5 Signs You Might Need Marriage Counseling (and Why it’s Okay!)

1. Lack of Communication

One of the biggest reasons couples start going to marriage counseling is a lack of communication. A lack of communication can do terrible damage to your marriage. Whether you have been married for many years or only for a short time, impaired communication will cause many problems. If you have noticed bad communication with your spouse, marriage counseling will be able to help.

Know that there is nothing wrong with going to marriage counseling when you are struggling with communication. Consistent contact with one person every day can quickly become taxing and stressful. You think you said something, only for your spouse to not have heard it. Or you were telling them something important, and they were distracted by their phone. All of these things can impair communication and significantly impair your marriage in the process.

It is completely okay to go to marriage counseling, and there is no room for shame in your life. The very act of you and your spouse going to marriage counseling attests to how much you care about each other and want to preserve your marriage. None of us are perfect, as we all fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). As great as our spouses may be, they also fall short of God’s glory, and sometimes we all need a mediator to help us in our conflicts. Marriage counseling will be able to help us in this area.

2. An Absence of Intentionality

Intentionality within marriage is something I first heard as a vow. One of my friends from college was getting married, and she told her husband that she vowed to love him with intentionality. I have been to many weddings, yet I have never heard such a profound vow before. My friend was telling her husband that she would love him with intention. How many spouses are currently doing this? Is there time and energy being intentionally placed forward within your marriage?

An absence of intentionality will result in a marriage where no affection or meaningful communication will be shared. Within marriage, both partners need to be intentional in their love for each other. This can be difficult day in and day out, which is why a marriage counselor will be able to help you in this area. It is perfectly okay to reach out for help because we all need help navigating different phases of life.

If you want to get a head start on being intentional in your marriage, do something intentional for them today, such as doing the laundry for them because you know they have been up all night tending to the baby. Or maybe you could bring home dinner tonight so that your spouse won’t have to cook. There are many different ways to be intentional in your marriage and by taking this first step of intentionality, you might find it will bring more joy to your marriage.

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3. Emotional Scarceness

Many times, husbands or wives can start distancing themselves from their spouses because of things they are going through. This might be going through depression, the death of a loved one, or being diagnosed with a physical health condition. All of these things can cause our spouses to separate themselves from us. It is more common in men than women to block out their feelings and to refrain from sharing what is truly on their minds. This is due to the toxic masculinity that is rampant in our culture, as many men do not even know how to share their feelings.

Emotional scarceness can start showing up when feelings, thoughts, and concerns are not being shared. It can feel hurtful when your spouse isn’t open with you, or you feel they are hiding something from you. This is why it is important to start working with someone who can help. God wants our marriages to blossom and bloom, yet they cannot do this if we don’t take the first steps to help us get there.

Through therapy, your marriage counselor can help your husband or wife come to terms with their feelings and learn how to share them in a healthy way. There is no reason under the sun to feel ashamed of talking about these matters with a marriage counselor. Some would argue that counseling is beneficial for all people as it can help equip you with the tools for your personal life, your mental health, and your relationships, including marriage.

4. Infidelity in the Present or Past

While infidelity is never a word we like to hear, it is common—even among Christian marriages. If infidelity has occurred in your marriage and you and your spouse want to try to preserve the marriage, then it is a beautiful thing to go to marriage counseling and it is very much needed. This very act shows that the person who committed infidelity in the marriage truly wants to work out matters. While infidelity is considered a reason to leave a marriage (Matthew 19:8-9), it is a wonderful thing when both partners want to save the marriage.

Infidelity happens, and while that is never okay, it is okay to get help. A marriage counselor will be able to help you work through this difficult situation, how to bring the matter before God, and how to heal from this trauma. The person who committed infidelity is often treated as the “bad guy;” however, all feelings need to be expressed. Sometimes, there is no reason why the person committed infidelity, but sometimes there is.

Working through the reason can help in your own healing process as well, although it might be painful at times. Infidelity is not something that will heal overnight, but if both partners are dedicated to saving the marriage, your marriage can become stronger for it. Friend, if you are the person who was cheated on, know my heart goes out to you. God sees your pain, and He will give you healing. Trust Him with all of these feelings and take your time to process them with Him as well as through counseling.

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5. Struggles with Infertility

Something that my grandparents struggled with was infertility. My grandma had over ten miscarriages before her son was born. Sadly, her son only lived to be seven years old due to suffering from ventricular septal defect. After he passed away, my grandma struggled with terrible depression, and this caused her and my grandpa to go through a brief time when they were separated. Thankfully, my grandparents were able to work through their grief together and became a stronger couple because of it.

After struggling with more miscarriages, my grandma finally was able to have another baby, who lived well into adulthood. This baby was my mother, and sadly, she passed away from heart disease too, although it was much later in life—yet still far too soon. My mother being born to my grandparents was a blessing to them, and they always cherished their relationship with their daughter, going to great extents to show their love for her.

My grandparents were able to work through infertility, yet they would have benefited greatly from marriage counseling during this difficult time. It could have prevented my grandma from suffering from depression, as well as it could have stopped my grandma from lashing out at my grandpa and cutting him out of her life for so long. If you are going through infertility or have in the past, rest in the comfort of knowing a marriage counselor can help you. You and your spouse have grief that needs to be talked about and shared with each other. Marriage counseling is the perfect place to be vulnerable, share your feelings, and ultimately, find a safe place in each other.

Related:

5 Steps for Successful Christian Marriage Counseling

7 Must-Have Qualities to Look for in a Marriage Counselor