6 Ways God Walks with Us in Our Grief

Where Are You, God?

If you’re in the midst of the pain brought on by the loss of a loved one—whether a parent, a spouse, a child, a grandparent, a friend, or a co-worker—it’s easy to misinterpret who God is.

Often, the grief we feel and the anguish in our minds and souls cause us to misunderstand God and His plan. Sometimes, it can feel like He doesn’t care, that He’s apathetic to the suffering we’re experiencing because of your loss. Even worse—it can feel like He’s completely unaware of our pain.

Perhaps it’s been a while since you’ve heard His still, small voice. Maybe you wonder if He’s even speaking to you at all.

Grief and mourning are universal experiences, touching every human being at some point. But despite the universality of the experience of grief, the journey you walk following the death of someone you love is yours and yours alone. But you never have to walk it alone.

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1. God Cares, and He Understands Because He’s Been There

The pain and despair of grief and loss can leave us asking, “Where are you, God?” Oh, but He’s right there—in the midst of the pain—and He knows it well because He, too, experienced the pain of seeing His son, Jesus, die on the cross on Calvary’s mount. Surely His grief was compounded as it was part of His very will for Jesus to be put to death for our sins—and then to rise again on the third day.

The Bible acknowledges—through numerous passages that reflect the human condition--the reality of grief and loss, as well as the pain that accompanies that loss.

In the book of Psalms, the psalmist often expresses a feeling of deep sorrow. Psalm 34:18 tells us that "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit,” highlighting God’s closeness to us as we grieve—and His awareness of our pain. 

Not only is God close to us in the midst of our loss; the Bible says that He also saves us when our spirits are crushed by the weight of grief, signaling not only His ability to pick us up when we’ve fallen down under our pain—but also His understanding of the heaviness of grief and loss.

Where is God when we’re grieving? He’s right here with us, and He wants us to call out to Him, to cry out to Him in our pain, as He is our true source of comfort.

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2. God Shows Us What a Grief Response Looks Like

The New Testament provides a compelling depiction of grief through the life of Jesus Christ. In John 1:14-18, we are assured that Jesus is God’s son—and God Himself. The passage tells us that “the Word (which is Jesus) became flesh and made His dwelling among us” and that “we have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”

God knows the pain of grief firsthand in that He watched His only son die on the cross, and Jesus, who was God in the flesh, experienced and responded to the grief of loss, as we see in the New Testament.

John 11:35 may be the shortest verse in the entire Bible, but it tells us so much about who God is. The verse simply reads, “Jesus wept." The verse is part of the apostle John’s account of the death of Lazarus, a dear friend of Jesus.

Even though Jesus would ultimately call Lazarus forth from his slumber in death to life anew, Jesus fully entered into the sorrow and pain surrounding the loss of His friend. Not only is this another example of God Himself experiencing loss and grief, but it’s also a testament to the appropriateness of grief. Jesus wept upon hearing that his friend had died, and this expression of grief on His part shows Christians that expressing our emotions as part of grief and mourning is a normal part of being human.

In the Beatitudes, found in the Gospel of Matthew in the New Testament, Jesus once again speaks to the normalcy and reality of mourning and grief, saying, “Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4)

In this passage, Christians not only see that grief is a normal response to loss, but they can also see how important we are to Jesus as we grieve—so important that He promises to comfort us.

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3. God Shows Us the Possibility of Praise in the Midst of Mourning

The New Testament isn’t the only part of the Bible that gives us guidance and insight about grief. The Old Testament is rich with narratives that reveal to us how many of God's people dealt with loss, grief, and mourning, even before Jesus was born.

Job's story is a profound exploration of extensive suffering—including loss and the pain associated with grief—coupled with an unwavering faith in the Lord.

Job was a wealthy man who lived in a place called Uz with his family and his flocks. In the first verse of Job, we learn that he is an upright man who has purposed in his heart to follow the Lord and avoid evil.

But despite his devotion to the Lord, Job ultimately loses everything—his children, his wealth, and his health. In his grief, Job expresses his feelings and doesn’t hide the pain he experiences. Job 1:20-21 describes one of Job’s reactions to grief, saying that he “got up and tore his robe and shaved his head.” The passage goes on to say that Job “fell to the ground in worship and said, 'Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart: the Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away.”

And though this passage might sound as though Job is angry at God, blaming Him for the many losses he has experienced, we read on to see Job immediately say, “May the name of the Lord be praised.”

Rather than Job blaming God for his losses, he acknowledges the fact that God is the author of life—the one true Creator. As such, He also decides how long we will live. Job 14:5 says, "Man's days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed,” testifying to God’s sovereignty even over the number of days we will live.

In the midst of our grief, we may experience times of intense emotions like Job did when he tore his clothing as a symbol of the pain he was feeling. And there are surely times in our grief when we might not be able to find the strength within ourselves to praise the Lord as Job did. God understands this, but He still entreats us to come to Him.

In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus encourages us, saying, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest... my yoke is easy, and my burden is light,” proving to us that not only is He aware of the heaviness of the burden of grief on us after the loss of someone we love, but that He is willing, ready, and able to take on that burden, trading it for his light burden. In short, He wants to take that burden from us so that we carry it no more.

Job's responses to his many losses serve as a picture of a balance of mourning and worship, a testament to the possibility of grieving deeply while still retaining our faith in God and His will.

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4. God Shows Us Grief as a Communal Experience

The Bible further emphasizes the importance of supporting others who are grieving. As stated previously, grief is a universal experience that comes to every human being. It’s a journey that is unique to each of us, but that doesn’t mean we have to walk the journey alone.

Romans 12:15 instructs believers to "rejoice with those who rejoice” and to “mourn with those who mourn." This call from the Lord highlights the vital role the faith community is to play in providing support and comfort to those who are grieving. 

In the book of Ruth, we see a beautiful example of fellow followers offering support to those in the midst of grief. After the deaths of her husband and sons, Naomi returns to Bethlehem with her daughter-in-law, Ruth. Naomi expresses her bitterness and sorrow openly, and Ruth's loyalty to Naomi exemplifies the importance of friendship and support in times of mourning. 

In Ruth 1:16, Ruth says to Naomi, “Where you go, I will go, and where you stay, I will stay,” showing a dedication to a fellow follower in a time of need.

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5. God Gives Us the Guarantee of Eternal, Everlasting Comfort

One of the most significant themes in the Bible regarding grief is the promise of eternal comfort and the hope of resurrection.

In 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14, Paul writes to the early Christians, saying, “Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.” Paul continues, saying, “For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in Him."

This passage offers a profound hope that transforms the nature of grief for those who are in Christ. While sorrow and mourning are natural, largely inevitable responses to loss, believers are encouraged to anchor their hope in the promise of eternal life and in the reunion we’ll one day have with those we’ve lost who loved the Lord—all while in the presence of God Himself.

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6. God Gives Grace for Every Moment

If you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, it’s important to understand that grief is not wrong. Grief and mourning are natural, normal responses to the pain that we feel when we lose someone we love.

It’s also important to understand that God knows firsthand the pain of grief because He has experienced it as well. It matters to Him that you are grieving, and He has not forgotten you, though it can feel as though He has.

He’s the author and architect of our lives, and He’s also the author and finisher of our faith. We can trust Him during the good times as well as during the most painful and difficult times of our lives. He will never let us down, and beyond that, He gives us grace—grace for every day, for every hour, and for every moment—something that can bring immense peace and comfort to us as we grieve, especially since there are times during our grief journeys during which we are focused on getting through the next minute, then the next hour, and then the next day.

He knows. He understands. He cares. Friend, if you’re grieving the loss of a loved one today, know that you are not alone. Reach out to a friend, a co-worker, a fellow church member, or another fellow believer. Don’t be ashamed to ask for prayer or for a listening ear. 

Though you may have days on which you don’t think you’ll ever heal from the pain you’re feeling, God promises us that we will be comforted. He’s never broken His promise to us, and He won’t start now.

Related Resource: Your Permission to Ache Freely

Have you ever been told to stop crying? Or maybe "I don't understand why you're not over this by now." Those words "by now" carry a lot of weight. Enter Psalm 88. Join Rachel on the Untangling Life Podcast as she shares a very special episode, the first chapter of her book, "One More Step: Finding Strength When You Feel Like Giving Up." If you're walking through pain, grief, or sorrow without seeing the purpose, then this episode is sure to help you feel seen and heard. If you enjoy this episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!

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