6 Ways to Honor Difficult Parents

Forgiveness can be hard—very hard. There are often many layers to our pain, especially when the source of our pain is a parent. It can take time for your heart to sincerely forgive, especially if your parents' behavior doesn't change and they never ask for forgiveness. In some cases, forgiving feels like you're condoning the bad behavior.

Forgiving your difficult parents will allow the layers of pain to stop piling up. It will free your heart and mind from detrimental stress. It will allow you to display Christ to your parents as the Spirit allows your mercies to be new every morning. And ultimately, forgiving your difficult parents will bring glory to God.

Colossians 3:13 says, "Bearing with one another and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive." This isn't meant to heap guilt on you if forgiveness is difficult. Instead, read this verse as a reminder of how much God loves you, that He has forgiven you, and that His mercies toward you are new every morning.

Take note of how you pray for your difficult parents. Are you consistently asking the Lord to fix them? Are you in the habit of asking, or even begging, God to change their attitude, their behavior, or their choices? While praying for change is good, don't let the prayers stop there.

While asking the Lord to work on them, also ask Him to work in them. After all, your parents being less difficult will require the Lord to work in their hearts and bring about change in their spiritual lives first. So, be bold. Ask the Lord to open their eyes to the truth of the gospel. Ask God to bring about the spiritual change that only comes from His firm foundation.

We know from Luke 1:37 and all that is revealed in the Holy Word that nothing is impossible with God. Whatever it is about your parents that makes them difficult is not too big for God to overcome. Ask Him for what may seem impossible. And while you're at it, ask Him to give you the strength and endurance to love your parents well while you wait on His perfect timing.

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Depending on the situation, your difficult parent may not know that you have taken steps to acknowledge the pain they've caused you. They may not care to know that you've forgiven them and may even go so far as to reject the thought of you praying for them. And yet, you can still speak respectfully of them.

While it's healthy to have a spouse, trusted friend, or even a small group of friends to know the hardships you face with your difficult parents, you can speak kindly about them to the general public. In other words, not every mention of your difficult parents has to be negative. Not every mention of your difficult parents is an opportunity to recount the most recent way they have hurt you.

Matthew 12:36 reminds us that on the day of judgment, people will be held accountable for every careless word they have spoken. Rather than be guilty of slander, let honoring the Lord be your motivation as you practice speaking kindly of your difficult parents. Ask the Lord to guard your tongue, or perhaps even hold your tongue, when the temptation to speak poorly of them arises.

There's a reason for the saying, "Hurt people hurt people." If you have a difficult parent, it's very likely they themselves had a difficult parent or they experienced something in their life that molded them into the person they are today. This isn't meant to excuse bad behavior, but rather to serve as a reminder that there are likely reasons why your parent is the way they are.

Take this opportunity to commit to breaking the cycle. If you have children of your own, go so far as to ask them if there's something about you that they consider difficult. If you don't have children, ask those closest to you. Hear them out, consider their responses, and then commit to change. Break the cycle and pave a better path for future generations.

Philippians 1:6 says, "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Let this be a reminder that we are all, through the power of the Holy Spirit, growing and changing. There is room for you to be more Christ-like, just as there is for your difficult parent.

It's easy to look at your difficult parent and wonder why you had to be their child. Whether through birth or adoption, you didn't ask for the parents you have. It's easy to question God - or to even be angry at God for placing you in your particular family of origin.

This is the perfect opportunity to trust our Sovereign God. Remember that, as with any trial, our hardships are an opportunity to grow and be more Christ-like. We don't lean into our relationship with the Lord when everything in our life is easy, the way we do when life is hard. Use this hardship as a way of appreciating and honoring your perfect Heavenly Father.

Isaiah 26:3-4 says, "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock." Lean into your everlasting rock and let Him keep you in perfect peace.

There are no perfect earthly parents, from the mildest of difficult parents to the most extreme. We want them to be though, don't we? We want to be proud of our parents just as we want them to be proud of us. We want their unconditional love and for them to be a safe, wise, reliable shoulder to lean on. If you don't have that, know you are far from alone. Not only are you surrounded by others perplexed by their difficult parents, you are also surrounded by the unfailing love of your Heavenly Father, who has unconditional love for you and is a safe, wise, reliable shoulder to lean on.

While some situations with parents can go beyond difficult, these six examples are a good starting place regardless of your situation. May the Lord guide you as you seek to honor Him as you seek to honor your difficult parents.