5 Things Christian Parents Need to Know about Gentle Parenting

1. They Don't Have to Forsake Discipline

Discipline is still key when it comes to parenting children. Kids need discipline from authority figures. However, authority can often be misused and abused. People told Jesus he was "one who preached with authority." Jesus never forced people to comply with knowing his father. Rather, he spoke gently to others and allowed them to choose their own way. However, even in Genesis, we see God discipline his children. The Bible says, "So the Lord God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken. After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side of the Garden of Eden cherubim and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life" (Genesis 3:23-24).

If we love our children, we will discipline them. However, this does not mean we have to adopt discipline models similar to those our parents used, especially if they were inappropriate. We can use gentler disciplinary styles like timeout or expressing emotions in healthy ways. When allowing a child to express himself, it's important to validate their feelings but not allow those feelings to dictate their behavior. Discipline also helps children with emotional regulation. Emotions are a natural part of our humanity. However, emotions should never rule a child's actions. A parent who uses gentle parenting will allow their children to let their feelings be heard yet resolved appropriately. Appropriate action will not be dictated based on their emotions.

2. Gentle Parenting Is Not Passive Parenting

Sometimes, parents confuse gentle parenting with passive parenting. This means they don't have a hand in their children's actions. They do this for fear if they find them doing something they shouldn't be doing, they may have to resort to yelling or other destructive behaviors that will hurt their child's self-esteem. However, gentle parenting is one in which a child can navigate their world and yet hear the word "No" in positive ways. Gentle parenting does not mean allowing your child to do whatever they wish but rather helping them navigate good behavior versus bad behavior. Bad behavior results when safety issues are at hand. Passive parenting is never good if a child is seeking out behaviors that will cause them to be destructive to themselves or others. However, a gentle parent knows that a child will make mistakes and helps them deal with those mistakes in a gentle, humble way.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Yuliya Taba

3. Gentle Parenting Still Requires Boundaries

In Genesis 2, God tells Adam about the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. He creates a boundary and tells Adam he can eat fruit from any of the trees, just not that one. God is still being a loving parent by giving Adam boundaries as to what he can and cannot do. God did not take away that tree to withhold something from Adam. Instead, that tree help was the key for Adam and Eve to become independent rather than interdependent from God. Parents can help their children have a healthy interdependence on them by establishing good boundaries. This means letting younger children know what they can and cannot touch or use within their home. A parent may use obvious modes of protection like locks on toilet covers so the child does not get into places they shouldn't, but rather places boundaries the child knows where what is safe and what is unsafe for them.

Boundaries draw the line between what is theirs and what is others. Parents need to help children create good boundaries from the beginning. By establishing healthy boundaries and helping children understand the necessity of those boundaries, kids will grow up understanding what is theirs; they need to protect and honor yet respect other people's boundaries.

4. You Can Still Reward Behavior

Gentle parenting uses less punishment methods and more reward-based methods. For example, a child having a tough day dealing with jealousy from a sibling may still be able to have rewards if used effectively. For example, a child can experience jealousy. However, they cannot carry their jealousy around for an indeterminate amount of time. Instead of punishing the child for their jealousy, help them understand that jealousy is natural, yet will not benefit them if they continue to be jealous. When a child turns away from jealousy and instead shares a toy with a sibling, for example, reward that behavior. It helps them understand that their emotions are natural but not necessarily something they should obey. In our humanity, because of the fall of sin, our emotions may feel right to us. However, they are not accurate tools with which to navigate their world. If they do this, they will learn to become impulsive and make decisions based on their evil desires. Children need parents who understand that not every desire needs to be fulfilled. They need to understand the difference between good desires and evil desires. When good behavior is rewarded, they understand what to do in the future and know how to change their emotions to something positive that can be used constructively for their benefit.

5. Gentle Parenting Is Loving

Above all, gentle parenting demonstrates a parent's great love for their child. A child who's struggling to understand a parent's love will do so if a parent uses negative actions such as yelling, manipulation, or control to teach their kids to make good decisions. Your child may also learn that being an individual and making their choices is bad. A parent who is present with their child in gentle ways and helps them experience difficult situations but supports them through their decisions will learn of their parents' great love for them. God loves his children. But our experience with our earthly parents skews how we view God's love for us. A gentle parent can change that by demonstrating Jesus' presence in their lives.

Parenting is not easy. Using negative emotions and actions to get a child to act a certain way is easy. However, gentle parenting is when a parent allows their child to make their own decisions with healthy boundaries, so they know what is good and what is bad. When they reward good behavior rather than punish bad behavior, they will learn that they are not bad people beyond repair but God's children who make mistakes. God's love through Jesus' death on the cross teaches them that God's love is infinite, eternal, and everlasting.