3 Reasons it's a Great Idea to Ask Newlyweds for Marriage Advice

1. Newlyweds Still Have Their Hopes and Dreams about What Marriage Is Like

Not everyone has dreamed about what marriage would be like one day, but many of us have. We've watched the Disney Princesses find their prince, talked to our friends about the cute boy/girl in our math class, and watched the RomComs that always end with a beautiful, expensive wedding.

And then, we've filled in the gaps of what "happily ever after" looks like, even though the media we've consumed conveniently leaves that out: cuddles on the couch, cooking delicious meals together, dancing in the living room. Long prayer walks. Marriage is one big adventure with your best friend by your side. Finally, feeling whole. And never fighting, complaining, or being too tired for intimacy.

Although these dreams are unrealistic to some extent, these dreams resonate with us on such a deep level because God instilled in us the intrinsic, desperate need to be loved. And these hopes and dreams about what marriage would be like are very fresh in newlyweds' minds.

The parts of life that do feel like a dream come true are still exciting and new. We still feel so grateful that we get to wake up next to our spouse and always have someone we love to come home to. It still hits us sometimes–that wonderful, profound realization that "We're married! Forever!"

We haven't let these sweet truths get lost in the mundanity of life. This means our standards are still extremely high–which can be a good thing! There is danger in letting our hearts become numb to what we hoped marriage would be like.

John Eldredge, coauthor of the book Love and War: Finding the Marriage You've Dreamed Of with his wife Stasi, says this about recovering this desire in a podcast episode:

"What is it that you wanted? What is it that you want now? What did you dream of? Recovering desire for your marriage feels crucial to overcome the resignation, the settling, 'I guess this is as good as it's going to get,' 'I'll settle for detente.' 'I'll settle for a peace accord.' Versus' No, I want to recover desire, so that desire can propel us through something hard to something rich.'"

Stasi agrees, "...When you say yes, remember what you desired and risk desiring again, it turns your heart back to your spouse. It awakens hope again."

Just being around newlyweds and asking what they hope for in their marriage will soften your heart and inspire you to dream for your own marriage again.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/YakobchukOlena

2. Newlyweds Still Hold to Their Convictions about a Godly Marriage

Chances are, newlyweds still remember their marriage counseling or whatever prep work they did before marriage. The lessons they learned in preparation for marriage are still loud in their minds: like always communicate, don't let Satan get a foothold, consider your spouse, resolve fights quickly, etc.

And therefore, it would be wise to get a newly married couple's perspective on your marriage. Chances are that you have developed blind spots in your marriage over time – spots that a newlywed will see instantly.

There is no shame in this–that is just life. In the drudgery of folding laundry, commuting to work, and spending all your energy keeping your head above water, it's perfectly natural for you to slowly compromise in your marriage.

Maybe at the beginning of your marriage, you held the conviction to never go to bed angry. But now, you're just so tired. You can talk about it tomorrow (or the next day, or the next day, or never is fine too.) You'll just let it slide.

Or maybe at the beginning of your marriage, you were extremely careful to keep your tone civil and kind during disagreements. But hey, the kids are always yelling, so you start to, too.

A newlywed couple could easily point these things out to you gently and respectfully. You may know what you need to work on already, but anyone can benefit from the perspective of a trusted newlywed couple on the weak spots in your marriage. You just have to have the humility to ask!

3. Newlyweds Have the Humility to Know There's So Much Room to Grow

Because we don't have years and years of being married under our belt, we're much less likely to believe we have it all figured out.

It is still perfectly acceptable for our spouse to gently point out, "Babe, that wasn't very considerate of you," or "Please communicate that earlier next time."

But when you've been married for years and years, it can be harder to correct your spouse because you're so set in your ways. It can feel vulnerable to point out something that has been bugging you for years because they could turn it around on you right back!

But newlyweds can show you an example of humility and softness towards correction. And, since they know they have so much to learn, they'll be much more joyful to share your wisdom with, too.

You can reap the benefits of spending time with a newly married couple you respect because, truthfully, it doesn't matter how long you've been married–we all have so much room to grow when it comes to loving our spouse like Jesus loves his church. Their humility will be a refreshment to you, and it can soften things that have been blocking joy in your marriage, too.

So, encourage a young couple you know by taking them out to dinner and picking their brains. They'll feel honored to give you their wisdom, and you'll regain a fresh and exciting view of your marriage. It will breathe life into both of you and have ripple effects across your whole community!