt you, cause you to question yourself, and make you feel you are not good enough.

    If you find yourself in a place today where you are certain the person you love is a narcissist, it is time to end the relationship. This person will never truly be there for you, love you, or be the husband or wife God intended for you to marry.

    If you are already married to this person, encourage them to seek out help. If they are not willing and they have been abusive to you in any way, it might be time to end the marriage. God does not want you to endure abuse for any reason.

    There is hope for a better life, but it will never be found in a relationship with a narcissist. The five tell-tale signs to watch out for are if they don't care about you, they don't help you, they forget important events, they love bomb you, and they seek to control you.

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    Vivian Bricker author bio photoVivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master's degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.