Facing an incurable diagnosis is hard for us as adults, but it is even harder when our child is the one going through it. Whenever our child is diagnosed with an incurable diagnosis, the first thing we normally think is, "Why? Why does our child have to face this diagnosis?" Anger, sorrow, and pain fill our hearts. As parents, we never want to see our children go through any illness, but facing an incurable diagnosis is much worse.
If your child has been diagnosed with an incurable diagnosis, know that God is with you, your child, and your entire family. He is surrounding you with His love and protection. Don't be afraid to be honest with your feelings. God already knows how you are feeling and wants you to come to Him. Allow His grace and love to bring you comfort today.
The road ahead will be strenuous, yet God will be with you and your family every step of the way. As you are navigating this diagnosis with your child, know there are many things you can do to help them. Even though your child is facing an incurable diagnosis, it doesn't mean they are without hope. Where God is, hope abounds (Romans 15:13).
1. Pray with Them
When your child is facing an incurable diagnosis, it is important to pray with them. You should pray on your own for your child, but you also need to pray with them. By praying with them, it will help them be encouraged and give them comfort. Even if they don't say anything in the prayer, pray with them. Go to God together in prayer and bring all your requests to Him. If your child does want to pray, allow them to be honest with their feelings.
They might feel anger toward God, but allow them to express their emotions. The anger and pain they are feeling right now is not actually directed at God. Rather, it is a result of the circumstances. Just as an adult would be terrified of a diagnosis such as this, we don't need to be surprised when our child struggles with it. Help your child to know that God wants them to come to Him and give all of their worries, fears, and feelings to Him.
With time, the anger might turn into deep sorrow. Many times, anger can be misplaced depression. Continue to pray for your child and pray with them. This will help not only your child, but also yourself. Treasure these days with your child and provide room for happy memories to be made too. You might be surprised at the beautiful prayers your child will offer up to God.
2. Remind Them of God's Love
2. Remind Them of God's Love
In addition to praying with them, it is also essential to remind them of God's love. Romans 8:38-39 tells us, "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." As Paul tells us, nothing can separate us from God's love and this includes our child's incurable diagnosis.
By knowing Romans 8:38-39, it will bring hope and love into your child's heart. Even though they have this illness does not mean all hope is lost. Life is short, but eternity is forever. Through God's love, they will leave this world and go to live in Paradise with Him. All of this is possible because of how much God loves them (John 3:16-17).
Allow each day to be an opportunity to help them understand God's love. Whether they are younger or older children, they need to hear about God's love. It will help them to have strength to face the scariest of days. Facing an incurable diagnosis is nothing to overlook because it is a terminal disease. It is only through the strength, love, and power of God that any of us can make it through the days ahead.
3. Teach Them about Eternal Life with Jesus
3. Teach Them about Eternal Life with Jesus
Moreover, it is also important to help your child know about eternal life with Jesus. As mentioned earlier, it is because of God's love that we have the opportunity to go to be with Him after we pass away. Help your child to know that when life is over on earth, it is only the beginning of eternity with God in Heaven. This will bring hope to your child's heart by knowing that life will never truly end. Our physical bodies will die, but our souls live on forever.
As you are teaching them about eternal life with Jesus, help them to know that Heaven is going to be a wonderful place. Start reading the Bible together, do Bible studies on Heaven as a team, and answer any questions they may have about Heaven. If your child has not yet placed faith in Jesus, it is essential to share the Gospel with them and ensure they fully understand the death, burial, and resurrection of the Lord. This will help them as they are facing this terrible diagnosis as well as it will be with them for all eternity.
Seeing your child face this heart wrenching disease will most likely start causing your own well-being to suffer. It's unnatural for a parent to outlive a child. Remind yourself at these times that you will be with your child again in Heaven. This life will go on, but never forget the promise that you will be with them in Heaven and for all eternity. Leaving this earth is just a "I'll see you later," not an eternal goodbye.
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4. Help Them to Know it Is Okay to Feel Sad and Cry
4. Help Them to Know it Is Okay to Feel Sad and Cry
Incurable diagnoses normally end in pain, tears, and sorrow. This happens because we know that we will eventually pass away from the incurable disease. Allow your child time to grieve, express their feelings, and cry as much as they need. Tell them that it is okay to feel sad and cry. There is nothing juvenile or "babyish" about crying. Many children are afraid to cry because they think they will be made fun of or insulted.
Ensure your child knows that it is okay to cry and feel sad about their diagnosis. It is human to feel sorrow after a grim diagnosis and to begin to spend many days crying. You also need to give yourself permission during this time to feel sad and cry too. As a parent, it is heartbreaking to see your child face this disease and you need to remind yourself there is nothing wrong with crying either.
You don't have to be strong all the time. Lean on God for support, cry, and allow yourself to grieve. While it is best for you to do your crying in private in order not to bring worry to your child's heart, allow your child to be able to cry and feel sorrow whenever they feel they need to in front of you or out in public. Your child will depend on you for strength and support this time, but don't feel as though you never have a release for your emotions. Seek the Lord for comfort, find solace in your spouse, and take each day as it comes.
5. Be a Safe Place for Their Emotions
5. Be a Safe Place for Their Emotions
Many children don't feel their parents are safe places for their emotions. Whether they are facing an incurable diagnosis or not, most children are afraid to be honest with their parents about their feelings. Since they think their parents will freak out or dismiss their feelings, they start bottling up their feelings or only expressing their feelings to a select group of individuals. Ensure your child knows you are a safe place for them, and they can share any feelings they are experiencing with you.
Whether they are feeling sorrow, anger, or hopelessness, help them know they can always come to you. If your child has recently been diagnosed with an incurable disease, know that their emotions will probably be a roller coaster. Some days, they might feel extremely sad, and other days, they might feel extremely angry. Be a safe place for them regardless of their feelings and meet them where they are.
Give them a hug when they are crying and engulf them in your comfort when their hope is nowhere to be found. As their parents, they need you and often see you as their most comforting person. Make sure you and your spouse are safe places for your child by being there for them, being honest with your own feelings, and validating any of their emotions. This will help them to feel seen, loved, and known.
6. Listen to Their Needs
6. Listen to Their Needs
Lastly, it is also essential that you listen to your child's needs. Your child's needs will vary during this time, and you must provide for them. Their needs may include you sitting with them in their pain or taking them away for a day to distract them from the situation. This small act of compassion can go a long way and help your child truly process the pain of their incurable diagnosis.
Your child will not be here forever. Make the most of each day, be there for them, and listen to their needs. It is a depressing and sorrowful time, but there are also beautiful moments to be made. Memories with your child will last forever, and you will always remember them. Be there for their needs and help them to know that you will be there for them, no matter what.
Incurable diagnoses are painful things to experience, but they are not the end. Due to living in a fallen world, we have pain, illness, and death, but one day, this will be eradicated (Revelation 21:4). For the time being, listen to your child, support them, and be there for them always.
Originally published February 13, 2025.
