Anyone who has been married for a while can tell you that it can be hard. That doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it, but it takes work for a marriage to thrive. Both people are putting in the time and effort. It’s also helpful when a support system surrounds us, so we aren’t doing marriage alone. The church is one of those places where we should be able to find this, but we also need to understand what and who the church is. It isn’t a building with a pastor and staff who make up the church; it’s much bigger than this. The church is a body of believers who know Jesus and follow him. That is what it is. The church includes me, and it includes you. If we can live this out and be the church to struggling marriages, the impact could be huge.
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1. Be Honest about Your Struggles
1. Be Honest about Your Struggles
It is easy to assume that everyone else has it all figured out. The truth is, we are good at pretending that we have it all together, not that we do. If we were honest, each of us has something we struggle with. I have found it refreshing to hear another person talk about their struggles and how they have dealt with them. It helps me know that I am not alone in my areas of struggle.
What if those of us who make up the church were a little more honest about how things were in our marriages? Don’t think of it as announcing to the whole world, but in smaller group settings, whether you meet up for coffee with someone, or share it within a small group. Your story might have the power to help change someone else’s life. Opening up about something like this can be scary, but it can also be gratifying. Our shared experiences help us feel closer to others; again, we aren’t alone in our struggles. Your story might give someone else the motivation they need to make necessary changes for their marriage to work.
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2. Get Involved in Each Other’s Lives
2. Get Involved in Each Other’s Lives
We are not meant to do this life alone; we are meant to do it together. Many of us live as though we are doing it alone. The Lord has created us to need others, and we should be able to depend on each other. It could be praying for a friend, asking if you can help them out when a need arises, asking about something they have shared before, inviting someone to dinner, or watching someone’s kids for them. It can be any way you take care of someone else, coming alongside them when they need it.
For marriages and getting involved in each other’s lives, you could ask another couple to go out on a double date and pour into them, encourage them, recommend a counselor, or even attend a small group with another couple. Getting involved in each other’s lives means doing life together, getting to know people on a deeper level, and not walking alone. You will reap the benefits of it if you do; it won’t always be easy, but it will be richer. Your marriage will be better for it, and it may help people whose marriages are struggling to hopefully become better.
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3. Model What it Should Look Like
3. Model What it Should Look Like
How many of us have actually been exposed to healthy and thriving marriages? I was fortunate enough to have people in my life who have modeled this, and I know it has helped me know what I want my marriage to look like. Those of us in the church could work on this so we could model to others how a healthy marriage should work.
If not the church, then who? As believers and the church, we have a tremendous opportunity to show people what a marriage could be. We don’t have to do this on our power, we can ask the Lord to give us what we need to make our marriages ones that people will want to model their own after. It will take work, but what a beautiful goal to work toward, making our marriages more like Jesus intended, so people struggling in marriage can have hope.
Take an honest look at your marriage, what is working, and what can be improved. Invite Jesus into it to show others what that looks like. Maybe people are drawn to the Lord because of what our marriages look like.
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4. Don’t Be Afraid to Challenge Each Other and Say What Needs to Be Said
4. Don’t Be Afraid to Challenge Each Other and Say What Needs to Be Said
Another way the church can help marriages is by not being afraid to talk about the hard stuff. This doesn’t mean saying whatever comes to your mind. If there is an idea, situation, or person who needs to hear the truth and be challenged, we should be willing to be bold enough to speak what is necessary. We should also ask for wisdom from the Lord and be grace-filled with our words.
It can be hard to challenge people in the society we are in right now when everyone likes to hear what they want to hear, but it is so vital to take opportunities that we have to push people out of their comfort zone. However, none of us will grow unless we challenge what needs to be fixed. If we don’t say the hard things, some may not even know what they are doing could be improved or done completely differently. Especially within marriages that are struggling, something may need to change. What an honor it can be to share the truth with others so they know that with Jesus, anything is possible.
What a privilege we have as the church to be able to pour into marriages and encourage them to fight for their marriages. If there is anything that marriages need right now, it is the hope of Jesus. I know that for me personally, I don’t know how my marriage would work without him. He brings hope and a fresh start for those who need it.
Let this challenge those of us who belong to the church. Again, who else will if we don’t minister to struggling marriages? We have a tremendous opportunity to encourage people who need it, and see marriages be restored. I will always be grateful for the people who have taken the time to pour into my life and show me that there is a better way. It isn’t easy, and not everyone will see things the way we see them, but if we can even strengthen one marriage, it is worth it.
This is going to be my prayer: that the church would be empowered by the Holy Spirit to affect marriages around it and restore those relationships. We have more power than we think to do good. May we step out and do it?
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Originally published April 23, 2025.
