7 Things to Do When You Can’t Fix a Relationship

1. Pray for Guidance

Praying for guidance and wisdom is crucial when we can’t fix a relationship. During relational struggles, we often have many questions; prayer helps us receive divine intervention and clarity. Prayer also gives us a moment to reflect, gain insight, and find peace, even when the situation seems irreparable.

The Bible highlights how important prayer is to getting guidance. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” By praying for guidance, you invite God’s perspective into your circumstances, which can illuminate new paths and new solutions you hadn’t considered.

Additionally, prayer helps cultivate a humble, open heart. Since you’re close to the situation, we may not see your part in the relational rift. Engaging with the Most High God humbles your heart and leads you to all truth, as Jesus promised through the Spirit (John 16:13). The promise is all truth, not some. Your humility and clarity about the situation will give you further strength. “But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.” (James 4:6).

In relationship turmoil, praying for personal guidance and wisdom can provide the strength and clarity to navigate the complexities. It fosters a deeper reliance on God’s wisdom, leading to greater peace and understanding in handling the situation.

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2. Pray for Healing

If a relationship is broken, then one or both parties have likely been wounded. You may not communicate regularly with the other person, but you can still pray for healing—for yourself and the other. Focusing on mutual healing fosters compassion, understanding, and peace for both parties. It is an act of love and humility, acknowledging that while reconciliation may not be possible, well-being and emotional healing still matter.

The Bible encourages us to pray for others, especially in hard times. James 5:16 states, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” The verse reveals how key intercessory prayer is to the healing process. By praying for the other person, you extend grace and seek God’s intervention in their life and your own.

Healing prayers ask God to mend the emotional and spiritual wounds caused by a broken relationship. We can seek wholeness and peace regardless of the relationship's future. Through prayer, you can find peace that surpasses human understanding, which is crucial when relationships experience strife.

Praying for healing acknowledges the pain and seeks God’s comfort and restoration. By prioritizing healing, you can release unresolved conflict and embrace a future filled with hope and renewed strength.

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3. Forgive

All Christians are called to forgive, and you should seek to forgive the other person and pray they forgive you. Forgiveness involves humbling yourself, acknowledging any wrongs you may have committed, and genuinely asking for pardon. This act could bring closure and peace, even if the relationship cannot be restored to its former state.

The Bible emphasizes forgiveness is vital to spiritual and emotional health. Jesus teaches, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15). Forgiveness not only mends relationships but maintains our relationship with God.

Seeking forgiveness can lead to healing for both parties. It allows the person who has been wronged to release feelings of hurt and resentment, paving the way for emotional freedom. For the one seeking forgiveness, it is a repentant act and a step towards personal growth and spiritual maturity.

By seeking forgiveness, you demonstrate a willingness to make amends and a desire to heal past wounds. While it may not always lead to reconciliation, it can bring peace to your heart and align your actions with God’s teachings.

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4. Seek Counsel

You may need to get others involved when you can't fix a relationship. Seeking counsel from mentors, pastors, or counselors can provide valuable guidance and support. These individuals bring experience, wisdom, and an objective perspective that can help you navigate relationships and make sound decisions.

Proverbs 11:14 states, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” Multiple perspectives show that decisions should be well-informed. Engaging with mentors or spiritual leaders allows you to gain insights you might not have considered, helping you approach the situation with greater clarity and understanding.

Pastors and mentors likely know you well and can offer a more objective view. They can provide spiritual guidance and bring biblical principles applicable to your situation to mind. Their experience in dealing with similar issues can offer practical advice and encouragement. They may have new solutions and ideas you haven’t considered before.

Counselors, particularly those trained in relationship dynamics, can help you understand the underlying issues and emotional responses. They can equip you with strategies to cope with the pain and to communicate more effectively, even if reconciliation isn’t possible.

Seeking counsel allows you to humbly draw from others’ strength and wisdom, fostering growth and healing.

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5. Focus on Self-Improvement

While praying and working toward reconciliation, you can focus on self-growth. It could be exercise, it could be therapy, anything that helps you become emotionally or spiritually healthier. Investing in yourself empowers you to devote energy to more constructive pursuits than wallowing in shame.

The Bible encourages personal growth and pursuing excellence. 2 Peter 3:18 states, “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen.” Focusing on growing in faith and understanding honors God’s desire for you to develop spiritually and personally.

Investing in self-growth involves reflecting on your behavior and attitudes. It requires acknowledging areas to improve and proactively making changes. Philippians 3:13-14 provides guidance: “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Like the apostle Paul, you can release past failures but positively learn from them.

Focusing on self-growth doesn’t mean you ignore the pain; rather, it’s about using the experience as a catalyst for positive change. Self-improvement can take many forms, including developing new skills, engaging in regular physical activity, pursuing education, and deepening spiritual practices.

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6. Maintain Healthy Boundaries

Reconciliation must be based on truth, not a lie, and your desire to fix a relationship shouldn’t cause you to compromise healthy boundaries, allowing the other to continue to abuse you. Healthy boundaries protect your emotional well-being and prevent further harm to you or others. They ensure interactions remain respectful and that your needs and values are honored. Just as you can’t force another to reconcile, they shouldn’t force you to participate in an unhealthy relationship.

The Bible supports maintaining boundaries. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” By setting boundaries, you guard your heart against further emotional distress and ensure that your actions align with your values.

Establishing and maintaining boundaries involves recognizing and communicating your limits. It’s important to understand what behaviors you will and will not accept and to stand firm in these decisions. Ephesians 4:15 advises, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” The apostle Paul encourages honest and loving communication, essential for setting and maintaining boundaries.

Reconciliation should not come at the expense of your health or values. Compromising boundaries to restore a relationship can lead to further issues, reinforcing unhealthy dynamics. Prioritize your well-being and respect yourself enough to enforce healthy limits. When you make that choice, the resulting reconciliation will be loving and kind, benefiting both parties.

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7. Trust God’s Plan

The story isn’t over just because a person isn’t willing to reconcile. Things may change over time. Trusting God’s timing provides comfort, hope, and strength to continue praying and waiting. You can then surrender your efforts and frustrations to God, believing he has a greater purpose and perfect timing for everything in your life.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” God’s intentions are always for our good, even when we face relational challenges. Trusting in his plan means believing he is working behind the scenes and orchestrating events for your benefit.

Surrendering control and trusting God’s timing can be difficult, especially when you desire immediate resolution. Proverbs 3:5-6 provides guidance: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” These verses encourage you to rely on God’s wisdom rather than your own, assuring that he will guide you to the best outcome, providing you with needed perseverance.

You demonstrate faith in His sovereignty by trusting God’s plan and timing. This offers peace amidst uncertainty, knowing God is in control and will lead you towards His perfect purpose.

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