5 Things to Consider if You Are a Wife Struggling with Submission

1. Identify Why You Are Struggling

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her." (Ephesians 5:22-25)

Wives, let's face it; it's not hard to submit to a man who is submitted to God. One who walks in the ways of God and loves us unconditionally as commanded in Scripture. Paul does not end his instructions after imploring wives to submit to their husbands in everything. In the same breath, he asks husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. Husbands are called to love their wives sacrificially. So much so that they would lay their lives down for them in a heartbeat.

God's perfect will for marriage is for the husband and wife to oscillate between love and submission. A man who is submitted to God inspires trust and respect from his wife. Submission by his wife becomes a natural response to his loving leadership. A wife will struggle to submit when she doesn't sense love and proper leadership from her husband.

If the idea of submitting to your husband is repulsive, try to dig out the cause. Are you resentful about some unresolved issues in your marriage? Do you feel like your husband doesn't love you as he should? Seek an audience with him and try to iron out the issues. If the issues at hand feel too overwhelming, consider seeking the help of a professional counselor or your pastor to help you navigate them.

2. Remember All Authority Comes From God

"But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." (1 Corinthians 11:3)

The world would be in utter chaos if it were devoid of authority and systems of governance. God has established various forms of authority in the world and wants us to be subject to them. For example, children are under the authority of their parents, a church congregation is under the authority of their spiritual shepherd, and citizens are under the government of the day. Paul, in the above Scripture, clearly states that just as the head of every man is Christ, and the head of Christ God, the head of woman is man.

We may or may not like that arrangement as wives, but that's how God's designed marriage to work. Eve was created as a helper to Adam, signifying that Adam was her leader. Further, Paul taught that every soul should be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the existing authorities are appointed by God (Romans 13: 1).

If you are struggling to submit to your husband, it helps to bring to mind that God, in His wisdom, has placed Him as an authority over you. It is not even His doing but God's.

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3. Wives Should Only Submit as to the Lord

Thankfully, Paul clarifies that wives are to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. This means that our first allegiance is to God. We do not submit if our husbands are asking us to act in disobedience to God. In Acts 5, we see Peter and the apostles doing many signs and wonders and having many people turn to the Lord.

This got them into trouble with the high priest and the Sadducees. They firmly prohibited them from teaching in the name of Jesus besides imprisoning them. Peter and the other apostles, however, defied that authority. Their answer was, "We ought to obey God rather than men" (Acts 5: 29). Likewise, wives ought to obey God rather than their husbands.

Little wonder that Annanias's wife was not spared death after colluding with her husband to lie to the Holy Spirit (Acts 5:1-11). She was not excused for having submitted to her husband's authority. She ought to have obeyed God, period. On the contrary, Abigail saved her household because she did not submit to her husband's foolish ways (1 Samuel 25). Nabal insulted David's men and refused to help them. This is after David and His men had been overly kind to Nabal's men, protecting them and not taking advantage of them.

On hearing of Nabal's foolish reaction, David was incensed and sought to kill all the males in his household. Nabal's wife Abigail intercepted him, bearing gifts, and earnestly pleaded for forgiveness. She did all this behind her foolish husband's back. She knew it was not the time to be submissive to Him. She was on a mission to save her household.

In the same way, submission to our husbands has limits. We do not submit when doing so would be disobeying God. For example, if a husband urges his wife to lie about something or join a cult, she should not submit to him. Another area where wives should not submit is when their lives are in danger. Any form of physical, verbal, or emotional abuse from a husband to a wife that puts her life at risk should be swiftly reported to the authorities.

4. Look at Your Husband with a Fresh Set of Eyes

Undoubtedly, wives have a front-row seat to their husbands' failings. Perhaps your husband has the memory of a goldfish, forgetting important dates like birthdays and anniversaries. Perhaps he is a poor listener and always dons a bewildered look after you are done talking, unsure of what you just said. Maybe he spends too much time on his phone and is bad at prioritizing. Whatever failings husbands have, you bet their wives are fully aware of them.

As such, wives may struggle to submit if, when they look at their husbands, all they see are their flaws. Paul urged the Corinthian church to regard no one according to the flesh. He went ahead to explain that if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old things have passed away, and all things have become new (2 Corinthians 5:16-17). It's important to see beyond our husbands' shortcomings and view them as God's appointed authority over our lives.

5. Submission Can Win Over a Husband to Salvation

"Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear." (1 Peter 3:1-2)

In the above passage, Peter explains that submission from a wife to her husband is a very potent tool. It transcends persuasive words and has the potential to win over a man to salvation. It disarms a man when he observes his wife submitting to him, especially when he does not deserve it. It stirs him up towards change.

Submission is, therefore, not a weakness; on the contrary, it is shrouded with strength. Jesus submitted to his father's will and willingly died for our sins. As a result, God has highly exalted Him and given Him the name that is above every name (Philippians 2:9). When we humble ourselves through submission to our husbands, God elevates us.

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