It happens more often than we’d like to admit. We haven’t seen a friend in years, but we feel like we have because we’ve frequently responded to each other’s comments on social media.
Or, perhaps you live near a parent, family member, or good friend, but texting or Skype is more convenient than taking the time to be with that person, at which time you could share a hug.
Or, if you’re like many people, you work from home but realize you’ll save time, effort, and gas money by teleconferencing the meeting rather than driving across town, even though in-person meetings tend to give you a much stronger sense of teamwork and connection with your colleagues.
Our tech habits may increase our work productivity and save us time, but they aren’t necessarily deepening our relationships or sense of wellbeing. We are gradually replacing personal touch and human interaction with digital connection, which distances us from each other far more than we realize.
In my book, The New Loneliness, I point out that screen time is replacing personal face-to-face time at such a rapid rate that we’re suffering the consequences of it with increased levels of anxiety, depression, and loneliness, not to mention a lack of genuine friendships. And it isn’t affecting just a few of us. It’s a national epidemic that is turning into a tech-aggravated pandemic. In some interviews with hosts of Christian radio shows in the United Kingdom, I learned this new loneliness and increased connection with tech, rather than people, isn’t just an American problem. It’s a human problem in which a growing reliance on tech, increased time on social media, and the continuation of many of our post-COVID isolation habits have exponentially distanced us from other humans.
By practicing and adopting new habits, you can keep yourself from being the next loneliness or relationship-loss statistic. Here are seven ways to be less digital and more personal today.
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1. When You’re Tempted to Text a Friend to Catch Up, Take the Time to Call Them Instead
1. When You’re Tempted to Text a Friend to Catch Up, Take the Time to Call Them Instead
Yes, everyone’s busy. Yes, it seems we’re bugging someone if we call them rather than send a more convenient, time-saving text. But when did calling someone become archaic or even rude? Anyone, even spammers, can fire off a text message to someone. By calling someone and using your voice to connect with them, even if you’re leaving a voicemail message, you are crossing that digital barrier and letting someone else know you are thinking about them to the point that you took the time to call.
Here’s another idea, although it may sound archaic. Send a handwritten card or letter to a friend or family member. It’s something someone else can receive, hold in their hand, and keep in front of them to know you were thinking of them. It lasts far longer than a fleeting text message that can easily be forgotten, especially if someone cannot respond immediately. And by letting someone know they are on your mind through a personal phone call or hand-written note, you are helping yourself hold onto some nearly forgotten habits that set you apart from computers and Artificial Intelligence.
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2. Think in Terms of Physical Touch When it Comes to Your Friendships
2. Think in Terms of Physical Touch When it Comes to Your Friendships
We’ve become a no-touch society. Ever since we started social distancing during the pandemic, we’ve gotten the idea that touching another person isn’t right, acceptable, or healthy. But if someone is your friend, how long has it been since they’ve had a handshake, a hug, or just a squeeze on their shoulder?
If you meet someone, or someone extends a polite gesture toward you, can you smile (the equivalent of a virtual hug these days) or reach out and touch their arm or elbow to say “I care”?
Human touch is very closely associated with good physical health…it’s why babies fail to thrive when not touched or cuddled. It’s why single people live shorter lives than those who are married or often surrounded by close friends. Touch is something ingrained in us that sets us apart as humans.
God found a way to reach down from heaven and touch us by sending His Son, who walked among us, healed through His physical touch many times, and showed us what it meant to care for and serve one another lovingly. Years ago, the telephone company (there was just one) advertised with the slogan: “Reach out and touch someone.”
The irony today is that phones and our extensive use keep us from physically reaching out and touching someone. Be intentional about lovingly touching those you love, not just your keyboard.
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3. Replace Time Spent on Social Media with Time Spent in the Physical Presence of Real Friends
3. Replace Time Spent on Social Media with Time Spent in the Physical Presence of Real Friends
We now define “friend” as an acquaintance on our social media profile. But a friend is someone you get to know beyond a surface level, someone you spend physical time with. Many people have been burned by discovering that an online acquaintance or “friend” wasn’t who they claimed to be at all. In fact, many people on social media (myself included) have been hacked by others impersonating our names and identities and attempting to communicate privately with our friends—all while pretending to be us! And then there’s Artificial Intelligence, which isn’t a deceptive human; it’s just not human.
Cut the amount of time you scroll through social media observing or commenting on others’ posts, and use that time to set up a lunch appointment with a real friend, a phone conversation at a specific time with someone you need to reconnect with, or a facetime or Skype call with a loved one who lives far away. Every step you take to connect more personally with someone else will make you less of a number on the internet and more of a genuine friend. And as you focus on being a friend to someone, you may find they reciprocate.
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4. Set a Goal for Regular Personal Interaction with Friends or Family Members
4. Set a Goal for Regular Personal Interaction with Friends or Family Members
The only way our personal time with people will outweigh our virtual time with our screens is when we become deliberate about getting together physically with others, or making the effort to connect with them more personally. Limit your screen time on social media and determine to replace it with face-to-face time (not on your device, but in person) with at least one friend a week.
Think of your online communication (be it text, online, or via social media) as not counting toward real social interaction, and you may see your need to aim for more regular personal interaction outside your home or office. Set a goal for one personal meetup a week, and in a few months, you may find that it occurs naturally without you having to be so deliberate.
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5. Determine to Be Available Physically and Emotionally to Those You Love, at the Expense of Not Being There Virtually for Everyone Else
5. Determine to Be Available Physically and Emotionally to Those You Love, at the Expense of Not Being There Virtually for Everyone Else
You and I can either train others to respect our time, or we can train them to expect us to drop everything and respond to their texts or inquiries immediately, even when we have no desire to do so. Somewhere between throwing out the archaic answering machine and the invention of text messaging, we got the idea that we must respond immediately to anyone who contacts us. You can call it “work” and make excuses for the urgency of someone’s request or message, but anytime you give someone instant access to you, you have more people to filter through before you can truly be there mentally and physically for the people you love the most.
You must decide who can immediately access you and who cannot.
Those on your immediate access list (who can instant message or text you) should be the few priority people in your life—your spouse, parent, child, and anyone you are personally responsible for. Anyone else can wait, which means the boss or a co-worker. Just as no one ever said on their deathbed, “I wish I spent more time at the office,” likewise, no one will ever say, “I wish people saw me as more productive and one to get back to them immediately, no matter what else was going on.”
A dying person’s regret is almost always that they did not prioritize the most important people in their lives, namely, their spouse or children. Who will you drop everything for to come to their help? If it’s everyone, then it’s really no one. Be selective, decide who has earned immediate access to you, and hold firm to those boundaries.
Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man of too many friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Be that real, authentic friend who sticks closer than a brother or sister by determining the few with complete and immediate access to you.
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6. Get Out Into Your Community and Make New Friends
6. Get Out Into Your Community and Make New Friends
When you meet someone face to face, you know you’re getting the real thing, not a polished social media image “based on reality” or an AI impersonation of someone else.
Frequently, you can go to a coffee shop, deli, or restaurant where you get to know the owners and employees, and they recognize you as a familiar face. Learn their names. Practice eye contact and start initiating conversation.
Contrary to what anyone under 30 may tell you, it’s not rude or stalker-like behavior to be friendly to strangers. It’s polite and considerate. And sometimes it opens doors to new connections and eventually new friends. Jesus said others would know His followers by their love. Are you showing love to others through simple acts of kindness, like showing up and sharing a smile and a kind word? The world will know we are Christians by our love, not by having our noses in our phones like the rest of the culture.
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7. Get Back to Church if You’re Physically Able
7. Get Back to Church if You’re Physically Able
Livestreaming church services during the COVID pandemic lockdowns was a lifeline for many. And it remains a blessing to shut-ins those who cannot physically get to church. But it may be a temptation and distraction to you today if it’s too comfortable to merely “observe” church on your living room couch in your jammies instead of physically showing up and rubbing shoulders with other believers.
The body of Christ exists not so we can merely hear a sermon on Sunday mornings, but to link up with believers and practice Philippians 2:2 by being of “the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.” If you’re not linking up with other believers, where are you giving, serving, and using your spiritual gifts? (which are intended to build up the church).
Being a part of Christ’s body—the local church—isn’t an option for believers; it is a command.
Hebrews 10:24-25 says: “let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near” (NASB).
Your heavenly Father and loving Savior knew you’d need the body of Christ throughout your life on this earth, especially in this digital age of so many substitutions for the real thing.
For more on becoming more personal with God and others, see Cindi’s books: The New Loneliness: Nurturing Meaningful Connections When You Feel Isolated, and The New Loneliness Devotional: 50 Days to a Closer Connection with God.
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Originally published April 24, 2025.
