6 Things Christian Singles Desperately Wish You Would Stop Doing

1. Cliché Phrases

There are certain phrases that have become overused and, at times, can sting. Some of these phrases may include:

"Have you tried online dating?"

More than likely, if someone is not online dating, it is because they have a conviction not to or a reason to be opposed to a common way to date.

"Your spouse will come when you stop looking."

There is no formula for making a relationship happen, as much as we would like there to be. Instead, offer to pray with the person that hearts, minds, and lives would be aligned in His timing. This is a way to come alongside the person in the process as they let God direct them.

"Maybe you're too picky?"

This may not be intentional to sound judgmental, but it can come across as such. Remember that the person you are speaking with has their own set of morals, convictions, and desires in their spirit. Try to come from a place of encouragement to offer the reminder that God can do far more than we can ask for or imagine (Ephesians 3:20), and He is in the business of giving us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 34:7) when we delight in Him. Encourage the person to delight in Him as well.

"My friend is single, and you're single; you should date."

This is a very common one that should be highlighted for correction or refinement. The Bible calls for marriage to be made up of two believers in the faith (2 Corinthians 6:14-16); however, that is not to say that a God-authored relationship ends there; it only begins there. Before you try your hand at matchmaking, invite God into the conversation. Let God make it clear unto your spirit if you should say something or if you are the one trying to play God.

2. Assumptions

As well-meaning as married Christians can be, assumptions can often lead to actions or words that sting tender hearts. Before assuming why someone is single, ask the Lord to guide you in your approach. For some it is not a case where something is wrong with the person, but instead that God knows the correct timing for their life and that a spouse or romantic partner would not be the best fit for God's ultimate plan. As easy as it is to make assumptions, invite God to reveal to you through His wisdom if you are called to offer a word of encouragement, a God-inspired prophetic insight, or not to address the person's singleness at all.

3. Unsolicited Advice

In a similar theme to making assumptions, it is important to not offer unsolicited advice without ensuring it is something God is prompting you to do. Singles are well aware that they are aging, that the world is just becoming even more chaotic, and that the holidays are indeed just around the corner, but they don't need a reminder of it all. As people, we often want to offer advice we have learned to others in their own journeys, but we must remember that we are not all on the same path. How wonderful is it that we are not all cookie-cutter and that we have our own unique lives? Instead of offering unsolicited advice, ask God to help you encourage the single in your life in the way He would inspire. That can be through various outlets, but when it is God-authored, it is God-backed, too.

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4. Isolating Singles in their Journey

One of the best ways to help singles is not to isolate them in an already lonely journey. Where real, authentic, and true assistance and blessing can come is in realizing that it is not upon you to solve their singleness but rather to point them to the best matchmaker of all in God. If you feel led by God and with His permission, offer to pray alongside the single in your life for God's intended match for them. Pray for them for wisdom, discernment, and understanding in their own one-of-a-kind story, and know that your prayers matter. Help them not to feel alone on this journey, but rather help them know God sees them and has not forgotten them!

5. Leaving Singles Out

Another common pitfall singles are exhausted from is being overlooked or left out of things due to a lack of a partner. I can count more times than I'd like how many times friends have left me out because they assumed I'd feel uncomfortable coming to a couple's game night or dinner party solo. In answering for me before I could even answer, I missed out on a time for fellowship, laughter, and community among believers. Leaving singles out may appear like it is a kindness to not remind them that they are alone, but it can actually prove to be the very thing that makes being alone so heart-wrenching. Instead, when appropriate, invite singles to join you so you can do life together (single or married) and foster a genuinely supportive garden of believers.

6. Calling Them Paul

Perhaps the top thing single Christians wish you'd stop doing is comparing them to Paul. Paul was an incredible man of faith who devoted his life to Jesus, and he happened to be single. His singleness was a gift so that he could fully live the life he was called to live by God, but we are not all Paul. For many of us, our ministry and calling can be birthed through marriage, parenthood, and more, but it does not need to happen by a certain age for it to still be a calling of one's life. Paul is often highlighted for his singleness, but that is not what defined him. There is often a very clear understanding in someone's life if they are called to a life of being single. Calling someone a Paul solely because they are single past a certain age can even invoke confusion, a bitter spirit, and frustration with the person as they will feel they must settle or have missed the boat. Be kind with your words and comparisons to Bible figures because what you mean as something encouraging can do a lot of damage to someone's self-concept.

As well-meaning as married Christians are, they are still human and can miss the mark when interacting with singles. Instead of falling prey to very common hiccups that can, in turn, create division amongst believers, use wisdom and discernment in a case-by-case situation. Ultimately, ask the Lord if it is your responsibility to even address someone's marital status and if you are called to offer encouragement or advocacy in prayer. God is kind and will help you know so that you will stop doing things single Christians deeply wish you'd stop doing.