5 Things to Say to Someone Who Has Been Wounded by the Church

Healing from church wounds is a journey rather than a quick fix. Some wounds take longer to heal than others, and that’s okay. It’s natural for people who the church has hurt to wrestle with feelings of betrayal, anger, sadness, or even numbness. God doesn’t rush their healing; he walks them through it for however long it takes with the best timing. 

Lamentations 3:22-23 declares: “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” 

Since God’s mercy is fresh every day and God’s faithfulness is constant, God gives people the grace to heal one step at a time. Some people mistakenly believe that moving forward requires forgetting the past, but true healing comes from allowing God to work through their pain. 

Psalm 147:3 promises about God: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” 

This verse describes God as a gentle and patient healer. You can encourage the wounded people you know to be patient with their healing process. Even Jesus had the scars of his resurrection afterward (John 20:27). Jesus’ wounds were healed, but the marks remained. They were important reminders of what Jesus endured and overcame. You can encourage the wounded people. You know that their scars can become testimonies of God’s power at work. 

Finally, remember that healing involves more than just moving past pain. The healing process is a significant opportunity to grow closer to God. As they take each step forward, they can become more aware of God’s presence with them. Isaiah 40:31 encourages them to rely on God’s strength along the way: “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.”

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One of the biggest misconceptions about forgiveness people may struggle with is that it requires allowing the people who hurt them to remain in their lives the same way they were before. But biblical forgiveness doesn’t involve subjecting themselves to continued harm. Let them know it’s okay to set boundaries to protect their heart, mind, and spiritual well-being. 

Proverbs 4:23 urges: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” 

Please encourage them to create a healthy space where healing can take place. Jesus modeled the importance of boundaries. He loved everyone but didn’t trust those with harmful intentions. 

John 2:24-25 reveals: “But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people. He didn’t need any testimony about humankind, for he knew what was in each person.” 

Some church leaders or members might pressure wounded people to reconcile quickly and make them feel guilty for distancing themselves from an unhealthy environment. But true reconciliation requires repentance and change – not just apologies. 

In Luke 17:3, Jesus says: “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.” 

So that you know, Jesus includes rebuke and repentance as part of the process. He doesn’t say that people must restore a relationship that remains toxic, manipulative, or harmful. Setting boundaries may look different for each situation. Some people may need to leave a specific church or leadership role. Some may need to limit contact with particular people who have harmed them. 

The apostle Paul recognized that walking away from unhealthy relationships was necessary. In 2 Timothy 4:14-15, he warns Timothy about a harmful person: “Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he has done. You, too, should be on your guard against him because he strongly opposed our message.” Paul didn’t seek revenge, but he took precautions and advised others to do the same. 

If wounded people feel guilty about setting boundaries, you can remind them that their well-being matters to God. He doesn’t call them to endure continuous mistreatment in the name of “grace.” Instead, God wants them to experience peace. Isaiah 26:3 says: “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in you.” They should pray for the wisdom to make the best decisions about setting boundaries and trust that God will guide them as they set the boundaries necessary for their healing.

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When church members or leaders have hurt people, it’s easy for them to associate those failures with God himself. They may think: “If these people claim to follow Jesus and act this way, then maybe God is like this too.” That’s a painful and understandable reaction. But the truth is Jesus is not the same as the church. 

Although Jesus wants the church to reflect his love and truth, it is made up of flawed human beings, so it sometimes falls short in devastating ways. During his life on earth, Jesus spoke out against hypocrisy from religious leaders. Matthew chapter 23 describes Jesus confronting the Pharisees, calling them out for their legalism and abuse of power. Jesus says in verse 27: “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.” 

Jesus wasn’t afraid to expose corruption within religious leadership. He didn’t excuse their behavior, and he doesn’t excuse the harm done in his name today. If wounded people you know have been judged unfairly, manipulated, excluded, or betrayed by the church, they should know that Jesus remains pure and loving despite the church’s failures. Jesus is for people, not against them. 

Hebrews 13:8 declares: “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” 

While human leaders may fail, Jesus never does. Remembering that a church’s failures don’t change God’s goodness is essential. Numbers 23:19 points out: “God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” Even when people break trust, God remains faithful. Jesus’ love is perfect, even when his followers are not. If people you know have felt rejected, judged, or abandoned by the church, let them know that Romans 8:38-39 promises: “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” 

Remind them that their identity isn’t defined by how others have treated them but by what God says about them. God calls them his beloved children (1 John 3:1). God’s love remains constant, no matter how people in the church have behaved.

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When people experience church wounds, they commonly feel like God is silent or distant. When pain originates from those who claim to represent God, it can lead to confusion and doubt. They may wonder: “Does God even care about what happened to me?” or “Why didn’t God stop it?” These are valid questions, and many people ask them. The truth is that God deeply cares about their pain. He is not indifferent to injustice or suffering – especially when it happens in his name. 

Psalm 34:18 states: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” 

If they feel crushed by what they’ve been through, they can know that God draws close to them – not to condemn or dismiss them, but to comfort and restore them. Sometimes, well-meaning people in the church rush to tell them to “forgive and move on” or “just trust God’s plan.” While forgiveness and trust in God are essential, healing can’t be rushed. God gives people space to process their sadness. 

Lamentations 3:22-23 says: “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” 

God doesn’t expect wounded people to “get over it” – he gives them fresh compassion daily as they walk through their healing journeys. God also doesn’t tell them to “just have more faith.” Instead, God invites them to bring their raw, honest emotions to him. 

Psalm 62:8 encourages: “Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” 

Injustice, hypocrisy, and harm within the church grieve God’s heart even more than they grieve ours. Jesus himself was angered by religious leaders who misused their power. In Matthew 23, Jesus calls out the Pharisees for their hypocrisy, saying in verse 4: “They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they are not willing to lift a finger to move them.” If the wounded people you know have been burdened by legalism, manipulation, or spiritual abuse, Jesus stands with them. Jesus never wants us to be silent about evil. Whether they are still in the depths of sorrow or taking small steps toward healing, they should remember this: Their pain matters to God, and he is close to them.

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Even though it may not feel like it now for the wounded people you know, God can bring beauty out of their pain. God specializes in redemption. 

Romans 8:28 promises: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” 

God works for good in all things – even the painful, confusing, and unjust things people go through. As you talk with wounded people about redemption, you can pray with them for renewal and revival in their lives. God can take what was meant for evil and use it for good. 

Joseph's story in Genesis is one of the greatest biblical examples of this. After being betrayed by his own brothers, sold into slavery, and unjustly imprisoned, Joseph later looked back on his life. He says to God in Genesis 50:20: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” The same God who redeemed Joseph’s pain is at work in all wounded people’s stories. 

They can trust that God isn’t wasting their pain as they move forward. He can use their experience to deepen their faith, strengthen their compassion, and even work through them to help others who have been wounded. Their pain doesn’t have the final word – God does!

In conclusion, when people have been wounded by the church, their pain matters. God sees them, loves them, and is with them in their healing journey. Christians may fail, but Jesus never will. As wounded people process, grieve, and heal from the pain caused by the church, you can help point them to the hope God wants to give them. God is still writing their story; his grace will carry them through.

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