5 Ways to Prioritize Your Marriage in the Postpartum Season

1. Keep Life Simple

As much as it is in your ability, do what you can to simplify your life in that postpartum season. Say 'no' lots to everyone you love. Say 'yes' to meal trains, takeout, and anything that makes life easier. Commit to being home together as much as possible. Soak in the snuggles, discuss the struggles, and be together in this precious moment.

Ease back into work, life, friends, and more! Don't sprint back to normal because your marriage is the easiest thing to take last place when a new baby plus all your responsibilities need to be managed. Make 'simple' your marriage mantra until you both feel fully ready to step back out into your old roles.

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2. Check in Often

Emotions run wild the weeks after giving birth or welcoming a child into your home! With each of my kids, I experienced some level of euphoria, life-changing love, exhaustion, depression, crippling anxiety, and more! That's a lot to process. Dads also deal with uncertainty, joy, love, tiredness, and more. Basically, our emotional plates are full when new life is brought into our homes. We need to make a point to be available to each other to help process some of what we are feeling.

Check in multiple times of the day, asking each other how we are feeling and how we can help each other, and being willing to share as best you can. Practicing this vulnerability will strengthen your marriage as many, many more seasons of uncertainty are on the horizon. Parenting is never a dull journey!

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3. Relax Together

Do not plan elaborate dates together; instead, plan to relax whenever possible together. If you have bigger kids, let them watch TV while you both nap while the baby naps. Send the older kids to grandma's house or the babysitter's so you can just be home on the couch with that new little one in the swing for a while. Don't attempt the Whole 30 right now. Eat all the carbs together. Fitness and weight loss are something for the future. Just support each other in the effort to nourish your body during an incredibly physically and mentally taxing season.

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4. Show Affection

This may be harder for us Mommas because our bodies are over-touched, needed, and so drained in the months after having a baby. Yet, a strategic hug from your husband may be what you need to help your body unwind. It also reminds each other that even though your bodies feel different and overused, you are still committed to loving each other. A lot of insecurity is felt, especially for birth moms in the months after having a baby. Nothing is as it was! Words of affirmation, gentle affection, and reminders that you are beautiful for the work your body has done are powerful. Make sure to put in the effort to see each other and still show each other tenderness even in the midst of the crazy!

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5. Encourage Each Other

I remember getting home from the hospital with my first 6-pound baby boy and needing to use the bathroom. I froze because I had no idea how to potty with a baby. Did I put him on my bed? In the crib? Do I hold him while I potty? Do I put his bouncy chair in the bathroom with me? He just felt so fragile, and at the young age of 25, I felt totally clueless about how to do life while caring for this kid I loved so very much.

Parenthood is wild! It's a learn-by-trial-and-error game. We are rolling the dice daily, hoping for good results! We have to be each other's cheerleaders on this journey. Even if your husband uses too many wipes, puts the diaper on backward, and burps the baby too late, you have to lift him up with your words. He is learning as he goes too. I know we want our husbands to understand when our milk comes in late, when we start crying hysterically for no obvious reason, and when our bodies don't 'bounce back' like the Pinterest models did. This is hard work for Moms and Dads. We have to be each other's encouragers for this sacred journey.

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Final Thoughts

All my advice comes from a place of doing what I say and not what we did. My husband and I had entirely too much on our plates with every child we added to our family. We didn't relax enough, I definitely was critical of my husband's parenting, and he was clueless about my emotional struggles. We didn't get it all right, but we've stuck together and learned a lot along the way. Even if your postpartum season feels chaotic and your marriage feels tense, give it time and keep at it. You'll get better at this thing in time.