Top 5 Friendship Dos and Don'ts

Top 5 Friendship Dos and Don'ts

Most of us have had some really great friends as well as some not-so-great friends. There are friends who will be there when you need them the most; however, some of our “friends” don’t even remember our birthday. When we look at the friends in our life, we find a mixture of good things they have done and bad things they have done. In the same way, when we look at how we have treated our friends, we can also see ways we messed up or things we did that really helped our friends.

It is good to pay attention to these things and to take notes. By taking notes of these things, we will be able to learn the dos and don'ts of friendship. By having a working list of friendship dos and don'ts, we will be able to be a better friend to others as well as we will know the type of people who don’t make very good friends. Life is too short to be around people who don’t treat you well. As someone who has gone through many periods of fake friends, I can attest to how badly fake friends can make you feel.

Rather than building you up, they tear you down. I have had many “friends” to downplay my own struggles or happy times just to make things all about them. As an example, when I was going through a rough bout of depression, a “friend” started complaining about their own mental health, which only made me feel as though my struggle wasn’t important. In the same way, when I had a really great experience happen to me, a “friend” had to make the occasion all about them.

When we start reflecting on these things, we will begin to notice that many of the friendships that we have had were unhealthy and not true friendships. Moreover, it can help us realize the things that we may need to change in our own friendships. We need to ask ourselves, “Am I being a good friend?” By answering this question, it can help us to better improve our friendships with others.

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  • friends at a picnic

    1. Do Be Kind—Don’t Be Mean

    In our friendships, it is important to be kind and not to be mean. Kindness is something that should be an important part of a believer’s life (1 Corinthians 13:4). If a person does not show kindness in their actions with their friends, it is a red flag. This is not something to ignore because if a person is not kind even to their friends, they are not going to be afraid to be mean to strangers as well as to you. 

    As teens, it is easy to get involved with the popular crowd, but if we look at the popular crowd, most of them are all mean. While one cannot be dogmatic to say they are popular because they are mean and everybody is afraid of them, it is a high possibility. Nonetheless, in adult friendships, we also need to steer clear of mean people. Friends should not be mean—they should be nice.

    Mean people do not make good friends. They will pick on you and make fun of you. Sometimes, their meanness can be outright, and other times, it can be more subtle. I have had many “friends” who have been downright mean to me for no reason. From making fun of my clothes to making fun of the way I talk, I have faced much ridicule from mean people. 

    Real friends are not mean to you. If you have a “friend” who is mean to you, it is time to step away from the friendship. Additionally, it is important to pay attention to your own actions. Are you being mean to your friends? If you are, go to God and ask for His forgiveness. He will forgive you. It is also important to apologize to your friends and try to make things right with them.

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  • 2. Do Tell the Truth—Don’t Lie

    2. Do Tell the Truth—Don’t Lie

    The Bible condemns all forms of lying (Exodus 20:16; Colossians 3:9-10). Within friendships, a person needs to always be honest. There is no option to lie. Even if the person thinks they are protecting their friend from knowing something bad, it is important to tell the truth anyway. Lying is not good and will only lead to problems in the friendship.

    When we think of the problems of lying, we often think only of romantic relationships. However, lying can also impact friendships. Just as a lie can destroy a relationship between a husband and a wife, a lie can end a friendship. Once someone is lied to, it can be hard to trust the individual ever again. Sadly, many people who lie tend to lie over and over again without remorse.

    If you have a friend that tends to lie, it might be best to address the problem with them. Try not to be hostile or mean, but don’t act as though lying is okay. Hopefully if they are a Christian, they will be convicted of their lying, but if they are okay with their lying, it might be best to take some time away from the friendship. You deserve to have friends who are honest and tell the truth.

    These are the types of friends that you will be able to count on. Friends who lie might lie just to tell you what you want to hear. It is better to have an honest, kind, and caring friend who will be there for you in the highs and lows. Friends who lie will never be able to be there for you in the way that you need.

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  • happy friends smiling and laughing over coffee, be kind

    3. Do Treat All People the Same—Don’t Show Partiality

    When you are reflecting on the dos and don'ts of friendships, it is important to treat all people the same and not to show partiality. The Bible says, “My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism” (James 2:1). Favoritism and partiality are synonymous with each other; therefore, it is important to not treat some people better than others. This is a form of snobbery, which has no place in a believer’s life.

    This is true for all areas of our lives, including friendships. In your dealings with friends, don’t treat some friends as “better” than other friends. Sadly, this can happen with many friend groups. As someone who was a part of a friend group in the past, I can assure you that this happens all too often. I was never seen as an “important” person in the friend group, so I wasn’t included in things much, and I was always seen as an eyesore. 

    Now that I’m older, I can see that I had no place in that friend group. The people in the friend group didn’t care about me. I knew all about them, but they knew nothing about me. In a way, it was a very one-sided friendship, and at times, I felt like I was invisible at grout meetups. Rather than having a good time, I ended up crying as soon as I got home because I thought there was something wrong with me. As my sister used to tell me, the problem wasn’t me—it was them.

    If you want to be a good friend, treat all people the same. Don’t treat some friends as more special. This will only cause hurt feelings. Make the decision to treat people all the same and to show no partiality or snobbery in your friendships.

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  • 4. Do Listen—Don't Invalidate Feelings

    4. Do Listen—Don't Invalidate Feelings

    Friendships should also have the key aspect of listening. Unfortunately, many of our friends have a way of invalidating our feelings. Instead of listening to us, they make us feel bad about our feelings or question why we are feeling the way we are. Yet again, I am someone who struggles with depression and anxiety on a daily basis. It is not helpful when friends tell me to “cheer up” or to “calm down.”

    As one can imagine, these comments are ignorant. A person with depression cannot simply cheer up, nor can an anxious person calm down. Rather than invalidating other people’s feelings, it is important to listen to them, validate their feelings, and be caring. If you have ever made a friend feel as though their feelings are invalidated, try to apologize and ask how you can make things up to them.

    If they are not up to having a friendship again due to your actions, know that you have to accept their decision. Mistakes can cost us really wonderful friends, which is why we need to truly treat our friends well. If your friend is struggling, be caring and loving toward them. Take time to listen to them and try your best to understand their feelings. 

    If you can’t understand or relate to their feelings, know that is okay, too. In this case, just try your best to be a listening ear. Sometimes, just having someone there to listen and hear our feelings can help. However, what doesn’t help is when someone invalidates your feelings, pain, or struggles.

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  • sad man hugging another man as friends

    5. Be Sympathetic—Don’t Be Judgmental

    Being sympathetic rather than being judgmental is also a hallmark of friendships. Many people are judgmental in our lives, but our friends never should be. There is a difference between giving helpful feedback and being judgmental. As believers, we are told strictly not to judge (Matthew 7:1-3). If we are judgmental of our friends, they will slowly not want to be around us anymore.

    Our friends don’t need judgmental people in their lives. Rather, they need people to be sympathetic to them. Sympathy goes a long way in someone’s heart, and it can really help when someone is struggling. By practicing sympathy instead of judgment, we will be able to be true friends to the loved ones in our lives. When you are tempted to be judgmental, remember Jesus’ words in Matthew 7:1-3.

    Sympathy is a wonderful skill to develop in your life. Not everyone will be a natural at being sympathetic, but it can be learned. If you struggle with sympathy and empathy, try to start cultivating these things in your life. You will find that being sympathetic and empathetic in your friendships will help your friends be more open with you, more honest with you, and more trusting of you.  

    These are all great blessings that we can have in our own lives by choosing sympathy instead of judgment. When you are facing friends who are judgmental instead of sympathetic, try to talk with them about it and point them to Jesus’ words. If they don’t listen to Jesus’ words, take a step back and rethink the friendship. Choose to only have friends who follow Jesus and love Him. 

    Top five friendship dos and don'ts include: do be kind—don’t be mean, do tell the truth—don’t lie, do treat all people the same—don’t show partiality, do listen—don’t invalidate feelings, and do be sympathetic—don’t be judgmental.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Sarah Mason 

    Vivian Bricker author bio photoVivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master's degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.