5 Ways Christians Can Be Less Mean

5 Ways Christians Can Be Less Mean

Scripture repeatedly mentions positive traits when discussing the life of a believer. Through the work of the Holy Spirit, He produces in us the spiritual fruit of love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). Traits such as love, kindness, and goodness should distinguish the actions of Christians. Jesus said that others should recognize us as His followers because of our love for one another (John 13:35).

Despite this emphasis on love, many people do not view American Christians favorably. According to a 2022 study conducted by Ipsos for the Episcopal Church, those of other religions and no religion reported that they perceive American Christians largely as hypocritical, judgmental, self-righteous, and arrogant instead of loving or compassionate. In contrast, the Christians in the study viewed themselves as giving, loving, and compassionate. How believers view themselves is vastly different than what others see.

We could easily shrug off these findings, thinking that the results do not apply to us. Surely we already act loving and kind to others, right? However, the world views a lot of us negatively. The participants in the study must have had unkind and unloving encounters with believers. Perhaps their criticism is worth reflecting on and considering.

If we are honest with ourselves, there are a lot of mean Christians. Individuals who profess to love Jesus but at the same time make racist and xenophobic comments. Or groups of believers, who would fit better in a movie like Mean Girls than a Bible study group. Christians who snob those who do not meet their standards.

The problem is not just with others as if we can point fingers at a select few. Each of us can struggle with a mean spirit at times. We might judge those who look differently than ourselves or allow politics to poison our hearts with hate.

Instead of feeling annoyed or defeated by the news that lots of people view Christians negatively, we can use the information to inspire growth. There is work to do if we want to better reflect who the Lord intends for us to be – loving individuals who point people to Christ. We can take the first steps to making a change.

Let’s examine five ways that all of us can do better at not just being less mean but being kinder and more loving.

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    1. Renew Your Mind to View People from a Biblical Perspective

    Looking down on others because they are different is unkind. The action tells the other person they are not valuable, worthy, or welcome. A Christian should not treat another person, who is made in the image of God, in such a manner.

    If we find ourselves judging and looking down on others because of their clothing, socioeconomic status, the way they talk, or the color of their skin, then we need to renew our thinking with a biblical perspective. Take a step back from the situation and reflect on the truth of God’s Word.

    Every person has worth because they are humans created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). Scripture tells us that we are wonderfully and fearfully made (Psalm 139:14). We commonly use that verse in support of the value of unborn life, but it also applies to all people.

    In our interactions, we should remember that Jesus died for all people, to offer salvation to anyone who believes (John 3:16; 1 John 2:2). The individuals we meet are humans, just like us, who need to know about Jesus. Even if they have already placed faith in Christ, we should pour love and kindness into their lives, not hate.

    Our sinful flesh might tempt us to show favoritism to people who are like us, but the Bible teaches against such partiality (see James 2:1-13). We are not to show special favor to others, regardless of whether they are rich or poor. God does not show favoritism, and we should not either (Romans 2:11).

    We need to renew our minds with biblical truth to treat others with respect and kindness instead of a judgmental spirit.

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    2. Cut Back or Eliminate Political Media from Your Life

    Another way to be less mean is to reduce the amount of political media we consume. A lot of the discussion in the political realm is hateful and pits people against each other. Extremist groups want this so they can leverage the fear and hate. By watching or reading news and other media dealing with politics, we can quickly develop an unloving attitude towards those we disagree with or do not understand.

    Americans have a reputation for getting into intense arguments over politics. However, Christians should be known for their love and care for others (John 13:35). As followers of Jesus, we should not want to get swept away into a political argument that will lead us to say and do hateful things to others. Our focus should be firmly set on living as Jesus calls us to.

    If we have already been ensnared by politics, then we need to spend time prayerfully examining ourselves. Is being a follower of Jesus our priority, or being affiliated to a certain political party? There is nothing wrong with engaging in politics, but are we keeping it in its proper place? Are we listening more to news and media, or God through His Word?

    Jesus said that we should quickly and effectively get rid of anything that causes us to sin (Matthew 5:29-30). We commonly apply this teaching to things like certain movies, shows, or music. However, this applies to political coverage too. Allowing politics to poison our hearts with hate is not pleasing to Christ and only leads us to sin.

    Cutting out sin from our lives might look like reducing the amount of news coverage we watch or read. For example, we could unfollow politically focused news or unsubscribe from social media feeds and websites. A person may even decide they will need to eliminate all forms of political media.

    Reducing or eliminating political exposure in our lives can help us love others better.

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    3. Seek to Include Others Instead of Excluding Them

    In addition to looking down on others and developing a hateful attitude from politics, a Christian can also act mean if they are part of a clique. These exclusive groups are not just present in schools or the workplace. Churches can have cliques, too.

    Cliques are well-known for being cruel and controlling. They only want certain people in their group who look, dress, and think like them. Outsiders are not welcome, and friendship outside the group is frowned upon. Gossip and drama often go hand-in-hand with cliques.

    Most of us know that cliques are not biblical, but their presence in congregations shows that people still participate in them regardless of scriptural teaching.

    If you are a member of a clique, maybe even someone who is the head of one, and recognize the harm it does to others, then you are in a good position to make a change. Turn away from promoting clique behavior and ask Christ for forgiveness. He is faithful and just to forgive (1 John 1:9).

    Instead of excluding people in your interactions, reach out and talk to others. At church, seek to include everyone in Bible study discussions or other events. Speak to that person sitting alone.

    In everyday life, try to extend your sphere of friendship. Meet people who are different than you and learn from them. In every encounter, remember to treat all people the way you want to be treated (Luke 6:31).

    Christians can be kinder by dismantling cliques and developing an attitude of hospitality toward others, even if they look or think differently.

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    4. Cultivate Empathy

    Another way to be less mean is to develop empathy. Sometimes, we can treat others carelessly if we do not understand them. To remedy this, we can practice empathy, which is when you try to understand and feel what another person thinks or feels. To use an analogy, you try to step into their shoes and see things from their perspective.

    When we start practicing empathy, we mirror our Savior’s attitude. He entered humanity to save us. Our Savior relates to us because He has experienced what it is like to live as a human. As Hebrews 4:15 says, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin” (NIV).

    One way to cultivate empathy is to listen. When spending time with others, focus on hearing what the other person is saying. Listen with the goal of understanding, even if you do not necessarily agree with them.

    Another practical way to become more empathetic is to serve others. Jesus said that He did not come to be served but to serve others (Matthew 20:28). He encouraged the disciples to follow His example (John 13:12-17). We all can benefit from humbling ourselves and taking the attitude of a servant.

    In practical terms, this could look like getting involved with a church group or ministry that regularly serves others in the community. There are many options, regardless of where we live. Opportunities abound at soup kitchens, homeless shelters, pregnancy crisis centers, nursing homes, and food pantries. Giving of ourselves to help those struggling or in need is a great way to develop a heart of compassion that reflects the love of Christ.

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    5. Live What the Bible Says

    In the study I mentioned at the beginning of the article, the participants viewed Christians as unloving. They also did not believe Christians practice what they preach. The lesson is clear: We can know all the right doctrines and recite entire portions of Scripture. However, if we do not apply the Bible to our everyday lives, then we are hypocrites like the Pharisees (see Matthew 23:3).

    Studying the Bible is not about feeling better about ourselves or achieving the life we want. Followers of Jesus read and meditate on Scripture so they can obey the Lord. He told us that if we love Him, we will keep His commands (John 14:15). To do that, we must be doers of the Word, not hearers only (James 1:22).

    To be kinder and more loving, we must become more serious about our study of the Bible. This might mean working to apply a portion of Scripture to our lives for days or weeks, refusing to turn a page before we learn to live out the truth of a verse. Or maybe, foregoing TV and other media so we can meditate more on Scripture, allowing the Word to renew our thinking and actions. Instead of only reading for head knowledge, we should also read for heart change that leads to action.

    When we seriously study the Bible to live in obedience to God, the world will take notice. Our actions will testify to the truth of who Jesus is and what He has done in our lives. Instead of being viewed as mean, Christians will be defined by their love and kindness when they apply God’s Word to their lives.

    We all can take steps to be less mean and more loving. Let’s start today by turning away from media and actions that fuel hatred, judgmental attitudes, exclusion, and hypocrisy.

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    Sophia BrickerSophia Bricker is a writer. Her mission is to help others grow in their relationship with Jesus through thoughtful articles, devotionals, and stories. She completed a BA and MA in Christian ministry, which included extensive study of the Bible and theology, and an MFA in creative writing. You can follow her blog about her story, faith, and creativity at The Cross, a Pen, and a Page.