3 Biblical Reasons to Embrace Forgiveness with Family This Thanksgiving

3 Biblical Reasons to Embrace Forgiveness with Family This Thanksgiving

You may be one of the many of us who are approaching Thanksgiving with trepidation, anxiety, and not a little stress. This is disheartening, considering the holidays are supposed to be a time for togetherness, family, gratitude, and love for each other. Unfortunately, that is not the experience of many. The very idea of a Thanksgiving meal around a table and sharing thanks with family may be laughable. We've experienced dysfunctional relationships, trauma, and betrayal. Your picture of Thanksgiving is anything but the old-fashioned Norman Rockwell imagery of old. Instead, it's bleak, streaked with bad words that are bleeped out for the sake of the children's ears. Or not. Sometimes, we're left with slamming doors and squealing tires, or perhaps worse, we simply don't gather to give thanks at all.

For many this Thanksgiving, we will grit our teeth, clench our jaw, and try to interact with civility for the sake of our parents, siblings, or someone else in the family who doesn't deserve to be captured within the friction of hurting relationships. What's worse is we all know—at least deep down inside—the entire tension would go away if we instituted forgiveness. But that word—forgiveness—comes with a steep price. Many of us not only don't want to pay but also don't feel it deserves to be paid. Forgiveness comes with sacrifice. Interestingly enough, it's sacrifice that we give thanks for this time of year, and yet, we withhold our gratitude and forgiveness and cling to suspicions and bitterness.

It's an oxymoron in many ways, yet not forgiving feels justified. It's an emotional vigilante justice that keeps us energized in a toxic way. But inside, we're seeping the poison of anger, quivering in the muck of anxiety or drowning in the dark waters of broken hearts. Because we can name the date, the time, the person, and the situation that has put us in that position, forgiveness is not on the to-do list this holiday.

But it should be.

Ouch. There's the rub.

We know that Christ Jesus, whose birth we'll celebrate sooner rather than later, is the ultimate example of forgiveness. In fact, the Lord has instructed His followers to adopt the act of forgiveness, and that's where it really hurts. By not practicing forgiveness, we're actually disobedient to the instruction of the very one who offered forgiveness with the highest of costs: His very life.

So if the Lord has instructed us to forgive, the natural question that follows is: Why? Why forgive? What does Scripture have to say about why embracing forgiveness is so important?

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  • Married couple hugging forgiveness

    1. To receive forgiveness, we must give forgiveness. 

    It is important to embrace forgiveness because it brings health and restoration. Oh yes, it may not be deserved, and that's the sticking point for many of us. Even for the disciple Peter who asked:

    Matthew 18:21-22 "Then Peter came up and said to him, 'Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?' Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.'"

    In other words, there is no limit to the amount of times we should forgive the same person who has wronged us. Forgiveness isn't a tally sheet that expires after we reach a certain quantity. It should be given endlessly. Why? Jesus answers that a few verses down:

    "And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?"

    Because He forgave us, so we should forgive others. That's our why. How can we claim Christ's forgiveness for our offenses and yet hold another responsible for paying restitution until we feel the wrong has been paid for?

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  • Friends arguing toxic narcissist

    2. Revenge is not ours to take.

    That's hard to swallow too. We want to seek revenge—even if that punishment is our silence across the dinner table. The cold shoulder. The icy glare. There's something satisfying in making sure the other knows that we have been wronged.

    But it states in Romans 9: "Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.'

    Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

    There are some key whys in these verses. Leave room for God's wrath—He will dish out vengeance and take care of any retribution. Not you. Feed your enemies—your role is to serve, to give, to embrace humility in spite of being wronged. Do not be overcome by evil—overcome it with good. For your health. Your spiritual health. For the health of those around you.

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  • Father hugging son

    3. Forgiveness protects relationships.

    Maybe you've reached a point where you don't care if the relationship is protected. Perhaps it's gone far beyond what you feel is a point of redemption. And yet, has it?

    Proverbs 17 says: Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.

    In short summary of that declaration, offense paid with offense promises the separation of those we are closest too. It's also interesting that it doesn't clarify that the "close friend" is also the one against whom the offense was made—necessarily. Offenses wound and break close relationships—including those around the warring the parties. A lack of forgiveness rarely affects only the people immediately involved. Repeat offenses that go back and forth affect others close to us. It breaks those relationships too.

    Think of a time when the offense against you was made. Now consider the arguments, the words, and the animosity that was sent back and forth with the absence of forgiveness. Take your eyes from the memory of the one you're angry against and shift it to those who have witnessed this. The eyes of your children, your family, the wounded expressions, the frightened stares, the anxious hearts, and the tears of the ones who aren't even directly involved and yet still bear the fall-out and shrapnel of your personal war.

    Fostering love in the face of conflict can be the most protective thing you do for the sake of those around you—not just for the one who has offended you. And even if there are no witnesses to be wounded, fostering love will still cover more of the offense than enacting your version of justice, or assuming you now have the right to repeat the same offense.

    There are more reasons to embrace forgiveness. But these three are critical. In summary: embrace forgiveness this Thanksgiving because – how you forgive is how the Lord will forgive you; because revenge was never yours to dish out; and because you're protecting relationships by offering forgiveness.

    No it's not easy. An article like this can make it seem so simple and straightforward. Offering forgiveness this Thanksgiving may be the hardest thing you ever do in your life. That's why the Lord offers to be your strength in times of need. Because forgiveness is not something that comes from you. It comes from the Forgiver through you. It is for you just as much as for your offender. It requires surrender. And that, dear heart, is worth giving thanks for—even if it hurts.

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    Jaime Jo Wright is an ECPA and Publisher’s Weekly bestselling author. Her novel “The House on Foster Hill” won the prestigious Christy Award and she continues to publish Gothic thrillers for the inspirational market. Jaime Jo resides in the woods of Wisconsin, lives in dreamland, exists in reality, and invites you to join her adventures at jaimewrightbooks.com and at her podcast madlitmusings.com where she discusses the deeper issues of story and faith with fellow authors.