5 Truths to Cling to as an Exhausted New Mom

1. God Made You for This

Sometimes, we just need to be reminded that God designed and created mothers in a beautiful and unique way, vastly different than any other calling. In a society that doesn't always see the honor and distinct privilege of being a mother, let me remind you what God says about motherhood.

God says our children are a gift (Psalm 127:3). That we should teach and lead our children by faith (Leviticus 19:3, Proverbs 22:6). That we are to find strength and humble ourselves before Him and our family (Proverbs 31:25-29). And, we are to provide comfort and nurture our children with a gentle, firm hand (Isaiah 66:13, 1 Thessalonians 2:7).

That may sound like a lengthy list and one that may even feel unattainable, but let me remind you, God made YOU for this! He has equipped you with the right tools for this precious role. It starts in your mind as His love, Truth, and promises are laid out in His Word. He has embedded a rich and tender kind of motherly love that only you can give deep within your heart. And He touches your soul with gentle whispers, drawing in close when we seek Him through every season of motherhood.

2. Self-Care Is Essential

Those first few months are rough. Plain and simple. It was generally around week three that I found my body began to feel the ripple effects of little sleep and the lack of healthy eating habits. Then, add to that the physical weariness and the sudden onslaught of postpartum that hit me like a ton of bricks. I desperately needed self-care, but at the time, I felt selfish for even thinking that way.

We learn a lot about ourselves once we have children. We learn we are so much stronger and more resilient than we ever thought we could be, but we also quickly realize that our bodies were designed for rest, and in certain seasons (like being a new mother), we need tender, loving care. Even Jesus sought ways to isolate Himself and pray, seeking to lean into God and rest (Luke 6:16). I invite you to take the opportunity to listen to your body and give it a little reprieve. It could be as easy as taking a walk outside and listening to the sounds of nature, playing worship music, or putting on a pot of tea to relax after the baby goes down for a nap. But give yourself margin and allow yourself the time to refuel your mind, heart, and soul – without any guilt associated with it.

3. Bonding Takes Time

Maybe your sister or friend had this instant connection and shared this touching story of how quickly they bonded with their little cutie pie. And truth be told, if you read any parenting book or blog, the phrase is practically plastered everywhere – bond with your baby. But is it really that simple? For some, yes, this instant rush of motherly love may overtake them, but for others, it may take time.

To be fair, I had an instant connection with each of my daughters as soon as they were plopped on my chest. But once I got home, it was a whole other story. The connection seemed to fall apart and practically disappear between learning to breastfeed and soothe a baby that cried non-stop. Pretty soon, I was asking, "What happened? What is wrong with me?"

Bonding is unique and personal to each momma and baby. Depending on how your pregnancy or labor and delivery went (because we do tend to relive those days), it could be the reason you are enamored or sense a bit of a disconnect. There are a myriad of reasons, and in some cases, there are none; you just don't feel the bond, and that is okay! Really. This season can bring forth all kinds of new feelings, so if that intense, overwhelming, heart-warming "I can't believe you're mine" feeling hasn't come yet, don't worry. Your moment is coming, and once they steal your heart, you'll know.

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4. Breastfeeding Is Hard

You are bound to get A LOT of advice on this one. Everyone seems to have a voice when it comes to the way you feed your baby. I will admit I read all the baby books and planned to breastfeed whole-heartedly. I did my research and had several other close friends who made it look seemingly flawless, so I didn't question it much. That is until I found myself in a hospital bed, sobbing in tears with a lactation consultant who told me I had no colostrum or first milk production. I kept trying, but after a few weeks, with little supply and seeing that my baby was dropping weight drastically, I had to stop completely. I was devastated. I remember feeling that I had failed as a mom.

Breastfeeding is hard. It may come more naturally for some than others, but it still takes lots of patience, requires practice, and will most likely trigger many (upon many) emotional tears. We must understand that each and every momma's journey here is different, and if breastfeeding isn't the right option for you and your baby, you and your baby will be fine. Perfectly fine. I have three formula-fed girls who made it out of the baby years mostly unscathed. So, let go of the guilt, and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it. However, if you are enjoying breastfeeding, soak up that sweet and precious time. But either way, you must do what is best for you and your little one.

5. It's Okay to Say No (And Yes!)

Once your little one arrives, you may have a slew of family members and close friends that will bombard you with congratulatory texts, calls, or, in some cases, the unexpected visitors that pop up at your doorstep as my sweet parents often did – surprise! The excitement of a new baby brings out the giddiness in us all, especially with it being your first and possibly the first in the family. Just be prepared for that. But, now is not the time to feel like you have to respond as quickly to everyone, keep it together, or feel like the "hostess with the mostest."

If you aren't feeling up for visitors, but your mom suddenly stops by, take it as an opportunity to "say yes" and allow her to hold the baby while you shower or run to the grocery store. If you get a text that a friend wants to drop off a coffee, it's okay to say yes. Your house doesn't have to be clean, and you don't have to look put together; let those unrealistic expectations go. Real friends won't pass judgment and love you no matter what. But on the other hand, if you need a breather from people, you can just as easily graciously and politely pass on kind gestures. Either way, know that it's okay to be a bit vulnerable with your close family and friends in these times, letting them know what you need and don't need.

6. Pity Parties Happen

Let the tidal wave of emotions begin. Sometimes, all you need is a big pint of ice cream and a good old-fashioned blubber-mess cry. Sister, I am going to tell you right now that pity parties will happen, and they will most likely come on stronger than ever before. For one, you are getting little sleep, you don't recognize your body, social media lies about motherhood, and you just want to put on a new pair of pajamas and brush your teeth.

But let me encourage you with this. While this season can bring forth all kinds of emotions, making you feel sorry for yourself, please go back to #1. You were created for this! Yes, you will look and feel different. Your mind may feel a bit foggy right now, your body may feel stretched and out of shape, and your heart may feel as if it is on a ride of intense highs and lows, but God is using this time to define you! He is equipping you for this role, knowing that you will need strength to rely on Him throughout every season this beautiful title brings. So lean in, sweet sis, feel it all, and then hand it over to a great, Big God who has really big shoulders.

Oh honey, if you need a pity party, go on and throw one, but please remember that this too shall pass, I promise. This season doesn't last forever. You will find your rhythm, the romance in your marriage will return, and you will be able to find yourself again. So, go ahead and dive into the ice cream and have a really good cry; you are totally allowed!

In closing, just know that you are the perfect momma for that perfect little darling because you serve a good, gracious, and amazing God who chose YOU. So, snuggle that little one up and soak it all in. Have a good laugh, a tearful release (or both simultaneously), and once again…welcome to motherhood, dear friend! You've just embarked on the most amazing ride of your life!

Much love (and big, big, BIG hugs),

Alicia