7 Biblical Secrets to a Fulfilling Sex Life in Marriage

1. Respect and Safety

Sexual intimacy thrives in an environment of respect and safety.

Ephesians 5:25-33 provides a blueprint for this. Husbands are called to love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. This sacrificial love sets the foundation for mutual respect and safety within the marriage.

Respect in marriage involves recognizing the inherent dignity and worth of our spouse. God made each of us in his image, and we must be careful not to harm or hurt the other in any way. Ephesians 5:28-29 states, “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church.” Expressing the love of God, we cherish and nurture one another, which is crucial for fulfilling sexual intimacy.

Safety in marriage goes hand in hand with respect. When people feel unsafe or unaccepted, they withdraw and become disconnected, and the same happens with sex. In a relationship where both feel secure, they can fully express themselves without fear of judgment or harm. This security fosters intimacy and trust, essential components of a satisfying sex life. This unity is built on a foundation of mutual safety and respect.

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2. Communication

Healthy communication lies at the heart of a great marriage, including the sex life. Depending on our religious background, some may think talking about sex is dirty or taboo. Yet, for married couples, the opposite proves true. Again, God created sex for the married couple to enjoy and bless one another, necessitating we speak about it openly.

The Song of Solomon explores a loving and passionate relationship between a couple, from courtship through marriage, and even poetically describes mutual attraction, sexual desire, and restraint, depending on the situation.

Communication about sexual desires and boundaries builds a strong, intimate connection. In Song of Solomon, the lovers frequently express their affection and desire for each other. For example, Song of Solomon 4:7 states, “You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.” We should verbally affirm and express admiration for our spouse, fostering a deeper connection.

Discussing sexual needs and preferences openly can prevent misunderstandings and enhance mutual satisfaction. Addressing any sexual concerns or issues through compassionate dialogue ensures that both partners feel heard and valued. Song of Solomon 6:3 states, “I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine; he grazes among the lilies.” This mutual belonging emphasizes the importance of sharing and understanding each other's needs and feelings.

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3. Regular Loving Affection

Sex shouldn’t be the only time we show affection to one another as a married couple. Just as we should learn healthy communication in all marital areas, we can always show loving affection, including non-sexual touches and embraces.

Within this practice, sex becomes one way to show loving affection. Proverbs 5:18-19 states, “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.” This passage emphasizes the importance of ongoing affection and delight in our spouse, not just in sexual intimacy but in everyday interactions.

Regular displays of affection, such as holding hands, hugging, and verbal affirmations, create a foundation of love and trust. These non-sexual gestures strengthen the emotional bond between spouses, making sexual intimacy more meaningful and satisfying. Proverbs 5:19’s vivid imagery describes a loving relationship’s deep satisfaction and joy, suggesting that affection should be a continuous and integral part of marriage.

Showing affection outside the bedroom builds a sense of security and appreciation. It reinforces the idea that love is not solely based on physical attraction but on emotional connection and mutual respect. When spouses regularly express their love through kind words, thoughtful actions, and tender touches, they nurture a deeper connection that enhances their sexual relationship.

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4. Selflessness

In the Body of Christ, we’ve been given spiritual gifts not to self-aggrandize but to bless and encourage others. In this way, all are blessed and encouraged. When we seek our own pleasure in any relationship, we find emptiness, not satisfaction.

Philippians 2:3-4 instructs, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” Applying this to marriage, couples should prioritize their spouse’s needs and desires, fostering a spirit of selflessness. This approach not only strengthens emotional bonds but also creates a more fulfilling sexual relationship, where both partners feel valued and cherished.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 further emphasizes mutual consideration: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

An important note: true selflessness includes not taking advantage of the other’s willingness. This works when both parties submit to each other and seek to serve, not when one takes advantage of another’s love.

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5. Emotional Vulnerability

Sex can be a vulnerable experience. We can feel exposed in every way. Therefore, emotional vulnerability in our marriages enriches our married sex life.

Ephesians 4:32 states, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Emotional vulnerability requires both to be open and honest about their feelings, fears, and desires. This openness fosters deeper intimacy, allowing couples to connect on a profound emotional level that enhances their physical relationship.

Being emotionally vulnerable means sharing one's innermost thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment or rejection. When both partners feel safe to express their true selves, it strengthens the emotional foundation of their marriage, leading to a more fulfilling sex life. Additionally, emotional vulnerability encourages empathy and compassion. By understanding each other's emotional needs and responding with kindness, couples can navigate conflicts and challenges more effectively. Despite what media and a porn-influenced culture might tell us, sex includes emotional and spiritual aspects. Emotional intimacy, which begins with vulnerability, heightens our sexual experiences.

In practice, this might involve regularly setting aside time for heartfelt conversations, actively listening to each other, and offering reassurance and support.

Important note: this includes laughing together. Make time for fun activities, develop intimacy through inside jokes, and help us not take ourselves so seriously. God meant for sex to be fun, so having fun together and laughing improves our sex life, too.

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6. Understanding and Patience

No couple is great at communication or conflict when they begin. We develop these skills throughout the relationship through humility, patience, and understanding. And we must constantly adjust and relearn these skills as life changes through kids, changing careers, and general personal growth over decades. We need the same in our sex lives.

Colossians 3:12-14 states, “Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” We especially embody these virtues within a marriage.

Understanding our spouse involves listening to their needs, desires, and concerns. It means taking the time to know them and truly appreciate their unique personality and experiences. This depth of understanding fosters a strong emotional connection, which is essential for a fulfilling sex life. When both partners feel understood and valued, it deepens their intimacy and trust.

Patience plays a crucial role in navigating the complexities of marital intimacy. Practicing patience means giving each other the grace to grow and change, allowing time for mutual adaptation and understanding. This patience creates a safe space for both partners to express themselves freely, enhancing their emotional and physical connection.

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7. Shared Spiritual Life

God gave Eve to Adam so they could partner in the mission God gave them, to have kids and spread the Lord’s creative, Edenic order across the whole earth. A shared spiritual life leads to more intimacy and a more fulfilling sex life.

1 Peter 3:7 advises, “Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” As Jesus’ followers, husband and wife partner in God’s mission as fellow heirs of grace. When couples actively engage in spiritual practices together, such as prayer, Bible study, and worship, we cultivate a unified spiritual foundation that strengthens the overall relationship.

Praying together allows couples to connect deeper, sharing their hopes, fears, and gratitude with each other and God. This spiritual intimacy builds trust and openness, which are essential for a fulfilling sex life. Studying the Bible together encourages discussions about faith and values, aligning with spiritual truth and allowing each to share biblical insights to encourage the other.

Worshiping together reinforces the bond between spouses, reminding them of their shared love for and submission to God. This collective worship experience can be a powerful way to connect emotionally and spiritually, positively impacting their physical intimacy. The sense of partnership in spiritual growth translates into a stronger, more intimate marital relationship.

According to God, who created sex, it is physical, emotional, and spiritual oneness for a married couple partnering in God’s eternal purpose. Aligning with this design, all aspects of marriage improve, including sex.

Take the time to invest in conversation, adventures, service, generosity, and more together, and you’ll find the union in other areas improves the sex life, which God created to be a blessing for us as part of the whole, not divorced from it.

Peace.

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