10 Lies the Enemy Uses to Keep You Feeling Lonely

1. Independence Means You Are Strong

Those of us who live in America are particularly susceptible to this lie. As Westerners, we value independence. However, nowhere in all of scripture is independence affirmed. We must be careful to not absorb the devil’s lie that we are better as independent creatures.

The truth is God designed us to be interdependent. We were created and called to live in community with others. We need each other. This was the Apostle Paul’s concern when he wrote to the church in Corinth reminding them that every part of the body of Christ is valuable and needed. “Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts from one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one spirit so as to form one body (1 Corinthians 12:12-13). Paul goes on to describe in this chapter how every part is needed. The truth is we need each other.

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2. Vulnerability Makes You Weak

This is a big lie bought by many in leadership. We feel if we are vulnerable, it will make us weak in front of those who follow us. As a result, many Christian leaders are not authentic or vulnerable, and they end up living an isolated life.

The truth is vulnerability strengthens our connections and our souls. Jesus modeled this in the Garden of Gethsemane. He took Peter, James and John deeper into the garden and then vulnerably told them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” (Matthew 26:38). If Jesus shared vulnerably with His close friends, shouldn’t we? Vulnerability with deepen your friendships. Don’t let the enemy keep you from being authentic with others. Dare to be vulnerable!

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3. A Full Schedule Means You Are Successful

Busyness is one of the biggest reasons we feel disconnected and lonely. The enemy has convinced us that if our calendar is full we must be living the abundant life Jesus offered. The problem is that so many of us have become so incredibly busy that we are disconnected from God and others. We simply don’t have time to spend time in prayer and we certainly don’t have time to get together with friends. Instead our life has become a frantic race comprised of many meetings and events. If you don’t believe me, think for a moment of the last time you tried to schedule dinner with friends. How long did it take you to come up with a date?

The truth is our busyness has become the biggest deterrent to our spiritual and emotional lives. We were never meant to live life in a constant state of hurry. If you examine the life of Jesus, he was never in a rush! He took time for people. He visited homes. He allowed others to interrupt when he was on His way to an important event even when the situation was dire (Mark 5:22-41). Jesus consistently made time in his schedule for people.

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4. Social Media Keeps You Connected

Social media serves a purpose, but deeper connections are not one of them. Yet, the enemy has taken the gift of social media and our cell phones and turned them into an addiction. As a result, we’ve become so addicted to the dopamine rush of likes and shares that we can no longer focus for more than a few seconds in face-to-face conversation. This lie has become so pervasive that I recently heard that some States may ban cell phones in school because kids are no longer able to focus. They are so distracted that test scores are plummeting.

The truth is our brains are wired for face-to-face connection. Science has confirmed what God intended: that we have neurons in our brain that are aired to respond to the emotions of others so that we can mirror their feelings and feel connected. We need live in-person connection. The early church understood this, and the book of Acts tells us that they got together every day (Acts 2:46). The writer of Hebrews warns us that we are not to give up meeting together but that we are to continually encourage each other (Hebrews 10:25).

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5. You Are a Victim and Need Walls to Protect Yourself

Those who have been hurt in close relationships swallow this lie hook, line, and sinker! Due to the trauma of past hurt, they become afraid of intimacy with others. They build walls around their hearts to protect them from new hurts. The problem is behind those walls, they suffer from loneliness and isolation.

The truth is you are victorious in Jesus Christ. Every time you forgive and move past an offense, you demonstrate the power of the victorious Christ within you! You don’t need walls to protect yourself, you can trust Jesus to guard your heart as you extend forgiveness and grace to others. We are called to continually forgive others (Colossians 3:13). As we offer forgiveness and let go of hurt, we are able to move beyond our loneliness and enjoy a life of deep connections.

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6. You Can’t Be Friends with Those Who Disagree with You

This lie has become pervasive in our current polarized culture. The enemy has convinced us that unity means we can’t disagree. As a result, people are more isolated and lonelier than ever.

The truth is that unity is about living in harmony with one another. Harmony happens when people sing different parts. When everyone sings their part together, there is beautiful music. We are all individuals with different personalities and opinions. We won’t agree on everything. That doesn’t mean we can’t love each other deeply and enjoy unity. Jesus warns us not to judge each other because of differing opinions. (Matthew 7:1). Instead, we are to love one another, even those with different perspectives.

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7. Your Home Is Your Private Castle

We spend a lot of money decorating our castles. We want our homes to be beautiful and a place that serves us well. There’s nothing wrong with decorating or making your home a restful or relaxing place. The problem comes with who owns your home. If God owns our homes, He has a plan for them that goes beyond serving ourselves.

The truth is your home belongs to God, and as such, it is to be a welcoming place. God has intended that we use our homes to invite others in, offer hospitality, and live out the gospel in tangible ways. Scripture instructs us that sew are to offer hospitality to one another without grumbling (1 Peter 4:9).

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8. You Should Never Be Alone

This is such a tricky lie of the enemy because to our human minds it might make sense. However, this lie keeps us from an intimate connection with God. As a result, many are terrified of ever being alone. But here’s the thing, you can’t avoid yourself. If you try to never to be alone, you won’t be a good friend to anyone.

The truth is the place where our healing of loneliness begins is in solitude with God. This is why Jesus invited, “Come with me, by yourselves, to a quiet place and get some rest” (Mark 6:31). In the place of solitude with God, we can attend to our own souls, recover from the frantic pace of our lives, and realign our priorities with God. Then, as we enter community, we bring our much healthier selves to relationships.

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9. The Church Exists to Entertain You

Here in the West this is a lie often believed. We want the church – whatever church we attend – to form communities to serve us. We feel if we can’t find close relationships at church it must be the church’s fault. When we don’t find the entertainment we desire, we skip off and simply join another church, hoping to be served more efficiently. As a result, the enemy has us right where he wants us, discontent and more miserable than ever.

The truth is the church exists to glorify God, edify believers and evangelize the world (Romans 15:6). No where does scripture tells us that the church exists to entertain you or form friendships for you. No matter what church you attend, you must take responsibility for forming relationships. That will involve taking initiative with people.

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10. No One Understands You and You Are Alone

This is the biggest lie of the enemy. He wants to torment you with thoughts that no one really understands you, and as a result, you are completely alone. 

The truth is scripture teaches us that we are never alone and that we have one who is the Wonderful Counselor who understands every need of our hearts (Hebrews 13:5, Isaiah 9:6). We have a God who continually bends down to hear the concerns of our hearts and we have the Holy Spirit who dwells with in us. As a result, you are never alone!

Friends, the enemy is only able to lie. He is tormenting many with his lies about community and, as a result, we are in an epidemic of loneliness and isolation. But, take heart! When you claim the truth of God’s Word over your mind and heart, you are able to defeat the enemy. Take charge of your thinking and begin meditating on all scripture teaches about living a deeply connected life. He wants you to cultivate deeper connections in this lonely world.

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