Have you ever experienced a breach in a friendship you thought was unbreakable? Have you ever had a friend you regarded more like a sister and thought your bond could only grow stronger as the years went by, but instead, it ended abruptly? Have you ever been caught off guard by the sudden demise of a friendship you just knew would stand the test of time?
Let us all tell the truth. At some point in life, along our friendship journey, the answer is YES! We have all known the unexpected reality of a friendship breakup. It does not matter how long you have been in fellowship with the Lord or how spiritually mature you may be. Our humanity ensures we will not get a pass on feeling the hurt, shock, pain, and even devastation that can accompany such an experience.
What can be even more baffling is when both women are also sisters-in-Christ. After all, if we are all Christians, shouldn’t we be able to resolve conflict, respect differences, and love unconditionally? Well… yes, we should be able to do so. However, that is easier said than done, especially when offense, disappointments, and bitterness are at work within the relationship.
As Christian marriages are under attack, so are Christian friendships. Give me two women who both love God and have connected in covenant, kingdom friendship, and I will show you a friendship targeted and despised by the devil. The enemy will stop at nothing to destroy anything that exists to reflect the light and love of God. 1 Peter 5:8 (NIV) warns us, “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
He hates anything that points to the goodness and glory of our God. This is why he attempts to wreak havoc in our lives and relationships. Once we are dealt what might feel like a deadly friendship blow, the devil is counting on us cutting our ties and counting them as losses never to be regained.
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The Value of Friendship When You’re Sisters in Christ
The Value of Friendship When You’re Sisters in Christ
In the kingdom of God, there is a distinct difference from the viewpoint of dominant culture as it relates to the value of relationships. Listen to what Paul says in 2 Corinthians 5:17-20 (NIV):
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.
Have you ever considered that the purpose of Jesus’ ministry on earth was reconciliation? He came to reconcile us back to God, our Father! If God made a way for us to be reconciled to Him, why would He not desire us to be reconciled with one another, especially those we call our sisters and friends?
Even though there will be times when friendships reach the "irretrievably broken” status among believers, this should be the exception and not the norm. Can you imagine the greater glory God receives when we are reconciled with our sisters in friendship? Restoration should always be the goal because God specializes in restoring broken things and broken people. He does not give up on us when things in our relationship with Him go awry. Perhaps we should not so easily throw in the towel and give up on one another in our female friendships also.
If restoration should always be an option near and dear to our hearts, then why is it seemingly so hard to navigate? Not to oversimplify the issue, but simply put, we (Christian women) do not always want to engage in the work of friendship. While we enjoy the benefits of friendship, there is also another side to it that requires our best efforts, time, and attention. And yes, (don’t shoot the messenger), we are sometimes selfishly more concerned about preserving our own interests over God’s purposes for our friendships. After all, every God-ordained relationship in our life is bigger than us – that is, bigger than our personal enjoyment, our comfort, and our convenience. They have kingdom purposes attached to them. Our friendships are no different.
If we ever truly endeared another sister as a friend, then I believe that friendship is worth praying for restoration to occur. Three key factors are necessary for restoration to happen in friendship. Will you bravely consider bringing your friendships before God in prayer with these key factors in mind?
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1. Humility and Repentance
1. Humility and Repentance
Maybe right out of the gate, you are thinking to yourself, “Why do I need to repent? I am not the offender. I did not do anything wrong!” Maybe you are right. However, just as it takes partnership to make any relationship successful, it also takes each person willing to be vulnerable with themselves in the presence of God. In this posture, God often shows us ourselves. We see how we may have unintentionally fallen short of being the best version of ourselves in our friendships. Our hearts are softened, and we are able to consider our own actions rather than focusing on the other person’s behavior.
This kind of introspective self-inventory allows us to not only humble ourselves before God but likewise respond in humility to our friends. Maybe we do need to repent and ask their forgiveness for an offense. You see, humility allows us to consider the perspective and position of others with a more insightful and balanced approach. If we are holding any type of grudge in our hearts, then we have a responsibility to ask forgiveness of another. Restoration in friendship will require our ability to forgive, but this is not possible without first yielding to humility that leads to repentance.
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2. Honesty in Communication
2. Honesty in Communication
Restoration is possible when we are willing to be honest with ourselves, God, and our friends. God does not expect us to act as if there are no issues that need to be addressed. He does not want us to stuff our feelings or pretend we are not processing the damage, injury, or sting that has occurred within the friendship. We cannot avoid the “elephant in the room” that needs to be confronted, but we can respond with grace.
How do we respond with grace? By speaking the truth in love. Ephesians 4:15 (NIV) tells us, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of Him who is the head, that is, Christ.” Honest communication should be conveyed in a loving manner that evidences the spirit of God at work within us (see Galatians 5:22-23, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8). If we follow after the spirit of God and are not led by our flesh, then our honest communication will demonstrate the very definition of restoration: the act of restoring; renewal, revival, or reestablishment.
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3. Healing That Is Progressive
3. Healing That Is Progressive
When I was struggling with trying to figure out how I would practically live out forgiveness and restoration in a broken friendship, my very wise husband offered me a piece of valuable advice I have never forgotten. After making the statement, “I can’t just forget everything that has happened between us,” my hubby then responded, “God doesn’t expect you to forget, He expects you to forgive and move forward.” Through his comment, I realized that although forgiveness is a process we walk out by faith, so is receiving God’s healing.
Making the choice to forgive and being open to restoration in friendship takes courage. You may not feel like you can just forget, forgive, and pick up where you left off before the breach in the friendship occurred. This is completely understandable and normal. Yet, trusting God to complete the work He has started in the friendship is possible as we accept His progressive healing.
Healing may not always manifest immediately. Sometimes, it is through each new interaction with your friend that God continues to bring about healing in the relationship. Healing is often revealed through the goodness of new encounters you would have never known previously. This is precisely why we should not give up on our friendships and remain open to restoration: God has so much more goodness for us to experience together.
Therefore, before you permanently cancel out the possibility of reconciliation in your failing, fallen friendships, consider these key factors as prayer points that just might re-direct your resolution and lead you to restoration with your sister-friends in Christ.
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Originally published February 25, 2025.
