5 Things Christians Say That Don’t Help Anyone

1. “Everything happens for a reason.”

Chances are you have said this because I have caught myself saying this, too, but why? For whatever reason, we only say this after there is some kind of negative or tragic event that happens in someone’s life. Have you ever heard someone say this after something good happens? I certainly can’t. Most of the time, it is a reactionary statement, and while these words may be true, the timing when we say them is usually bad. If you just lost a job or maybe a relationship just ended, someone coming to you and saying everything happens for a reason is not very comforting. Those words really don’t help anyone.

There are many things that happen and will continue to happen throughout your life. While they may happen for a reason, often, we never discover what that reason is. Sometimes, you can spend your time looking for why something happened, and if you never find the answer, you can end up more frustrated or discouraged. The simple reality is we won't find answers to some questions in this lifetime. Honestly, my suspicion is when you get to the other side, and you are in the presence of Jesus, the answer may you think you want may not matter as much.

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2. “Time heals all wounds.”

This is a statement that sounds good on the surface. However, there is one thing about this statement that you cannot overlook. It is simply not true. Time can heal physical wounds. The human body has an incredible capacity to heal itself. If you get cut, you can stop the bleeding, cover it with a bandage, and the healing process begins. There may eventually be some scabbing and then, after a length of time, your body heals. That may work for your physical body, but your emotions are far different. Typically, when we are wounded emotionally, time does not heal that wound. If someone hurts you, there can be long periods of time that go by, but that does not mean you are healing.

When we experience hurt, we may suppress our hurts and pains and simply bury them. That works as long as nothing happens that dredges up those past experiences. However, if you walk into the wrong situation or someone says the wrong thing, then the wounds open up all over again. Sometimes, it feels as if what happened before has just happened all over again. This is evidence that time has done nothing but counted time.

When someone has been hurt or they are hurting, please don’t tell them time heals all wounds because it doesn’t. I know this from personal experience and time didn’t help me heal at all. If there is any healing that is going to happen, it will not start with time. It will begin with forgiveness, because that will lay the foundation for healing.

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3. “It doesn’t matter, only Jesus matters.”

There are reasons statements like this one especially aren’t very helpful. One is there is a level of insensitivity that is baked into these words. Is it true that Jesus matters more than anything else? The answer to that question is yes. But does that also mean your situation does not matter and Jesus is the only thing that matters? That answer is a resounding no. When someone says this, they are simply ignoring the reality of the situation a person may be experiencing. There are things in life that are painful and there are things we care about in this life that actually do matter. It is foolish to think otherwise, and we can deny what is happening in our lives when we do.

While it is true Jesus matters, what Jesus wants is to be invited into the areas of our lives that matter to us. When he comes in, he may bring healing, correction, rebuke, encouragement, or whatever you need, but he won’t dismiss your situation. It is simpler to say it like this, because you matter to Jesus, then what you go through matters to him as well.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” - Matthew 11:28-30

Those sound like the words of someone who recognizes that what you are enduring in life matters.

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4. “God needed another angel.”

These words are often spoken when there is a loss of someone you love. I would argue again that the person saying this has good intentions, but they just don’t get the gravity of why these words don’t help. Telling someone God needed another angel does not bring comfort to the pain they are experiencing at that moment. A very close friend of mine lost two of his children within a year of each other. I know for a fact the last thing he was thinking when they died was God needed another angel.

Aside from that, when you look at this theologically, it is wrong anyway. When we die in Christ, we don’t become angels. God has all the angels he will ever need. When we are in Christ, we are his sons and daughters, and we are partakers of eternal life. Our position is higher than the angels because we have been redeemed and are called the children of God. I am not trying to beat people up who use this term. All I want is for you to recognize it is not helping and maybe, rather than saying this, either say something else or realize that you may not have to say anything at all.

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5. “You're in my thoughts and prayers.”

The reason this is not very helpful is that most of the people who say it don’t mean it. For example, over the last two decades in our country, there have been many tragic incidents where dozens of people have gotten killed in mass shootings. You turn on the television, and the politicians would say my thoughts and prayers are with those families. Maybe I am wrong here, but those words always feel so empty to me.

When people are in trying and difficult situations, they need people to pray for them, but sometimes they need more than that. They need people to take action to help them. Notice what 1 John says.

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. - 1 John 3:16-18

What John is saying here is that if you have the means to help someone and all you offer are thoughts and prayers, then your thoughts and prayers mean little. When God’s love is flowing through you, it compels you to do more than just offer thoughts and prayers. I often wonder what thoughts are you thinking towards that person who is going through that difficult situation, anyway?

There is something interesting you will notice in the Bible. Whenever Jesus saw someone and had compassion on them, he always followed it up by helping or changing their situation.

• Jesus had compassion on the crowd because they were like sheep without a shepherd, so he taught them.
• Jesus was teaching a crowd, and he realized they were hungry. He had compassion on them, and he fed them.
• Many people were brought to Jesus who were sick and he had compassion on them and healed them.

In each situation, his compassion did not lead him to offer thoughts and prayers. It led him to do something about their situation because he could. That’s why offering thoughts and prayers may seem like a nice and comforting thing to say, however, if you can do something about their situation, that is far better and more in alignment with how Jesus would respond.

Final thought.

I hope you understand the point of this article. Your words have power and meaning, and let’s use them wisely and, when possible, back up your words with actions. There is a good possibility your actions will probably help people more than anything you could ever say.

Related Resource: How to Encourage Your Discouraged Spouse

We all feel discouraged sometimes. But what about when our spouse feels beaten down or weary? On this episode of Team Us, we share some practical ways you can encourage your discouraged spouse. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to Team Us on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.

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