6 Biblical Principles for Financial Harmony in Marriage

1. Honor God first with all that you have.

Many couples disregard God’s command in Malachi 3:10-11 to set aside the tithe and watch how God will provide, claiming it’s Old Testament Law and we live under New Testament grace. Yet my husband and I have found God’s command to the Israelites in the Old Testament a very good standard of where to START in honoring God with your finances. While Malachi repeats God’s command of giving a tithe (literally a tenth) of all one has to support the priests, that’s a good carryover of where to start when it comes to giving under the New Covenant. After all, the Old Testament commanded us to give just a tenth of our income to the Lord, but in the New Testament, we’re told by Jesus to give our ALL (Mark 10:21-31).

In 1 Corinthians 16:2, Paul instructed the believers, “On the first day of every week, each of you is to put something aside and store it up, as he may prosper, so that there will be no collecting when I come” (ESV). Agree with your spouse that you will honor God first with what you have by giving an agreed-upon portion to Kingdom work when you receive your income and then paying the bills with what you have left—and see how God provides. You can’t out-give God. And it’s a wonderfully unifying principle to witness in your marriage.

2. See everything you have as a gift on loan from God.

Scripture tells us, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above” (James 1:17 NKJV) and when you realize God owns it all, and you and your spouse are merely managing what is already His, that puts the tithing and giving issue into perspective. He gave His life for you. How much will you both give back to Him?

When you and your spouse agree on this one principle—that God owns it all and everything is a gift He allows you to manage—it brings an attitude of gratefulness into your home rather than complaining about your lack of wages or the increased cost of everything around you. It also brings perspective to your spending habits and your level of generosity toward others. This attitude of gratitude can put to rest any sense of entitlement concerning your finances or bickering about who is spending what. If it’s all God’s in the first place, then bring harmony to your marriage by working with your spouse to be the best stewards of what He has loaned you.

3. Adopt an attitude of selflessness toward money and each other.

It’s human nature to look at what we give and expect to get at least that much back. It’s also in our fleshly nature to never want to outspend or out-give another. Instead of having a “my money vs. your money” attitude, or “I paid last time, this time it’s your responsibility,” an attitude of selflessness toward money promotes unity between you. When you married, you became “one flesh,” meaning you belong to one another. Your wedding rings are not only an outward sign of a heart commitment and trust toward each other concerning your bodies, but also of all that you have, including your finances.

 “What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine” is an attitude that can eventually become “What’s ours is God’s, so let’s work together on managing it in a way that pleases Him.” That mindset takes a certain amount of dying to self, it keeps us from insisting upon our own way when it comes to spending or saving, and it creates a willingness to work together in setting and accomplishing financial goals. That will bring more harmony to your marriage.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Ippei Naoi

4. Seek to honor one another.

Just as we are to honor God with our finances by giving to Him first, we can honor one another in our finances with open communication, honesty, and a desire to bless each other. Talk with one another before expensive purchases, and make sure you’re on the same page before you agree to indulge in some way. Seek to bless each other by not cutting corners when it comes to the other’s needs, but also living within your financial means as a couple.

In the early years of our marriage, I was such a stickler for staying on a budget that I would unknowingly “nickel and dime” my husband by wanting him to account for literally every dollar spent or ask why he made a purchase without the coupon I had intended for him to use. But I didn’t realize at the time that our relationship was far more important than the couple of dollars here and there that I was making an issue about. Honoring your spouse means respecting their dignity, being honest with them, and also giving them grace and space and the benefit of the doubt when it comes to how they spend money if they have proven themselves trustworthy. In that case, you have no reason to question them or doubt their integrity.

5. Practice humility.

Pride kills relationships. It cuts us off from being humble and selfless toward one another. Don’t let it get in the way of your marriage by showing itself in your handling of finances. Aim to come to Him humbly, together, about your financial needs and it will get you out of the prideful mode of thinking I have to fix this, or I must put a tighter control on what’s happening. I’m convinced that God allows us to experience unexpected financial situations that we initially think we can’t get through, to draw us into a closer dependence upon Him, and to draw us closer to one another as we pray and rely on Him together to meet our needs. God wants our complete dependence on Him in every area of our lives and marriage. If you find yourself feeling financially independent, make sure you’re not also behaving spiritually independent. God wants you individually and as a couple relying on Him for everything, even if you think you’re fine on your own. Where there is humility, there is harmony, so practice it in your marriage when it comes to your money.

Having a humble heart also means not having to drive the newest car, own the latest gadget, or live in the most expensive home on the block. Pride says, “I must have the best.” We can even justify it by saying, “We deserve the best after all of this work” (or “after all of these years”). But humility says, “Thank You God for what You’ve graciously given. Now, how can we please and honor You with it?”

6. Seek the adventure of living generously and watching how God responds.

In 2 Corinthians 9:11-12, we are told God gives seed (financial means) to the sower (those who invest it in His Kingdom, His workers, His plans), so that the sower can continue to give. In other words, the more you give, the more He allows you to have so you can continue to give. I love that principle, and I love how God honors it and comes through for us when we live by it.

In the Common English Bible, that passage reads: “You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous in every way. Such generosity produces thanksgiving to God through us. Your ministry of this service to God’s people isn’t only fully meeting their needs but it is also multiplying in many expressions of thanksgiving to God.” Be a blessing to others instead of just wanting to bless yourselves. When you do, you will live the adventure of spontaneous giving, the excitement of knowing others are thanking God for it, and the joy of watching God graciously respond so you can do it all over again.

For more on how to experience unity in your finances and every area of your marriage, see the popular book Cindi and her husband of 36 years co-authored, When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection.