7 Ways Gratitude for Your Spouse Will Transform Your Marriage

1. A Stronger Marriage

It is a biblical truth that God created marriage (Genesis 2:24). When God created marriage, it was supposed to last for a lifetime. Some scholars believe that marriage was originally supposed to last for all eternity, but the fall of humankind changed this. Since God created marriage and desired it to last, it is unsurprising that He wants our marriages to be strong. If we marry someone, it needs to be with the intention that we will be married to them for the rest of our lives.

We don't need to leave our spouse for any and every reason. Just because they are not good at cooking or tend to forget to do the laundry does not mean we have the right to leave them. By practicing gratitude, you will transform how you see your spouse and your marriage. Rather than thinking, "I wish my spouse could actually cook," try thinking, "I'm so grateful my spouse cooked this meal for me. It shows how much they love me."

Shifting your mindset can change the way you think about your spouse. You will begin to be grateful for them. Tell them, "Thank you," whenever they go out of their way to help you, even if it is just something simple. Be sure to express gratitude for their actions. This small act of kindness can go a long way and help your marriage become stronger. A marriage filled with gratitude is a marriage that will stand the test of time.

2. A Marriage Built on Trust

A marriage cannot survive unless there is trust. If lies and falsehoods enter the marriage, it can cause lasting problems. It might come as a surprise, but when spouses are genuinely thankful for their spouses, there will be a better foundation of trust. If you are truly grateful for your spouse, you will not lie to them. Lying comes with risks; if you love your spouse, you will not take them.

The more you practice gratitude in your marriage, the more you will see transforming work in your life. As you continue to extend gratitude to your spouse, you will see your marriage become more open and honest. Saying little things, such as, "I'm so thankful you are my wife (or husband)" can help your spouse feel seen.

Saying these things can also help your spouse open up to you if they are struggling with something. Sometimes, gratitude can open up a deep conversation that your spouse has been burying deep inside them. If they do, try not to pass judgment and try your best to be present with them. Validate their feelings and ensure they know you will stay by their side, no matter what.

3. Learning New Perspectives From One Another

When a husband or a wife practices gratitude for their spouse, they will start learning new perspectives from one another. Instead of thinking that some things your spouse does are strange, you will begin to be grateful for them. For example, one of my married friends has an extremely different view of fun than her husband. He likes running, backpacking, and camping, but her definition of fun is shopping or seeing a movie. While their interests differ, they have learned to appreciate one another's perspectives and interests.

This adds a new level to the marriage as it shows that both spouses are so grateful for their spouse that they are willing to do activities they may not like to see their spouse happy. Maybe your spouse likes biking, but you prefer to go to a bookstore. Try to go with them on one of their excursions, and they will begin to see you taking an interest in their own life.

You might see rather quickly how much your spouse will return the favor. They might start going to bookstores with you or talk about the book you just started. All of this will be because of the gratitude you are both extending in the marriage. Never underestimate how much gratitude can change your marriage in many positive ways.

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4. Better Communication

Gratitude in your marriage also has the potential to encourage better communication with your spouse. Unfortunately, one of the significant problems within marriages is poor communication. Due to poor communication, many couples have fights and arguments. These problems could have been prevented if there had been better communication within the marriage. If communication is a constant problem within your marriage, try practicing gratitude for your spouse.

When you start practicing gratitude for your spouse rather than thinking about all their flaws, you will begin to see your spouse in a better light. All of us have flaws as we all fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Just as we wouldn't want anyone else to judge us on the basis of our flaws, we don't need to judge others. And this is especially true for our spouse. Choose to focus on all the things you are grateful for about them and allow it to transform your marriage from the inside out.

Once gratitude has been extended regularly, your communication will improve. You and your spouse will take more time to be intentional with each other. Being thankful for each other and expressing it in your actions will help one another feel secure in the marriage. They won't doubt your words or your actions. Instead, there will be healthy communication on both sides.

5. Feeling a Sense of Belonging

Think about the last time you felt your spouse was ungrateful for you. It probably felt pretty awful. Each time you are tempted to be ungrateful for your spouse, think of how this made you feel. By reflecting on how this made you feel, you will be less likely to want to cause your spouse to feel the same horrible way. You can eliminate negative feelings or complaints by choosing gratitude and thankfulness.

The more you extend gratitude in your marriage, the more your spouse will feel a sense of belonging. Sadly, there are many married couples who feel they don't belong with one another because of past issues, trauma, or family issues. To ensure your spouse knows they belong with you and that you love them, show gratitude for them in your words and actions. With time, this will help them know they belong with you and that you want them with you.

6. Eradicating Insecurities

Another common concern within marriages is insecurities. Everyone comes with emotional baggage. Someone once insulted me because of my "emotional baggage," but when I told my sister about this insult, she shrugged it off quickly and asked, "Don't we all have emotional baggage?" My sister was right, and it helped me overcome this random woman's hurtful insult.

We all have emotional baggage, which means we all have our own insecurities. Insecurities can take a while to heal, but they are not impossible to cure. Gratitude towards your spouse is one step in the right direction. Being grateful for them will help them stop focusing on all the negative things they think about themselves. As someone with immense insecurities, I can attest to how much it means when someone helps you know that you are loved, you matter, and you are good enough just as you are.

Do this for your spouse and help them know all these things. It will strengthen your marriage and help with any future problems you may face. If you have insecurities of your own, talk about them with your spouse and ask for their help in challenging these negative beliefs. Through gratitude, your spouse will be able to help eradicate any insecurities for you as well.

7. Point One Another Back to God

Lastly, it is also important to see how gratitude will transform your marriage in the way that it will point you both back to God. Gratitude is rooted in love and kindness. God Himself is the exact embodiment of love (1 John 4:7-8). Since this is true, each time we extend love, kindness, and gratitude, we are loving our spouse as God wants. God doesn't want us to hurt or harm our spouses in any way.

If we hurt or harm our spouse, our marriage could end. Rather than causing the end of our marriage, we need to be grateful for one another and also for God. It is only because of God that we have our wonderful spouse. Each time you are grateful for your spouse, remember that it was God who brought you two together and it is Him who will keep you together for all eternity. We can praise and thank God because, ultimately, we wouldn't be where we are today without Him.

Related Resource: How to Encourage Change in Your Marriage Without Complaints

In today’s Q&A episode of the Rebuilding Us Podcast, I’m addressing a relatable question from Shannon, a listener who feels that her “decent” marriage could use a change, but she doesn’t want to sound like she’s complaining to her husband. After twelve years of marriage and three kids, Shannon is eager to reignite the spark in her marriage but finds communication challenging when her husband perceives her concerns as complaints.

Here’s the marriage advice I give Shannon, broken into three main parts that include identifying the change she wants to see, reflecting on the change she can bring, and a new conversation starter to help her see effective communication for the change she desires in her marriage.If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to The Rebuilding Us Podcast on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!

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