The loss of any relationship can be difficult, but there is something particularly different about the loss of a friend. There is an understanding in romantic relationships that forever may not be on the table, but with friendships, we rarely have that expectation. Much of this is because, in many ways, there is the assumption that friendships will endure even when other relationships do not. Grieving a friendship is a very real, emotional journey and not one to be ignored.
1. Feel the Emotions, Don't Bottle Them
Your emotions matter. A loss is a loss, and especially when that loss is someone that you never thought you'd face life without, it can be extremely painful. In efforts to save face, to carry on, or to not be exposed emotionally, there is a temptation to bottle up the emotions you are feeling. Just because a relationship was not romantic does not mean it did not matter to your heart. Bottling up emotions will only result in bitterness; it can even make you cynical about trusting a friendship again. This is why it is important to release your emotions, to feel them, and to bring them to God or a therapist to help you sort through them. It is a journey to feel emotions, and it takes courage to do so, but it is something you owe yourself to experience freedom.
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2. Thank God for the Good Memories and Lessons Learned Together
2. Thank God for the Good Memories and Lessons Learned Together
In the grief process, take the time to thank God for the good times that were experienced. Those memories were filled with joy in the moment, and they were part of your life. Do not allow the ending of a friendship to stain the memories you had. Instead, let those memories become something you are grateful for and willing to let stay in that moment in time. Also recognize that you learned lessons together in the process. We know from Ecclesiastes 3 that there is a time for everything under the sun, which is true for friendships. Thank the Lord for the gift of the season that held that friendship and for the lessons you learned in that time, and then entrust the sum of the whole to His guiding, loving, and kind hands.
3. Forgive the Other Person and Yourself
3. Forgive the Other Person and Yourself
Friendships rarely end without some sort of catalyst. The causes may encompass fallout that requires you to forgive the other person or yourself for what was said or what was done in the unraveling of said friendship. Forgiveness is not a path you have to walk alone; the Lord is gracious and kind to be with you every step of the way. Forgiveness is also a choice to make daily, it in seasons requires casting it again and again as you paddle through the streams of grief. Whether you need to forgive the other person or you yourself need to be forgiven, know that forgiveness results in freedom and healing. You are not saying what was done was not wrong, and you are not weak for forgiving; you are saying that you will not allow such things to have ownership of your life. Forgiveness is the key to truly moving forward.
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4. Ask Jesus What He Wants You to Learn
4. Ask Jesus What He Wants You to Learn
Jeremiah 33:3 says, "Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known." When we call upon the Lord for His insight, we allow Him to have Lordship in our lives. At times if we do not ask, we do not know just what He wants to say, convey, or reveal about something. Take the time to seek His face and His voice during this time of grief to glean from His wisdom and understanding of just what you can take with you to learn through this time. Know that He can use even the most devastating of things to usher forth goodness and benefit to you for His glory (Romans 8:28) and that the pain you feel now is not the final word on your life (Romans 8:18). Allow God into the wound and ask Him what you are taking with you into the next season of your life.
5. Let Them Go and Open Space for Others to Join
5. Let Them Go and Open Space for Others to Join
Letting go of someone can be painful, especially when that person filled so much of your life, but it allows space for others to join. Remember that friendships can sometimes become more than they ought to be, so perhaps the space someone filled was never their portion to fill in the first place. It could be that the former friend was providing support in an area where a spouse should fill the gap, like emotional support or spiritual pursuits. As infallible humans we can also allow humans to take the space that ought to be reserved solely for God, such as greatest comforter, counselor, and friend. Know that if God has removed this person or allowed them to depart from your life, it does not mean that you are forsaken; ask Him how the space left in their absence should be filled so that it is ultimately in alignment with His will.
6. Remember the Friendship of Jesus
6. Remember the Friendship of Jesus
Above all else, remember that the friendship of Jesus is the most important. Jesus wants to be your friend. In John 15:15, he says, "No longer do I call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I have learned from my Father I have made known to you."
His friendship is the greatest gift we can have, and He is the most reliable, constant, and loyal friend you will ever know. We can take hope in the truth of the lyrics of the hymn, What a Friend We Have in Jesus:
"Can we find a friend so faithful
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness
Take it to the Lord in prayer."
These words prove true every time, and we can experience true, rooted, and real vulnerable friendship with Him when we invite Him into all facets of life. He knows every hair on your head and how painful it is to lose a friend, but He is the One friend you will never have to fear losing. Bring your pain to Him and allow Him to heal, restore, and reveal to you His character, His love, and His plans.
Navigating through the grief of a lost friendship is a hard pill to swallow, but you do not have to do it alone. Know that the Lord is there to be a constant for you—to listen and help you move forward as a healed, chosen, and beloved child of God. Remember that you are worthy of friendship, and it is a privilege to call you a friend, so do not let a failed relationship deter you from trusting again or devaluing your self-worth. You have more space at the table of your life now, yes, but what awaits is something you can journey through with God.
Father God,
We come today to ask in sincerity for Godly-authored friendships. Lord, please bring those who will assist us in the callings You have placed upon our lives, encourage us to live in pursuit of You as the head and Lord of our lives, and help us be built up rather than torn down. Please sit with us in the grief of a lost friendship as we are renewed by the enduring hope of Your good plans. Lastly, Lord, we thank You for Your friendship, Your goodness, and Your never-ending presence in our lives.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
Originally published February 26, 2025.
