8 Warning Signs of a Narcissistic Pastor

1. They Care More about Drawing People to Them than to Jesus

One red flag of a narcissistic pastor is they express more interest in drawing people to themselves than anything else. They will often make it appear that your growth is related to your connection to them. Rather than teaching you how to grow your relationship with Jesus independently, they teach you to depend on them for spiritual nourishment and food. Ask yourself how often your pastor encourages your relationship with Jesus. Do they always emphasize coming to church, or do they try to motivate you to build your walk with Jesus outside of their control? Do they tell you there is some special anointing or blessing at their church . . . and if you leave, then you are stepping outside that anointing?

While I am a fan of encouraging people to attend church, there is a difference between coming to church and being a disciple. A pastor doing their job correctly recognizes they are called to make disciples; going to church is just one element. A narcissistic pastor uses terms like “your covering” and implies that if you leave their church, you are walking out from under your covering. What they mean is that you will no longer be protected because you left their church. All this is fear and manipulation designed to keep you following them.

Photo Credit:©GettyImages/Khosrork

2. They Only Preach about Their Blessings

I went to hear a well-known preacher because I had seen him on television for years and wanted to hear him in person. I walked away thinking, “Those are two hours I will never get back.” The whole point of his message (sermon probably isn’t the right word) was himself and the things God had blessed him with. All in the same message, he talked about the size of his house, his bank account, his ministry—all his stuff and how much he has been “blessed.” I found it all sad and a bit disgusting. Sadly, many audience members were hanging on his every word. One woman even gave him a check for a thousand dollars, and he prayed for her. You would think she had just met Jesus based on how she reacted.

While mentioning the blessings we experience is not bad, we must remember that God’s glory is our goal. Clearly, God was not the object of this pastor’s glory. God was just a means to the end of getting all the stuff he wanted. When a pastor makes their individual blessings the focal point of their ministry, that presents a problem.

Photo Credit:©GettyImages/Deagreez

3. They Crave Admiration

Some pastors constantly need public validation or admiration.

Sometimes, this shows in a pride in their titles—they talk as if they can’t remember their first names. You introduce yourself and ask them their name, and they say, “Hi, my name is Pastor Jones.” The practice is sometimes traditional, but it becomes a problem when the pastors never mention their first names and expect everyone to call them by their title. While it is good to respect someone’s title, if they act insulted whenever you don’t call them “Pastor Jones,” which implies they think more highly of themselves than they ought to.

Sadly, church members may feed the admiration cycle instead of challenging the pastor’s priorities. For example, you may have attended churches where they promptly celebrate the pastor’s birthday, wedding anniversary, or biggest ministry achievements more than they celebrate anything else.

We must remember that healthy pastors know they are stewards, not generals.

Photo Credit:©GettyImages/Rob Daly

4. Their Main Focus Is the Crowd’s Size

Some pastors feel insulted if they are not preaching to a packed house—as if it is beneath them to preach to such a small group. One time, a pastor told me they don’t like preaching on holiday weekends because the attendance is lower. Another pastor tried to discourage me from preaching at a church because only about 25 people showed up. My immediate thought was, “Why does that even matter?”

Sadly, some pastors, even well-known speakers, will refuse to speak at a church because it is not big enough for “someone of their stature.” Remember, we are talking about those who are called to serve others. Imagine a servant refusing to serve because there are not enough people.

We too often forget the value of one life. Remember, Jesus purposely went out of his way to pass through Samaria because there was one woman at a well he needed to talk to. Remember that he spoke a parable about seeking the one sheep in the wilderness. We should do the same if Jesus values one person's life that much.

Photo Credit:©GettyImages/SplashofPhotography

5. They Care More about Church Growth than Attendees’ Personal Growth

This warning sign can be particularly subtle because it sometimes hides under the cover of serving. I know of pastors who have small churches but keep adding more ministries—not because their church needs them, but to ensure that it looks like their church is doing as much as nearby churches.

Similarly, some pastors use their members like raw resources to grow the church instead of treating them as people who have limited. People end up serving in five or six different ministries, and pastors allow or encourage it because “it benefits the church,” ignoring the dangers of burnout. Sadly, I have heard pastors encourage people to use their vacation time “for the sake of the ministry.” While there is nothing wrong if someone uses their vacation to do ministry work, that should be their choice, not because of the pastor's encouragement.

I have seen people neglect their children, spouses, jobs, and careers, sacrificing many relationships because they were being “encouraged” to do more at the church. When pastors see this happening and allow it to continue, it shows they care more about the church’s growth than the congregation’s health. We must remember that leaders are called to serve people well and leave the growth to God.

Photo Credit:©GettyImages/Martin Barraud

6. They Tout Church Accomplishments Like They Did it All Themselves

A good friend told me about a pastor standing up in a meeting and proudly speaking about the many different things they were doing at the church. While he recognized the church’s successes, he conveniently left out the people who helped him do it.

Remember that no one alive accomplishes anything in life without some help. No one gets there on their own. God brings people into our lives to help us move from one stage of success to another. Some of these people may be with us for a short while. Others may be with us for the entire journey. Regardless, no one gets from start to finish all by themselves. When pastors can’t honor those who have helped them, that is a big red flag.

Photo Credit:©GettyImages/Olivier Le Moal

7. They Fail to Recognize Others’ Gifts

While forgetting to mention others’ contributions to the church is bad, there is a related problem we must also watch out for: pastors who downplay other people’s gifts.

Sometimes, this may mean they ignore people whose gifts they don’t share or think are valuable. Other times, they only recognize gifts they don’t see threatening their special place in the church. If someone’s gift differs greatly from what they do, they recognize it. If it resembles their gifts, and especially if the person is more gifted than they are, they ignore it. Rather than helping the person grow and develop their gift, they often stifle it because they fear the person may outshine them. Instead of seeing someone as an ally, they see a threat.

They will “protect their turf” in various other ways. Often, they assign people they know are not as gifted or experienced to certain areas to ensure no one else stands out, “stealing their sunshine.” These pastors are the stars of the show at church, and everyone better recognize that.

Photo Credit:©GettyImages/Andres Barrionuevo Lopez

8. They Refer to Church Members as “My Members”

I always find it fascinating when pastors talk about the church members as if the members belong to them. They use phrases like “my members.”

We must never forget that church members belong not to the pastor but to Christ. Jesus allows the pastor to care for people for a time and a season, but ultimately, they belong to Jesus. Pastors are responsible for members as long as those people remain under their care. However, God may move them somewhere else at any moment; he decides when and where they go.

While all these tips are helpful, I want to end with one word of caution: don’t let a few rotten apples alter your opinion of everyone who is a pastor. The overwhelming majority of pastors are doing the right thing for the right reason, and we need to encourage them in that way because being a pastor is difficult. When you have a good one, your encouragement can help them continue doing what God called.

Photo Credit:©GettyImages/AndreyPopov