5 Tips for Balancing Marriage and Extended Family This Thanksgiving

1. Prioritize Your Marriage with Mutual Love and Respect

The foundation of any successful marriage is a deep commitment to prioritizing your spouse, as Genesis 2:24 points out: “A man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” From the very beginning, God designed marriage to be a sacred union where two people become one, united in love, respect, and purpose. This foundational principle gives you an important starting point when thinking about balancing your marriage and extended family. During Thanksgiving, there can be competing demands for your attention – both from your spouse and from your extended family. Genesis 2:24 emphasizes that your first responsibility is to your spouse when you marry. This means that your primary emotional and relational commitment must be toward building and protecting your marriage, even during family gatherings. The challenge arises when external pressures, such as expectations from parents or siblings, interfere with this unity. Perhaps one set of parents wants you to spend the entire holiday at their house, or your extended family members make passive-aggressive comments about how much time you’re devoting to your spouse versus them. While it’s natural to want to please both your spouse and extended family, Genesis 2:24 reminds you that your marriage must come first. Before the holiday season begins, sit down with your spouse and discuss your plans, expectations, and feelings about how to balance time with both sides of the family. Be intentional about creating boundaries that allow you to nurture your marriage while also showing love to your extended family. For example, you might decide to alternate Thanksgiving celebrations between families each year or carve out specific “just us” time during the holiday to reconnect as a couple. When challenges arise, remember that the priority God has given you is to your spouse; communicate this with gentleness to your extended family.

2. Strive for Peace in All Your Relationships

Family gatherings can sometimes be a source of conflict. Maybe there are unresolved tensions between certain family members, or perhaps someone tends to stir up drama during what should be a peaceful occasion. During stressful times, Romans 12:18 offers wisdom for navigating tricky dynamics: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” This verse acknowledges that while you can’t control the actions or attitudes of others, you are responsible for your own behavior and attitude. Peace is an essential fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22), and as a Christian, you’re called to be a peacemaker in your relationships. At Thanksgiving, this means going the extra mile to avoid unnecessary conflicts, extend grace, and foster a peaceful atmosphere in your home or in the homes of others. Striving for peace doesn’t mean avoiding difficult conversations or pretending problems don’t exist, but it does mean approaching each situation with humility and love. When you’re at a family gathering and someone says something hurtful or offensive, you have the choice to either escalate the situation or de-escalate it by responding with grace. Striving for peace also means being mindful of your own stress levels, especially when the demands of marriage and family start to feel overwhelming. Leading up to Thanksgiving, pray for the Holy Spirit to fill you with peace and to guide your interactions with family members. Prepare your heart by meditating on Bible verses about peace. When you find yourself in tense situations, remember Romans 12:18 and ask yourself how you can contribute to peace in the moment. This may involve letting go of minor offenses, seeking reconciliation where possible, or simply listening compassionately to a family member in need. By striving for peace, you honor both your marriage and your extended family, while helping to create an atmosphere of love and respect.

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3. Honor Your Parents, But Establish Healthy Boundaries

One of the Ten Commandments God has given is the command to honor your father and mother. Exodus 20:12 says: “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” This remains a core principle for how you’re called to treat our parents throughout our lives, and it applies even after you’re married. Honoring your parents means showing them respect, love, and gratitude for the roles they’ve played in your life, especially during holidays like Thanksgiving. However, honoring your parents does not mean allowing them to overstep boundaries or dictate the terms of your marriage. Since your primary loyalty shifts to your spouse after you’re married, you need to create healthy boundaries with your extended family. Boundaries are essential for maintaining the health of your marriage and making sure that family expectations don’t overly consume your time and energy. During Thanksgiving, honoring your parents might involve making an effort to spend time with them, involve them in your holiday plans, or simply show appreciation for their love and care. At the same time, setting boundaries might mean clearly communicating that certain decisions – like where you spend the holiday or how much time you devote to each family – are decisions you and your spouse make together. Consider ways you can both honor your parents and maintain healthy boundaries with them this Thanksgiving. Perhaps you can involve them in your holiday plans in a way that doesn’t interfere with the unity of your marriage. This might include inviting them over for a portion of the day, scheduling a separate gathering, or simply calling to express your gratitude. It’s also important to communicate clearly and kindly with your parents about your boundaries, especially if they have strong expectations about how the holidays should be spent. Honoring your parents while maintaining boundaries is a balancing act, but one that brings both peace and respect to your family dynamics.

4. Practice Humility and Selflessness in Your Marriage

Marriage and extended family dynamics during the holidays can often bring out opportunities for selflessness. Thanksgiving may stir up feelings of competition between families, conflicts about whose traditions to follow, or frustrations when things don’t go as planned. Philippians 2:3-4 provides valuable wisdom in these situations: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” This verse speaks to the importance of humility in all of your relationships, especially in marriage. Humility means putting the needs of your spouse ahead of your own desires and being willing to compromise for the greater good of your relationship. During Thanksgiving, this might mean yielding on some issues, like what dishes to prepare or how to divide time between families. It might also mean being willing to let go of your own traditions in order to create new ones together as a couple. Selflessness is also key when it comes to extended family. If tensions arise between your spouse and your family, practice humility by listening to your spouse’s concerns and finding ways to support them. At the same time, approach your extended family with the same selflessness, seeking to honor their needs and desires without compromising your marriage. This Thanksgiving, practice intentional kindness in your marriage. When making decisions about holiday plans, consider how you can serve your spouse and make them feel loved and valued. If conflicts arise, remind yourself of the call to humility and ask God to give you a servant’s heart. Selflessness requires sacrifice but also leads to deeper love and unity in marriage.

5. Trust in God’s Plan for Your Family

During the Thanksgiving season, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the pressure to meet everyone’s expectations. As you deal with the demands of extended family or the stress of hosting, you may find yourself anxious about how to please everyone while maintaining peace in your marriage. In moments like these, Jeremiah 29:11 offers a comforting reminder: “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” God knows the plans He has for you and your family, and those plans are for your good. This verse encourages us to trust that God is in control, even when family dynamics feel complicated or strained. No matter how difficult your relationships with extended family may be or how challenging it is to balance your marriage and family obligations, God is ultimately in control. He is working for your good, both in your marriage and in your extended family relationships. As you prepare for Thanksgiving, take time to reflect on God’s faithfulness in your life and marriage. Surrender your worries to God, trusting that God will guide you through any challenges or conflicts that come up – during Thanksgiving, and beyond. Make prayer a central part of your holiday preparation, asking God to give you wisdom, patience, and love as you interact with both your spouse and your extended family. Trusting in God’s plan doesn’t mean everything will go perfectly, but it does mean you can approach the holiday with peace, knowing that God is with you and will provide for everything you need.

In conclusion, balancing marriage and extended family during Thanksgiving can be challenging, but with God’s Word as your guide, you can manage it well and enjoy a Thanksgiving that strengthens your relationship with your spouse while nurturing meaningful connections with your extended family. This Thanksgiving, let these biblical principles guide your decisions to create a holiday season that honors your marriage and the families God has blessed you with. Remember that with God at the center, you can find peace and joy in all your relationships, no matter how complex they may be.