10 Funny Bible Quotes and What They Really Mean

1. Job’s Friends Thought They Were So Wise

“Doubtless you are the only people who matter, and wisdom will die with you!” (Job 12:2 NIV)

On the face of it, this verse sounds like an overdone compliment. In fact, this is Job giving a sarcastic response to his friends who insisted his suffering must stem from sin he hadn’t confessed.

What We Can Learn: We often forget that the Bible wasn’t written originally with verse numbers. They were written on scrolls as unified sermons or stories, passed down for centuries. Various translators tried different systems to divide the books of the Bible into smaller chapters before we got the modern verse-and-chapter system in 1551, when printer Robert Stephanus published an Old Testament. Verse numbers can be helpful for memorization and study, but each verse only gives part of the picture.

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2. Unicorns in Numbers 24

“God brought him forth out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn: he shall eat up the nations his enemies, and shall break their bones, and pierce them through with his arrows.” (Numbers 24:8 KJV)

This may look like one of those Bible verses that describes exotic animals, like the Leviathan or the Behemoth. In fact, as BibleStudyTools.com contributor Hope Bolinger explains, the word appears to be an odd translation choice in the King James Bible.

The Old Testament Hebrew Lexicon by Brown, Driver, Briggs, and Gesenius explains that the Hebrew word in this passage, rᵉʼêm, appears to mean a wild bull or ox. Specifically, it describes a species of wild bull or ox that is now extinct. The KJV translators apparently chose to use a word that fit what the passage seemed to describe (a four-footed animal with a horn). Whether the translators believed actual unicorns existed or just wanted to use a word that had fantastic overtones since the passage is a metaphorical description of how fantastic God’s powers are, is harder to say.

What We Can Learn: While people argue about whether the KJV is better than newer translations, this bizarre example proves a point: every translation has its quirks. Reputable translations are the product of teams of people doing rigorous research, and conspiracy theories about them are rarely true. Still, every translation is informed in some way by when it was written, and the translators’ worldview. None of these factors change the fact that the Bible is God’s inspired word. They should motivate us to consider multiple translations, recognize that picking one translation and reading it as literally as possible (assuming the translator thought exactly like us and we don’t have to think about context) never works.

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3. Job Gives Feedback to His Friends

“If only you would be altogether silent! For you, that would be wisdom.” (Job 13:5 NIV)

Another snarky response from Job, you may have heard someone mention this one as a prank back in youth group, (“I suggest you memorize Job 13:5 this week…”). At this point, Job has doubled down on his harsh words to his friends in Job 12.

What We Can Learn: We probably shouldn’t emulate Job’s snark attitude today, but he did have a point. He did not ask his friends for their advice, or to say anything. He was suffering, his friends came and stayed with him for several days, and then began criticizing his behavior. As Britt Mooney notes, weeping with those who weeps usually works best when we give people our presence and help, not our opinions. There is a time and place to give advice, and maybe even rebuke, but it is rarely when someone is at the start of the grieving process.

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4. Ecclesiastes 10 Says All You Need Is Cash

“A feast is made for laughter, wine makes life merry, and money is the answer for everything.” (Ecclesiastes 10:19 NIV)

On the face of it, this verse sounds like the opposite of biblical advice: it tells readers that wealth and drinking solve everything. However, as with the Job 12:2 verse, context is everything. Looking at Ecclesiastes 10 as a whole chapter shows how it alternates between saying what wisdom is (to be a good ruler, to be careful with resources) and showing what foolishness is (a ruler being foolish with resources). So, as Matthew Henry observes in his commentary, the point of this verse and the surrounding ones is to watch out for rulers who act like only money and merriment matter. “What is to be had may be had for money. But it answers nothing to the soul.”

What We Can Learn: First, the verse reminds us that it’s tempting to think partying and materialism will solve everything. We all have to watch out for that temptation—whether we are tempted by money, job recognition, or some other material temptation. Second, the verse reminds us that context isn’t just important when we’re reading Bible stories like the book of Job. Looking at the context (what’s in the rest of this chapter?) is also important for poetic books like Ecclesiastes or Proverbs.

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5. Delilah Weaves Samson’s Hair

“. . . ‘If you weave the seven braids of my head into the fabric on the loom and tighten it with the pin, I’ll become as weak as any other man.’ So while he was sleeping, Delilah took the seven braids of his head, wove them into the fabric.” (Samson 16:13b)

Why Samson told Delilah that making his hair into a shirt would weaken him is hard to say. However, as many people remember from Sunday School, she tried it and it didn’t work. However, she did eventually convince Samson to tell her the truth, and he did lose his God-given strength.

What We Can Learn: While most of us (hopefully) haven’t toyed with people the way Delilah and Samson toyed with each other, we’ve all felt the temptation to manipulate someone or sensed someone was doing it to us. Especially in romantic relationships, it’s easy to play mind games with each other, or to compromise our ethics to get affection. The results will always hurt us.

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6. Aaron Claims the Calf Came by Magic in Exodus 32

“So I told them, ‘Whoever has any gold jewelry, take it off.’ Then they gave me the gold, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf!” (Exodus 32:24)

This verse sounds like Aaron, Moses’ brother, is describing a bizarre magic trick. However, that is the point: Aaron is making a quick excuse which makes little sense. The truth is that while Moses was on Mt. Sinai talking with God, the Israelites demanded that Aaron make them an idol to worship. When Moses came down the mountain with the Ten Commandments and saw people worshipping a golden calf, he became very angry.

What We Can Learn: Most of us in the Western world don’t experience pagan idolatry, so it’s hard to understand why Aaron gave into the pressure to make an idol and then lied about it. It is important to recognize pagan idols were seen as normal in Aaron’s time: everyone had deities they worshipped, usually connected to their geographic territory. So, Aaron had the same experience we all have: giving into pressure to do something sinful that seemed excusable, then getting caught, then looking foolish when trying to justify the sinful behavior. That foolish moment when we’re caught is humiliating but reminds us of why it’s important to follow God. In the long run, making compromises with sin will always end badly.

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7. God’s Instructions about Hair in Ezekiel 5

“Mortal man, take a sharp sword and use it to shave off your beard and all your hair. Then weigh the hair on scales and divide it into three parts. Burn up a third of it in the city when the siege is over. Take another third and chop it up with your sword as you move around outside the city. Scatter the remaining third to the winds, and I will pursue it with my sword. Keep back a few hairs and wrap them in the hem of your clothes. Then take a few of them out again, throw them in the fire, and let them burn up.” (Ezekiel 5:1-4 NIV)

God’s instructions to Ezekiel sound like a strange circus routine. However, the larger context shows that God has a point behind these instructions. Ezekiel’s hair (being burned, thrown to the winds) will symbolize what is going to happen to the Israelites (their homes destroyed, people being thrown to the winds as they enter exile because of their sins).

What We Can Learn: The Old Testament prophets (especially Ezekiel and Jeremiah) were often told to do strange things in public. Steve Turner points out in his book Imagine that the prophets’ curious behavior often resembles modern performance art. Performance art is often strange, but with a point—to make people reconsider their situation, to shake up their sensibilities. The Old Testament prophetic role may not exist anymore, but the principle here can apply to artists and other kinds of communicators: what initially seems weird or dark may have a broad point that can teach us something. We forget that God’s wisdom often is foolish to the world.

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8. Ehud’s Judgment in Judges 3

“Ehud reached with his left hand, drew the sword from his right thigh and plunged it into the king’s belly.” (Judges 3:21 NIV)

The story of Ehud killing the Moabite king Eglon may sound disturbing or funny, depending on how dark and scatological your sense of humor is. The full context is that God had appointed Ehud as a judge to protect the Israelites. Ehud plied his way into Eglon’s household by saying he had a prophetic message for the king, keeping his sword hidden on his thigh. When the time came, he killed Eglon. As the next verse shows, Eglon did not have an easy death.

What We Can Learn: Eglon’s death reminds us that the consequences of sinning can be surprising. Ehud’s assassination technique may shock us today, and there aren’t any judges anymore, but his tactic does show that God isn’t flatly opposed to trickery. Multiple verses warn us not to be deceitful for our own gain or be rude. However, we also see stories like Ehud tricking Eglon and David tricking the Philistines (by pretending to be insane), where God’s chosen people behaved shrewdly to get the job done. Sometimes worshipping God with all of our minds means being clever and doing the unexpected, with God’s guidance along the way.

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9. The Wooing in Song of Solomon 4

“Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone.” (Song of Solomon 4:2 NIV)

The Song of Solomon may be an extended allegory about God’s love for his people, but it is also a love poem. While some of the wooing material still sounds romantic and moving today, other lines feel odd. When was the last time you told your wife her teeth were like sheep? However, when we consider the fact that the author lived in a pastoral society where everyone would know what a newly shorn sheep looked like (very white, very pure-looking), the metaphor makes sense.

What We Can Learn: We sometimes forget that the Bible was written millennia ago. Many metaphors it uses or customs it describes (like Boaz getting a man’s sandal to seal an agreement), sound odd to us today. We must be willing to dive a little into the culture, to consider how ancient people saw the world, to understand the richness of the stories.

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10. Paul’s Galatians 5 Advice to Legalists

“As for those agitators, I wish they would go the whole way and emasculate themselves!” (Galatians 5:12 NIV)

Paul’s comment about legalists in the Galatian church claiming all Christians must be circumcised is shocking. Some translations render it more graphically, but once you realize he’s talking about circumcision, the intent is clear. However, his comment fits within a larger, loving message: don’t get caught up in legalism, Christ has paid for it all.

What We Can Learn: Caustic language for the sake of it is bad. Usually, shock value only works if someone is known for being kind and trustworthy—a generally abrasive person who says something shocking won’t convince anybody. But Paul could use some shocking, even graphic language, to make a strong point in his letters because he did it strategically and always in contexts where the rest of the letter showed how much he loved who he was talking to. In specific contexts, backed by love for the audience, shock tactics to make a point is no bad thing.

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