7 Questions to Ask Before You Leave a Church

1. Have I prayed through this decision?

This question serves as a crucial checkpoint, ensuring that the decision to depart is not made hastily or impulsively but with thoughtful consideration and spiritual discernment.

Asking this question prompts us to pause and reflect on whether we have sought God’s guidance and wisdom through prayer. It acknowledges the importance of seeking divine direction in significant life decisions, especially those that impact our spiritual journey and community involvement.

The spiritual family plays a central role in the Christian faith, and as we’ve committed to following God, it’s imperative to ask for his input and wisdom. Prayer serves as a means of communication with God and a source of guidance and clarity. We’re reminded of the importance of seeking God’s will and aligning our actions with his purposes by asking whether we have prayed through the decision to leave a church.

This prayer encourages us to examine your motives and intentions behind the decision to depart, prompting self-reflection and introspection. Praying through this decision allows us to evaluate whether the decision is driven by genuine discernment and conviction or by personal preferences or grievances.

Through prayer, we become humble before the throne of God, acknowledging we don’t have all the answers and need the Father’s guidance to navigate complex situations. God sees and knows things we don’t, so you are wise to ask his guidance. Through seeking God’s wisdom, we demonstrate our dependence upon his sovereignty.

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2. Is God telling me to leave this church?

Now, in prayer, we ask, “Is God telling me to leave this church?” This becomes a pivotal point of reflection, urging us to seek divine guidance.

Jesus said he only did what he saw the Father do (John 5:19). Jesus modeled the constant communication and reliance upon the Father. He submitted his will unto God as an example for us. We’ve been given the Holy Spirit, who Jesus promises will lead us into all truth. God is actively involved in his followers’ lives and desires to lead them in paths of truth. He cares about every decision, especially when we gather with other believers.

Many act as if joining or leaving a church is simply a pro and con argument of what we like or dislike. But this is a consumeristic mindset; what we feel is best for us may not reflect God’s desire. He desires the best.

Knowing his will in the situation requires listening attentively to the Holy Spirit’s promptings and discerning his voice among the complexities. It encourages us to cultivate a posture of openness and receptivity to God’s guidance, trusting his wisdom. Other voices berate our minds, as well—the world, media, and our desires. We must discipline our spiritual sense and discernment to filter out other voices to focus on God.

When we ask for wisdom, God is faithful and generous with his children (James 1:5).

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3. Is God calling me somewhere else?

God rarely, if ever, calls us away from any fellowship with the saints. We believe a lie if we think, “It’s just me and God.” The Scripture clearly states that different members of the Body of Christ, disciples of Jesus, can’t say they don’t need one another (1 Corinthians 12:15-26). If God calls us away from one local church, he also calls us somewhere else.

Therefore, in prayer, we ask, “Is God calling me to serve and fellowship somewhere else?”

First, asking this question affirms our need to be in a community of disciples who will share with us, teach us, and hold us accountable. Being humble, we recognize our need for the Body of Christ. Also, by asking this question, we acknowledge the importance of aligning our service and vocation with God’s purposes and leading. God has a specific plan, calling for each person, and desires to direct our steps for eternal impact.

God has given us a spiritual gift, a supernatural ability to bless others in some way from the Holy Spirit. We weren’t given those gifts to sit alone at home but to be among other believers for their improvement, just as they possess their gifts to enlighten us.

Asking this question prepares our hearts for service to God and others instead of focusing on our desires.

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4. Have I sought counsel with trusted Christian friends?

Speaking of the Body of Christ, it’s time to bring other believers into the process.

If we’ve come to the point where we believe, “Yes, God is calling me to leave this church,” and also, “God is calling me to another place to serve and have community,” then we can now ask, “Have I sought counsel with trusted Christian friends?”

We should choose a few trusted Christian friends who we know are for us and have spiritual discernment. Bring this decision before these friends and ask for their wisdom and guidance. In many counselors, there is safety (Proverbs 11:14). Others have the Holy Spirit, but they also have experiences we don’t. Other men and women’s perspectives can save us plenty of trouble.

To do this, we first seek the Holy Spirit for guidance in who these people might be. He helps in all things. Next, we must be willing to take the time to seek counsel. Often, we desire to make a decision quickly, hurrying through life, but patience is part of the fruit of the Spirit. We can hold off the decision until we know it’s right, especially something this important.

Once intentionally asking others for their spiritual input, we must listen and consider their comments. We aren’t obligated to do exactly what they say, but we should listen openly for anything we might have missed.

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5. Am I running from conflict or offense?

Other born-again believers cause conflict or act selfishly. And we are one, too.

After consulting with the Holy Spirit and trusted saints, we now ask, “Am I running from conflict or an offense?” This question prompts us to examine our motives behind the desire to depart.

Asking this question urges us to confront unresolved conflicts or offenses that may influence our decision to leave. When there is conflict, we naturally want to avoid confrontation, so we must examine our hearts to see if our decision is driven by a desire to avoid discomfort.

This requires us to confront our fears and vulnerabilities surrounding a possible offense. This might come up in prayer or when seeking counsel from trusted Christian friends; if so, we should look at it honestly. It could be possible that when we seek the Holy Spirit, we’ve been the one to cause conflict or an offense.

Either way, our first responsibility is approaching brothers and sisters for reconciliation (Matthew 5:23-24). Just as we had to be intentional and take the time with personal counsel, we must also be patient and willing to have potentially difficult conversations. We may be called to another church, but God still cares about our relationships, unity, and love for the saints, no matter where they are. We must take courage and address any issues before we leave.

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6. Have I spoken with leadership before I leave?

All too often, people leave a church without speaking with pastors or congregation leaders. Once we’ve honestly examined our hearts to ensure we carry no offense against others, nor they to us, we ask, “Have I spoken with church leadership before I leave?” This is a crucial step in the departure process.

Pastors and spiritual leaders in the church have been shepherds, men and women with some level of spiritual responsibility over us. They have wrestled with God over sermons and materials for our edification, prayed for us, and struggled through enemy attacks as teachers and leaders.

The first and most practical reason we meet with leaders is for clear communication. If we leave without this discussion, the pastor or others in the church have no idea. Their own flesh or the enemy or gossip can sway their ideas of why we left the church. Sitting down with the pastors lets us clearly see how their leadership has blessed us. Since we’ve gone through the previous steps, we have confidence in God’s leadership in our decisions.

The pastor then has the opportunity to pray for us and bless us in return. Different churches and ministries aren’t enemies or in competition with each other. If God calls us elsewhere, the spiritual leader can send us instead of watching us leave and wondering why.

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7. How will I leave a blessing for the church?

Christians need to learn how to leave well. With our consumeristic culture, as I mentioned previously, we move from job to job or church to church without taking the prime opportunity to bless others as we leave.

Leaving is hard. As someone who has been involved in ministries and been a missionary to Korea, I get it. Leaving brings up emotions we’d rather not deal with, like grief, and we begin to check out within our current context, looking ahead to the new, exciting thing. But we’re not gone yet, and we can be present and engaged right until the moment of change, all in the Holy Spirit’s power and grace.

Having asked all the previous questions, we now ask, “How will I leave a blessing for the church?”

Hopefully, we’ve sacrificed for the church, with our service and with our finances. They have done the same in some ways. This isn’t transactional, however. These people have been family to us and with us. To be an example of Christ, we seek ways to bless the church and people as we go. We could give special gifts or write notes of encouragement to people who have impacted our lives. These moments encourage and affirm our calling, as people generally respond with similar sentiments.

Once we’ve gone through these seven questions with a pure, humble heart, we can leave the church and move on to our next season with confidence and peace. We have kept conversations and relationships open, settled conflicts, reconciled offenses, and left with generosity and blessing.

Beyond the reasons I’ve mentioned, one more exists. With this pure, free heart, God gives us favor and blessings in the next season. We move into the new ministry with boldness, humility, and vulnerability, knowing God cares for us and will always take care of us.

Peace.

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