7 Ways a Husband Can Communicate Better

1. Create a Safe Environment

Men generally interpret respect as love. Women feel love through safety and security. Realizing this, we must create a safe environment to share and communicate. This involves fostering an atmosphere of trust, openness, and acceptance, where wives feel comfortable expressing their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of judgment or rejection.

Ephesians 4:15 encourages believers to speak the truth in love, emphasizing the importance of honesty and kindness in communication. To love means desiring the best for the other. As Christians, we love through desiring the eternal best for all. With our wives we keep our wife’s best in mind as our only motivation in each interaction. By practicing empathy and understanding, husbands demonstrate their commitment to creating a safe space.

Proverbs 31:11-12 praises the virtuous wife whose husband trusts in her and lacks nothing of value. This passage highlights the importance of trust in marriage and the mutual respect and support that underpin healthy communication. 1 Peter 3:7 instructs husbands to treat their wives with consideration and honor, recognizing them as fellow heirs of God's grace. This verse underscores the need for husbands to value their wives' perspectives and feelings, creating an environment where both partners can communicate authentically and respectfully.

By creating a safe environment for sharing and honesty, husbands can strengthen their relationship with their wives, deepen their emotional connection, and foster mutual understanding and support.

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2. Ask Questions

Looking at the model of Christ and the Church regarding marriage, I realized several differences exist between me and Jesus. Mainly, Jesus knows everything. I know very little. I can't assume I know everything about loving and communicating with my wife. I should rather assume I need more information, which only she can provide about herself. This requires asking questions.

Husbands improve communication with their wives by showing genuine interest in their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This approach fosters dialogue, understanding, and emotional connection within the marriage relationship.

Proverbs 20:5 encourages seeking understanding through questions: “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.” This applies to women and men. By asking thoughtful questions, husbands demonstrate a desire to understand their wives better, uncovering their thoughts, desires, and needs.

Additionally, Proverbs 18:15 highlights the value of seeking knowledge through inquiry, declaring, “An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge.” Intelligent people (or the wise) ask questions. Through this, husbands gain insight into their wives’ perspectives and experiences, strengthening their bond. Everyone wants to feel seen and heard, and through asking questions to understand better, our wives can feel loved and appreciated as a person.

This approach to communication aligns with biblical principles of seeking understanding, acquiring knowledge, and honoring one another in marriage, reflecting God’s design for healthy and fulfilling relationships.

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3. Active Listening

Once we ask the questions, we must listen to the answers, not try to fix a problem or work on defending our position.

Husbands can significantly improve communication by practicing active listening, which involves attentively receiving and understanding what their wives express. All too often, people internally work on their responses before the speaker finishes their thoughts, resulting in more misunderstanding. Active listening demonstrates respect and genuine interest in their wives’ thoughts, feelings, and concerns.

James 1:19 advises believers to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. It emphasizes listening attentively before responding, allowing space for understanding and empathy to guide communication. By practicing active listening, husbands can create an environment where their wives feel valued, heard, and respected.

Proverbs 18:13 warns against answering before fully listening, stating, “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.” Hasty responses lead to foolishness and misunderstanding, eventually to our shame. Husbands who practice active listening demonstrate wisdom and humility, prioritizing their wives' perspectives and experiences.

In addition, Proverbs 15:1 highlights the power of gentle words to turn away anger and foster understanding: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Active listening enables husbands to respond with gentleness and compassion, diffusing tension and promoting reconciliation and unity in the marriage relationship.

This approach aligns with biblical principles of wisdom, humility, and love, reflecting God’s desire for mutual respect and understanding within marriage.

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4. Validate Feelings

For many men, their biggest fear is failure. Men desire to provide for and protect their wives; she knows them better than anyone. When she begins expressing her feelings and thoughts, husbands can get defensive, trying to address their fears of failure. This leads to conflict, not unity, which doesn’t help her feel safe with us. Instead, we should validate our wives’ feelings before addressing or responding.

Husbands validate feelings by acknowledging and affirming their wives’ emotions, demonstrating empathy and understanding.

Ephesians 4:32 encourages believers to be kind and compassionate to one another and to forgive each other, just as God in Christ forgave them. Validating feelings aligns with this, showing empathy and compassion toward our spouse and acknowledging their emotions and experiences with kindness and understanding.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 emphasizes the importance of encouraging and building each other up. Validating feelings encourages spouses, affirming the validity of their emotions and experiences and strengthening their emotional well-being. A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit (Proverbs 15:13). Validating feelings helps to alleviate heartache by acknowledging and empathizing with our wives’ emotions, promoting emotional healing and resilience in the face of challenges.

By validating feelings, husbands demonstrate their commitment to emotionally understanding and supporting their wives, creating a safe and nurturing environment for open and honest communication.

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5. Pray Together

For a Christian husband and wife, God’s love remains the standard in their relationship. God designed marriage and desires his children to enjoy the blessing of a healthy marriage. Part of healthy communication involves bringing our Father into the conversation; the one who loves abundantly loves us.

Praying together cultivates a deeper spiritual connection and unity within our marriage, strengthening our bond and fostering intimacy. God calls us to unity in marriage, to be “one flesh.” As Jesus' followers, our intimacy encompasses the whole person—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These aren’t separate, but parts of a whole, and praying together undergirds all three.

Matthew 18:20 declares, “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” When husbands and wives come together in prayer, they create a sacred space for communion with Him and each other.

James 5:16 highlights the effectiveness of prayer, stating, “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” When we unite in prayer, we strengthen our petitions through shared faith and Christ’s righteousness, leading to transformative outcomes in our lives and marriage. Ecclesiastes 4:12 emphasizes the strength of unity, stating, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” When we pray with our wives, we weave a spiritual bond to enable us to overcome challenges together, supported by God’s presence and guidance.

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6. Quality Time

Through life’s seasons and busy times, it becomes easy to allow the “necessities” of life to keep us from spending quality time together. Just like the “cares of this life” choke out the growing word of God in Jesus’ parable of the soils, we must remain intentional about making time to be with each other. This quality time fosters deeper connection and allows couples to build intimacy and cultivate shared experiences to enhance that connection.

Shared experiences and activities bring husband and wife closer together. Whether a trip or a favorite restaurant, these experiences become part of the couple’s story. We must be intentional about adding these moments as a couple.

Ephesians 5:25-26 instructs husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Spending quality time with one's wife reflects this sacrificial love, prioritizing her emotional and relational needs above other commitments. Proverbs 17:17 emphasizes the value of friendship and companionship in marriage, stating, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” Spending quality time together allows husbands and wives to cultivate their friendship, enjoying each other’s company.

By prioritizing quality time, we demonstrate our commitment to nurturing the relationship. We continue to grow closer, moving forward together rather than apart.

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7. Show Respect

We love and respect each other in every aspect and area of life. We honor our wives’ thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. She has talents and a spiritual calling, just as we do, and hers is no less valid or needed in our lives or the community around us. Husbands should treat their wives as partners in life, not as servants.

Ephesians 5:33 instructs husbands to love their wives and wives to respect their husbands. This verse highlights the importance of mutual respect in marriage, emphasizing husbands' and wives' unique needs and roles. Colossians 3:19 urges husbands to love their wives and not be harsh with them. Demonstrating respect involves speaking and acting with kindness, gentleness, and consideration toward our wives, avoiding actions or words that belittle or demean her.

Proverbs 31 describes an amazing wife, and this chapter includes her talents and business acumen. She’s an intelligent and strong person, a partner, not a subordinate. We honor our wives and value their contributions, opinions, and feelings by showing respect in every area. This practice enhances communication and relational harmony within the marriage.

This approach aligns with biblical principles of love, honor, and mutual submission in marriage. It reflects God’s design for husbands and wives to treat each other with dignity, respect, and kindness in all aspects of their relationship.

God desires for his children to have healthy marriages, which will both model God's love and bring us joy in the intimacy we long for. Knowing this and God’s love for us, we can boldly come to him to continue teaching us how to love our wives as he loves us. He generously gives wisdom when we ask.

Also, it’s wise to seek mentors, older married couples, with whom to share life and ask further questions. Others have faced the same challenges, and we should value the experience of those who’ve gone before us.

Peace.

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