6 Questions You Are Not Obligated to Answer This Thanksgiving

1. Have You Lost/Gained Weight?

This is an infamous question that most of us have heard at one point in our lives, especially if you are female. Whether a person has lost or gained weight for recovery, healing, or anything else, there is no reason we have to answer this question. Similar to many people who have gone through anorexia recovery, I had to gain weight in order to heal. Sadly, I have never heard the last about my weight gain or how I “looked so much better before.” This is a deep cut, and sometimes, it has sent me back into restrictive behaviors. 

Therefore, if someone asks you if you have lost or gained weight, you don't have to answer. You can use this opportunity to educate them on eating disorders and the danger of diet talk. 

Some adults are more prone to be rooted in diet culture and it can be hard for them to not think in a way that weighing less is “better.” Try to do your best to share with them that health is of every size, and just because someone is thin does not mean they are healthy. In the same way, just because someone is larger doesn't mean they are unhealthy. Establish boundaries and choose to remove yourself from any situations that are uncomfortable.

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2. Why Don't You Have a Spouse Yet?

For many singles, Thanksgiving is a dreaded holiday because someone will ask us why we are not dating someone or why we are not married yet. This can feel like someone pouring salt in our wound, especially if we really want to find the one. If you are someone who is single and a family member asks you, “Why don’t you have a spouse yet?” you are not obligated to answer. You can change the conversation or, as before, you can educate them.

Telling them that their question is offensive will give them a good idea of how hurtful their words are to you. In truth, it is none of their business to know about your relationships. You can keep that private and introduce someone when the time is right. Until then, family members have no right to ask you questions that cause you to feel even less hopeful for the future. Whenever someone offends you with this question, try to remember it comes from their own insecurities.

Maybe they are not married either, and this has always been a regret for them. Or maybe they went through a divorce, and they have grown a bit bitter. Try to remember that the problem is them, not you. Focus on having a great Thanksgiving and celebrate with the family members who make you feel good about yourself.

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3. Why Haven't You Had Kids Yet?

If you are married, then you will be faced with the question, “Why haven’t you had kids yet?” This can be an irritating and even harmful question. Some people decide to not have kids until they are older because they want to work on their marriage or their career. If this is true, know that there is nothing wrong with not having children yet. Moreover, if you and your spouse don’t want to have children in general, then it is not a bad thing either.

Sadly, many people within Christian culture believe the entire purpose of women is to be married and to have children. This is not true, as women have many more purposes in their lives. If a woman is married and has children, that is great, but if she is only married and has no children, that is great, too. Even if a woman is unmarried and has no children, that is great, too. Yet again, it is nobody’s business to know whether you are going to have children or not.

Additionally, this question can be harmful because you might not be able to have children, or you may be struggling with infertility. If this is true, know that the people who ask questions like this tend to be insensitive. Don’t take it to heart, but also know that you can retreat back to your spouse and leave the Thanksgiving event if needed. Not being able to have children when you really want children is a terrible feeling. Preserve your well-being and choose to distance yourself from anyone who wants to ask hurtful questions or make mean comments.

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4. Are You Still at the Same Job?

The dreaded question of, “Are you still at the same job?,” is something I hear all too often. Yes, I’m still at the same job, and I enjoy it. I have added the “I enjoy it” aspect because I’ve noticed it quickly changes the person’s attitude. As someone who is an independent contractor, it can be hard to make ends meet, and many people have questioned my career decisions. However, in truth, yet again, it is none of their business.

In the same way, it is not your responsibility to tell your family about your job or why you are still at your job if you don’t want to. Just say you enjoy your job, and that will end the conversation. Maybe asking why they asked can even cause them to back down from making any other unnecessary comments. It is a sad reality that family members can set us up to make us feel bad, but we need to be aware of these individuals ahead of time and not repay evil with evil (1 Peter 3:9).

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5. Are You Making More Money Than Last Year?

Related to the financial field, we also can be posed with the question, “Are you making more money than last year?” This is another question we are often asked, especially if we are independent contractors or self-employed. As one can imagine, this question is extremely embarrassing to be asked as it already promotes the idea we are not making much money. This is hurtful and can cause us to feel bad about ourselves.

If someone asks us this question, we can politely say, “It is not your business to know how much money I make,” and end it there. There is absolutely no reason someone should ask you this question, and there is no reason you have to answer it. If people want to be busybodies and try to cause problems, then that is their problem. You have no obligation to answer their rude questions or provide them with an answer as to why you won’t be answering their question anytime in the future.

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6. Why Have You Moved Back in With Your Parents?

Due to the increased cost of the world, many young adults are moving back in with their parents. While many people see this as being in bad taste, it is not. Sometimes, this is the only thing young adults can do. The cost of living has skyrocketed, and most workers are underpaid. It is hard to balance finances on your own as well as the responsibilities that come with it, especially if you are struggling with mental health or physical health issues.

Living at home with your parents can actually be a smart move for many people as it can give them the opportunity to save up while they are living at home. True, it is not good if an adult child moves back in with their parents indefinitely, but there is nothing wrong if an adult child moves back in with their parents because of financial struggles or falling on hard times. As long as their parents are okay with it, then there is no reason to be ashamed.

If someone asks you this question on Thanksgiving, you don’t have to answer. If you want to, you can educate them on how expensive the housing market is and compare it with how little most companies are paying workers. However, don’t feel obligated to get into the finer details because it could just cause more unwanted questions from a difficult family member. 

Choose to have a wonderful Thanksgiving regardless of the questions you are asked. Remember the truth that just because someone asks you a question does not mean you have to answer it. This will help preserve your peace and ensure you have a great Thanksgiving.

Related Resource: A Prayer for When You’re Asked Hard Questions During the Holidays

Thanksgiving and Christmas are possibly the only times when every family member can come together and finally catch up. Although this can be a joyous time seeing on another, there might be some questions that can go too far. - Molly Law

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