7 Crucial Support Systems for Anyone in an Abusive Marriage

1. God

The best critical support system for anyone in an abusive marriage is God. God will be able to help you in many ways, including providing support, protection, and comfort. When we are in an abusive marriage, we are not feeling supported, protected, or comforted. This is why we need to turn to God. He is our loving Father, and He will surround us with love.

The Bible tells us, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3). As this passage says, God will heal our broken hearts and bind up our wounds. With this knowledge, we need to lift up our weary hearts in prayer. God will surround us with His love and comfort, even in the midst of an abusive marriage. He will encourage us in love and help us leave the marriage.

God will also provide us with protection (Psalm 18:2). We never need to doubt His protection or His power. Turn to Him in prayer today, present your requests, and fully rely on Him. As you are leaving this marriage, rely on God. Some days will be harder than others, but there will be brighter days in the future. However, if we choose to remain in the abusive marriage, we will only be faced with darkness.

2. A Therapist

Everyone who is going through an abusive marriage needs a therapist. By sharing the experiences you have endured at the hands of your spouse, your therapist will be able to get you the proper help you need. Don’t be afraid to be honest with your therapist and share all of your thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Yes, it is true that your spouse is the person you married, but you don’t need to try to protect them.

Many victims of abuse try to protect their abusers, especially those who are married to their abusers. You need to remember that you don’t deserve this treatment or this abuse. God doesn’t want you to stay in this marriage. It is not healthy for you, and it will only end in pain. Talk to your therapist about the abuse, find confidence in them, and allow them to help you. This might be in the form of adult services or the police, depending on what type of abuse is being experienced.

3. Trustworthy Friend Group

Having a trustworthy friend group is also crucial during an abusive marriage. They will be able to support you, guide you, and provide a safe place for your feelings. Yet again, as is the case with your therapist, you need to be honest with your friends and allow them to help you. Allow them to house you for a few days while you are getting everything figured out or finishing the divorce papers. Your friends love you and will be there when you need them.

However, when you select a trustworthy friend group, ensure they are indeed trustworthy. Don’t pick just anyone. Instead, choose friends who are actually trustworthy, caring, and loving. Even if this is only one person, it is better to have one real friend than a companion of uncaring, hurtful individuals. Fake friends might make the situation worse or belittle you.

This is why it is important to surround yourself with friends who truly care about you and are supportive. If you are unsure who these friends could be, think about who you would call if you were in trouble. Would it be a friend from high school, a friend from college, or a neighbor down the street? Consider who is trustworthy and try to meet them as soon as possible.

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4. Your Parents

Our parents love us and want to help us in our times of need. Chances are, your parents have already known you are in an abusive marriage. Don’t be ashamed to tell them about the situation and seek their support. If you have a healthy relationship with your parents, chances are they would be happy to help you and provide comfort, peace, and housing. By moving in with them for a little bit, it could also provide protection.

Your parents will also want to contact the authorities to ensure your safety. While this can be difficult and even stressful, you need to follow through with the police reports. Whether the abuse is physical, emotional, or sexual, you need to reach out for help. Your parents want you safe and happy. This won’t be possible if you continue to live in an abusive marriage.

Don’t get angry with your parents when they share their advice or thoughts. They want what is best for you, and this is not found in your current spouse. Try to see things from their perspective and act in accordance with this view. If you were a parent and your child was being abused by their spouse, you would want to take them out of the situation, provide them with protection, and make all the pain go away. Allow your parents to do this for you.

5. Your Siblings

Siblings are also great support systems for anyone facing an abusive marriage. Like our parents, our siblings have known us for a long time and want what is best for us. Yet again, our siblings know us better than anyone, and they probably have already picked up on the abuse as well. Don’t become defensive toward them, and don’t push them away.

Instead, choose to be honest with them and share your feelings. Your siblings love you, and they want to help you get out of this situation. Be open to their support and their care. Even if you haven’t seen your siblings in a long time, know that they are a safe place for you and can provide you with the support you need. Never doubt the truth that you deserve a life free from abuse.

6. Friends From Church

In addition to your personal friends, it is also important to seek out support from friends from church. By involving friends from church, they will be able to pray for you and surround you with God’s love. Friends from church are unique because they always seem to know when we are in need, and they are never hesitant to drop everything to help us. Recognize the beauty of this and allow them to support you during this time.

Share your experiences with them and ask for their help. Ask them to pray for you and your spouse. Prayer is powerful, and we don’t need to overlook it. Our prayers have the power to move mountains because of God. Rather than trying to figure everything out on your own, accept the help and prayers from your brothers and sisters in Christ.

7. The Police Department

Lastly, it is also important to consult with your local police department. Any type of abuse is unsafe and warrants help from law enforcement. Even if your spouse might do better on certain days, it is still important to reach out to a police officer. Sadly, abusers normally do not get better with time. They only tend to become more cruel and abusive.

Fill out the reports and make the calls. It is essential to validate your pain and the difficulty that comes with filling out a police report against your spouse; this pain should not be discredited. It is an extremely hard thing to do, yet it must be done. Rely on strength from the Lord and allow Him to help you through the help of police. If the situation calls for it, your spouse might have to serve time in jail, but know that it is not your fault.

Don’t blame yourself for your spouse’s behavior. It is not your fault in any form or in any way. You will need therapy in the aftermath of the abuse, but don’t feel ashamed of your feelings. You have gone through extensive pain and trauma over the course of the years. Allow God, the police, friends from church, a trustworthy friend group, siblings, parents, and a therapist to help you. There are brighter days for the future, but the first step is opening up and asking for help.

Related Resource: Should I Stay in My Marriage "Just for God?"

Do you ever wonder if staying in your marriage just to please God is a good enough reason to endure? Today's Rebuilding Us Podcast question from a listener who is wondering this very thing sparked a great conversation about what are the valid reasons to separate or divorce your spouse if you're a Christian. Is staying with your spouse just because the Bible says so, or do you feel pressure because of your church or religious beliefs enough? Listen as we broach this very timely and important subject that every Christian marriage needs to hear. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to The Rebuilding Us Podcast on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!