7 Lies Everyone Believes about Having Kids

1. Any relationship between two people is fertile ground for establishing a home and raising kids.

“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh at that place. And the Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which he had taken from the man, and brought her to the man… For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:22, 24 NIV). 

God said to the man, leave and cleave to the chosen woman and become one flesh. What in the world does this mean? How can a man and a woman become one flesh unless they have a single-minded purpose to walk in one accord with God? God’s way. Together. ‘Til death do us part.

I don’t know about you, but when I first married, my husband and I agreed about little or nothing—we were in lust—which is a far cry from being joined together with God in a one flesh covenant of love. Becoming one flesh requires time and practice, but if you begin with no mutual standards, goals, or faith—only the miracle of salvation through the blood of Jesus Christ can produce one flesh.

“Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?” (2 Corinthians 6:14-15 NIV).

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2. Babies are sweet and simple. Feed them. Burp them. Change them and set them in front of a screen - that's it.

Anyone who has spent more than 30 minutes attempting to calm a colicky baby knows they are neither sweet nor simple during difficult times. These tiny blessings from God command our full attention, especially at 2 a.m. when mama’s exhausted and stressed and daddy just needs quiet and calm—and screaming at them and each other only provokes the situation.

On a good day, babies demand a complete change in established routines, which often leaves new parents sleepless and on edge. And no, a baby is never the solution to an off-track, troubled marriage. Raising children God’s way is a 24/7, lifetime commitment from both of you, with the Word of God open, and on your knees pleading for help.

“Make your ear attentive to wisdom, incline your heart to understanding, for if you cry for discernment, lift your voice for understanding… then you will discern the fear of the Lord and discover the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom…He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity…” (Proverbs 2:2-7 NIV).

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3. Two-year-old tantrums are cute. Don't worry, they'll outgrow them.

Really? Have you not seen the videos of teens marching out of their classroom, protesting the current popular thing to which they object? Have you not heard your neighbor’s teen shouting vulgarities at his/her parents while burning rubber out the driveway? 

This is rebellion! Teen temper tantrums not dealt with when they were two. And these tantrums continue to morph into other varieties of other anger issues that haunt the undisciplined child well into adulthood and sometimes beyond. Left to yourself, you don’t outgrow anger or your penchant to sin.

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you” (Exodus 20:12 NIV).

Perhaps the violation of this commandment is why we are losing so many of our kids to drugs, suicide, murder, and human trafficking. Could our children’s days be cut short because of our parental failure to require them to behave early in life?

“A fool rejects his father’s discipline, but he who regards reproof is prudent” (Proverbs 15:5 NIV).

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4. My child would never _________.

If you find yourself murmuring to a friend as you listen in horror to the account of another parent’s woe, let me be the first to warn you—Your child will do anything another child will do, if they’re given the opportunity. So never cluck your tongue and tsk, tsk, tsk at another parent's’ pain and shame. Except for the grace and mercy of the Lord our God, your kid could be the next poster child for foolishness.

“Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15 NIV). 

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5. Parents should be their child's best friend.

During the course of your child’s life they will have many friends, but God gave them only one set of parents! Your instructions are to be their parent—not their friend. And sometimes parenting is not fun. But if you don’t fill the role, who will? Children need boundaries to feel safe—friends don’t set boundaries. Children need to know they are wanted and loved by a father and mother who are committed to them, because they are committed to God.

“Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them…” (Psalm 127:3-5 NIV).

Warrior parent, what target are you aiming your children toward?

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6. My child deserves to have everything I didn't have.

Agitation swallows me when I see a child grab an object off the shelf at Walmart and demand, “I want this!” The screaming fit that follows when the mom says “no,” explodes large and loud. Embarrassed, mom relents. Chalk up another win and reinforcement of bad behavior as the child overpowers the parent, and the parent cowers in fear of a rebellion.

Parents shower children with guilt-eraser gifts they can’t afford. Cell phones, gaming systems, fad clothes, over-the-top expensive everything. And these precious little ones turn into spoiled brats who will turn into dysfunctional adults, because they believe it’s their right to own every new toy seen in HD in their living room each night.

A child deserves is to grow up in a home with a mom and dad who love, care, and provide for them. A safe home. An orderly home. A home where the Word of God is taught and lived. A home where the child learns to love and respect others.

“Do not be anxious then, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ Or ‘what shall we drink?’ Or ‘with what shall we clothe ourselves?’… your Heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you. Do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself” (Matthew 6:31-34 NIV).

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7. Kids are resilient. The adjust to all things, even divorce.

Statistics show this is perhaps the most ghastly lie of all. The percentage of children who suffer issues from anger, to drug abuse, to all types of crime, and behavioral problems often have a historical string leading back to divorce, or angry, dysfunctional parents.

And many times, these behaviors don’t manifest themselves in the child until high school, even college. We are made in the image of God, and what angers God, frustrates and angers a child—whether you believe it or not. 

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart” (Colossians 3:21 NIV).

“And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, and said, ‘Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven…and whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me; but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it is better for him that a heavy millstone be hung around his neck, and that he be drowned in the depth of the sea” (Matthew 18:2, 3, 5, 6 NIV).

Could it be we’re in the mess we’re in because we’ve believed and practiced these lies?

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A Prayer for Parents

Father in Heaven, I ask for Your mercy and the grace of forgiveness for all the times I’ve leaned to my own understanding and believed the lies that surrounded me, rather than spending the necessary time seeking, listening, and waiting for Your counsel. In Jesus name… Amen.

DiAne Gates illustrates and writes fiction for children and YA, and serious non-fiction for the folks. Her passion is calling the church’s attention to how far we’ve catapulted from God’s order as evidenced by her blog Moving the Ancient Boundaries. DiAne worked as a photographer and writer for the East Texas Youth Rodeo Association magazine, and had the opportunity to be in the rodeo arena, giving birth to her western rodeo adventure series, ROPED, (available on Amazon), which was named #5 in the Top Ten Reads for Christians Teens and Tweens. The sequel, TWISTED, will be released by Prism in early 2017. She also facilitates GriefShare, an international support ministry for those who’ve lost loved ones. 

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