5 Qualities to Look for in Female Friendships

1. Look for People Who Will Show Up

The friends that are like family in my life now are women who have chosen to show up for me over and over again. Maybe we didn't entirely mesh the first time we met, but after choosing to share our lives together through thick and thin, we have grown close. When I started working part-time after having my second son, I felt like a fish out of water without the routine of work and co-workers to converse with over the course of the day. I immediately knew I needed other moms to help me through this new crazy season. During the first week of maternity leave, I showed up at my church's Mom's group and then proceeded to email the entire group, basically begging someone to meet up with me later in the week. I needed them, and it turns out they needed me too.

None of those friends are moms of littles anymore, but many of the women that showed up for me then are people I love dearly now. We kept evolving and found new ways to invest in our friendship as our daily schedules morphed when our children hit a new milestone. Sometimes it's been tough and taken a big dose of grace to stay present in each other's lives, but we haven't given up. We are still showing up almost a decade later.

2. Look for Friends That You Share Common Values

For the people that are going to be in that inner circle, it's so helpful to have a shared set of values. That doesn't mean you have to agree on everything, but it does mean that you have things you both stand on that can ground you as your relationship changes and grows. This could be a shared faith, family values, commitment to loyalty, a willingness to be honest, a shared life stage or experience, and more!

You can love many people whose lives differ greatly from your own. You can serve them, spend time with them, and genuinely build strong friendships. But for the people you will "do life" with and trust with your greatest needs, common values help keep you on a firm foundation as friends. You need to be able to trust that their input is going to push you into seeing the good and beautiful that is all around you rather than stir up strife in your heart and mind.

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3. Find Those Who Value Wisdom

James 3:17 says, "But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere." Wisdom is gentle, peaceable, reasonable, merciful, impartial, sincere, and produces good fruit. All of that sounds like a great place to start a long-lasting friendship.

If your friends are seeking wisdom, they can bring that good gift of God's way into your life. We often have to rely on the wisdom of others when our own paths feel unclear. Surrounding yourself with women who are smart and wise sets you up for success when you need others to help you see the way forward.

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4. Look for Loving Women

Proverbs 17:17 states, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." If you have young kids, you know this to be true. Siblings love to fight, even though they do love each other. But our friendship should be marked by love. There should be more harmony than strife in your relationships.

Seek out women whose lives are marked by a loving spirit. Those you see going out of their way to encourage, serve, and care for their families and communities. If there is loving fruit coming out of their life, then you know God's love is actively at work in their lives. You can trust a friend who knows how to let the love of God pour out of them. They will approach you with that same loving heart. Christ's love in us creates a powerful bond he uses for his glory.

5. Find Those Committed to Righteous Living

Proverbs 12:26 says, "One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray." We are so easily led astray! We are fickle creatures, easily following whatever is placed in front of us. Our friendships have the power to lead us toward righteous living. These people are there to help hold us accountable for our actions. They encourage us to live in right standing with the Lord and our communities. They point us toward the narrow way when we start getting weary and feeling alone.

The wicked, though, have other plans. They do not care about right living but are really most interested in serving themselves before others. The wicked will entice you away from holiness and not think twice about the consequences of such a choice. Be wise about who you allow to have influence in your life. You are the sum of your five closest friends. They matter so much, so be sure to guard your heart.

Ultimately we are called to love everyone we come in contact with because they are created in God's image. Every person has value and deserves your kindness and consideration. When it comes to our closest friendships, we do need to be careful. We want to be sure that we are choosing those who will help us live by the fruits of the spirit. They should inspire joy and kindness in us. Encourage us when we get discouraged. They should show up when we are in need. They should always help us see God a little more clearly just by watching how they live their ordinary yet holy lives.

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