6 Ways to Show Family and Friends You’re Thankful for Them

1. Tell Them in Person

You’ve probably heard the saying, “actions speak louder than words.” The idea is that what we do often carries more weight than what we say. Obviously, there is some practical and even biblical truth to this statement. The apostle John taught us to, “let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth” (1 John 3:18).

In terms of gratitude, actions can be powerful expressions of heartfelt appreciation. However, we should not be quick to write off a meaningful “thank you” spoken from a thankful heart. 

The Bible contains countless words and songs of thanksgiving and praise of those who have reason to be thankful for what God has done in their lives (see Psalms 28:7; 69:30; 75:1; 92:2-3; 100:4-5; 106:1; 107:1; 118:1; 136:1; Daniel 2:23; 6:10; Jonah 2:9; Luke 1:45-55). 

Of course, our relationship with each other is a shadow of the relationship we share with God the Father. No friend or family member could ever do for us what God in Christ has done. And we do not worship or praise friends and family members the way we do our lord, savior, and redeemer. However, much like the healed leper who returned to thank Jesus when the other nine did not (Luke 17:11-19), sometimes the simplest and most effective way to show someone you are thankful for them is to actually tell them. 

At times, words may seem like such a small, inadequate expression of our thanks. However, gratitude is rarely weighed in eloquence of speech or the size of our gift, but rather, in the heart and sincerity of the giver (Mark 12:41-44). In the end, it is far better to offer even the simplest words of thanks than no words at all. Therefore, if you are truly grateful for someone, be it family member or friend, make an effort to actually tell them you are thankful for them. 

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2. Send Them a Written Note or Letter

Telling a friend or family member you are thankful for them in person or face to face may not be a possibility for everyone. There could be many reasons for this, distance and discomfort among them. However, another way to show your gratitude is by sending your thanks in a handwritten note or letter. 

Of course, in a technology driven society, electronic forms of communication can be the more convenient option. Make no mistake, an email or text message can be effective at expressing emotion and appreciation as well. However, there is something both unique and personal about sending someone a physical, handwritten note, especially in today’s world. 

There is a biblical example of this in the apostle Paul, who regularly thanked others via letter (see Philemon 1:4-5; 1 Corinthians 1:4; 2 Corinthians 1:11; Romans 1:8). In Paul’s case, written thanks became a necessity when he was unable to thank those he wished to visit in person. But even in prison, Paul’s appreciation for fellow believers was never silenced by his inability to tell them face to face. 

Sometimes, he would write letters to address doctrinal or behavioral errors in the church. Other times, he put pen to paper to thank those who had supported him in his ministry (see Philippians 1:1-11; 4:10-23). Words of gratitude and thanksgiving fill the pages of Paul’s letters because this was the heart of a humble and always grateful servant. 

Today, we too are encouraged and enriched by those words, which have been preserved in writing for centuries. But whether it is a handwritten thank you card or text message, sending someone a note of thanks can go a long way toward showing them you are thankful for them. 

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3. Give Them a Gift

Moving beyond words, another way to show someone you are thankful for them is to give them a meaningful gift.

In the gospels, we read about a woman named Mary, who wanted to thank Jesus for all He had done for her and her family. In fact, only a few days prior, Jesus had raised Mary’s brother Lazarus from the dead. In response, Mary wanted to thank Jesus with a lavish gift. 

The apostle John, who was present at the time, writes that “Mary then took a pound of very costly perfume of pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped His feet with her hair; and the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.” (John 12:3)

This was obviously a gift of incredible monetary value, nearly a year’s wages by most estimates. To Jesus, however, Mary’s gift was worth much more than money. “She has done what she could; she has anointed My body beforehand for the burial. Truly I say to you, wherever the gospel is preached in the whole world, what this woman has done will also be spoken of in memory of her.” (Mark 14:8-9)

In both the giving and receiving, Mary’s gift was heartfelt and personal. 

Of course, this story describes gratitude in relation to Christ’s miraculous power in Mary’s life. Our gifts to family and friends may never be as lavish or extravagant, nor should they be. The size or monetary value of those gifts is also not as important as the heart behind them (see Mark 12:44). Nevertheless, the Bible encourages us to be grateful and generous in our giving, both to God and to others. 

Jesus taught His disciples, “freely you received, freely give.” (Matthew 10:8) We know that He was referring to the outpouring of God’s power in ministry. However, there are parallels to grateful giving. 

Those who have been blessed should be quick and eager to bless others. We give not out of compulsion or obligation, but out of heartfelt gratitude and appreciation. 

A grateful heart is humble and appreciative of “every good gift”; and it seeks to thank and bless others at every opportunity. Gift-giving is one way we can do that.

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4. Thank or Compliment Them Publicly

We should always be quick to personally thank others when gratitude is warranted. However, expanding our audience to let others know how much we appreciate someone is another way to celebrate, elevate, and thank those we love. 

Telling your spouse, for example, that she is beautiful is a wonderful (and necessary) compliment; telling the world that you have the most beautiful, amazing, incredible wife adds another dimension to your gratitude. 

Consider how Jesus commended the faith of the centurion (Matthew 8:10), affirmed the honesty and authenticity of Nathanael (John 1:43-51), and praised John the Baptist (Matthew 11:11). These were more than private compliments or empty praise. Jesus meant what He said. He wanted these individuals to see what He saw in them, and by complimenting and commending them publicly, He made sure others saw it too. 

We have the power to do this for those we are thankful for. 

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5. Spend Quality Time with Them

Author Gary Chapman outlined the various ways individuals like to give and receive love in his popular book The 5 Love Languages. One of the common “love languages” discussed in the book is the desire to spend quality time with others. Whether it is sitting down for coffee, inviting them into your home for dinner, or doing something a friend or family member enjoys, offering focused, unhurried, undistracted time can be given a symbol of our gratitude and appreciation as well. 

We all live busy lives. In our busyness, however, sometimes all we can manage is a text message, thank you note, or gift sent in the mail. There is nothing wrong with these showings of gratitude and affection. However, by committing to spend quality time with a family member or friend, we communicate that they are worthy of our most precious but limited resource: our time. 

This was the attitude of Mary when she sat at the feet of Jesus while her sister Martha labored frantically to serve Jesus (see Luke 10:38-42). It was also the heart of Jesus when He told His disciples to “let the little children come to Me.” (Luke 18:15-17; Matthew 19:13-15) 

Those closest to Jesus believed that His time, His mission, and His ministry were too important to be wasted on the likes of little children. In the eyes of Jesus, however, people were not the problem. They were the point. As a result, Jesus made the most of every opportunity to love others and spend time with them while He could (see Colossians 4:5; Ephesians 5:16). Shouldn’t we also be generous with our time with those we are most thankful for?

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6. Serve Them or a Member of Their Family in a Meaningful Way.

In speaking of Mary and Martha, many of us have a tendency to praise Mary for her willingness to sit at Jesus’ feet while castigating Martha for being too busy and distracted to actually be with Jesus. While Jesus certainly corrected and encouraged Martha to slow down and enjoy quality time with Him, His correction was far more gentle than critical. 

Like her sister, Martha loved Jesus. She just had a different way of showing it. Mary sought quality time with Jesus; Martha’s gift was hospitality. She showed she was thankful through the act of serving. And make no mistake, the church needs servants with a heart and a gift for hospitality. 

And yet, throughout His ministry, Jesus reminded us that “He did not come to be served but to serve and to give His life a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28; Mark 10:45; John 13:1-17). Physically, He demonstrated this when He washed the feet of His disciples. Spiritually, Christ served our most pressing, eternal needs by laying down His life so that we might be saved. 

Serving someone in a meaningful way can be an incredible expression of our love, gratitude, and appreciation. 

Acts of service do not have to be limited to just that person either. We can also love and serve others by serving the needs of their family, be it their children, spouse, or parents (see 2 Samuel 9; Mark 1:29-31). 

Looking to serve the needs of others is not only a powerful way to show our thanks; it is a beautiful reflection of the servant’s heart of Jesus Christ. In the end, that always should be our goal. To love God and love others, and in gratitude for all that God has done for us, have a heart that seeks to thank others God has placed in our lives. May our friends and family encounter the heart of Christ in all we do and say as we thank and praise the glorious name of God (1 Chronicles 29:13).

Related Resource: Dealing With Dysfunctional People Over the Holidays

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