It’s that time of year when we resolve to live healthier. But goals and resolutions to eat clean and exercise more won’t be enough to stay fully healthy anymore. Health studies show we must also take steps to be less lonely.
There is a legitimate health risk of isolation and a failure to connect socially with others at a deeper level that is now increasing your chance of dementia by 50 percent and your chance of premature death by more than 60 percent. It is actually unhealthy to be lonely today—mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and now physically, regardless of your age. According to the U.S. Surgeon General, the long-term health risks of this “epidemic of loneliness” are equivalent to the danger of smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day!
The consequences of technology and post-COVID isolation habits, combined with an increasing reliance on our devices and experiencing less human interaction and touch than at any other time in history, means you and I could be one of those statistics without even realizing it. But you don’t have to struggle through loneliness in this new year.
In my book, The New Loneliness, I not only explain how we got to this place in our anxiety-ridden digital age, but how we can reach out to God and nurture meaningful connections with others when we feel isolated. Here are seven tangible ways to live less lonely in the new year:
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1. Remember God is with you.
1. Remember God is with you.
During the Christmas season, we hear and sing about Emmanuel—God with us. But that isn’t just a once-a-year Christmas sentiment. It is our day-to-day reality throughout the year as well. God with us does not mean God who once lived before us. Nor does it mean God who will someday be with us or God from a distance. But, God with us here and now and forevermore.
Jesus, and His indwelling Holy Spirit, represent God with us—in everything we struggle through, everything we think we can’t do, everything we fear or worry about.
If you are trusting in Jesus Christ alone for your salvation, God’s Spirit literally dwells within you, empowering you when you confess your sins and yield your life to Him. When you begin to feel that you are alone and that no one understands or cares, the first step is to remember that the Spirit of God is always with you.
2. Release to God Your past hurts.
We are all wounded in some way and left with scars of betrayal, abandonment, broken relationships, insecurity, or wondering if we are really loved for who we are. These scars can cover longtime hurts we didn’t know we had, and keep us from developing deeper friendships with others. Sometimes, out of a fear of being hurt, we keep those who extend toward us at a distance and thus find it easier to text than talk, or communicate via a screen rather than face to face.
I encourage you to release to God your past hurts, insecurities, and feelings of inadequacy—all of which can interfere with enjoying healthy relationships with others. You can do this by asking God to help you trust Him first and foremost, and give you the ability to trust others as well. Talking with a trusted friend may also help. Ask him or her to pray with you as you surrender to God certain hurts that may still be affecting who you are today. Remember, He is the God who makes who makes all things new—even you! (2 Corinthians 5:17).
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3. Reacquaint yourself with your God-given purpose.
3. Reacquaint yourself with your God-given purpose.
When you reconnect—or start to really connect—with God through His Word and a focus on His character, you’ll find your value in Him. You’ll also discover the priority and purpose He set for your life—the one thing you’re all about—to love Him with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and to love others as yourself (Matthew 22:37-39). When we are reminded we exist to love God and enjoy Him forever, and to live in honest and loving community with others, it takes our focus off of ourselves and our loneliness. It helps us realize we are here for a reason, and it’s not solely to receive from others. Our purpose is ultimately to serve our Lord and others and glorify Him in the process.
Ephesians 2:10 says, “We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them” (NASB). Start thinking about how you can live your purpose by loving and serving others.
4. Determine to become a participant again.
During the COVID pandemic, many of us became comfortable merely observing life, rather than participating in it. And you might still be doing that, without realizing it. Sometimes it’s easier to sit back, watch others’ highlight reels on social media, and live life via the screen on your device, never having to leave your home to shop, socialize, work, or recreate. You can get out of spectator mode by acknowledging that you’ve become more of a spectator than a participant and choosing to become an active part of life around you once again.
You might start by picking up the phone and opting to talk with someone, rather than text or chat online (whether it’s a customer service rep or a family member or friend). Attend church if you can, rather than watching it online. Think “participate rather than spectate” and practice your people presence by making eye contact with others who are in the room and limiting your time in front of a screen. The more you begin to interact with people, the less lonely you will ultimately feel.
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5. Take the initiative to reconnect with longtime friends.
5. Take the initiative to reconnect with longtime friends.
If most of your friendships are recent or online, and most of the socializing you do is through a screen, it is likely that you have missed experiencing the deeper connection and intimacy that comes from being face to face, and shoulder-to-shoulder with other human beings. That can lead to a deep sense of loneliness. When it comes to developing and deepening friendships, more of your five senses need to be involved than just the touch of your fingers on a keyboard and the sound of its clicking. Mutual eye contact, physical touch through a hand-held or a warm hug, and hearing the tone in another’s voice can all help build intimacy and trust between you and another person. A number of shared experiences over the course of time can also deepen relationships. Chances are you’re missing all of that human interaction more than you know.
Aim to get back in touch (literally) with family members and friends by talking or FaceTiming rather than texting, and getting dates on the calendar to be in front of faces again. Make the time to be among people whom you love and who love you, but maybe have been just as busy as you. Consider that lunch date or evening event, or social time with a group as important as a doctor appointment, because it could impact your health just as much.
6. Focus on quality, not quantity.
It’s great to have many friends, but the old adage is true: a friend to everyone is a friend to no one. If you are one to hesitate to trust others, be selective with whom you share your heart. Seek quality friendships—a handful of people in your life who can be trusted, rather than wanting many friends who might not be as loyal or as careful with your heart. It’s okay, too, to go out and do things with people without fully expressing your heart. Take it slowly as you decide whom you can trust. The important thing is to get out there and practice your people-presence and focus on being the kind of friend you hope to have in return.
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7. Reach out to others in the body of Christ.
7. Reach out to others in the body of Christ.
God created us to live interdependently in community, not to live independently and in isolation. Sometimes we think we will be fine on our own, but we can’t fulfill God’s purposes for us and grow spiritually without other believers in our lives. If you want the true unity and meaningful connection God intended for you, that can only be found in the body of Christ, the church.
How long has it been since you’ve felt connected with a group of believers in a local church? That is the best place to find a trusted Christian friend you can talk with when loneliness creeps in. Take the initiative to participate in a support group, Bible study, or ministry group, and there you will find like-minded believers who can support, encourage, and help you grow in several areas of your life. Personality differences and misunderstandings are inevitable anywhere—even in the church. But as you put yourself in the position, literally, where God can surround you with like-minded believers, you can grow spiritually by navigating through relationships as God intended, and experience the joy of community, rather than the ache of loneliness.
From Philippians 2:2-3, we learn that commonality (sharing the same faith) starts friendships. Unity keeps them. And being intent on one purpose preserves them. The unchanging Spirit of God cements strong ties among believers. So, seek friends who are intent on the same purpose as you (growing closer to Jesus and glorifying Him in all you do), and you will find a friend who “loves at all times” (Proverbs 17:17).
You don’t have to be a part of this culture’s new loneliness. With these steps, you can push through any hesitation to connect and find yourself equipped by the Lord to be a far less lonely and far more joyful follower of His in the new year.
For more on how to live less lonely, see Cindi McMenamin’s book, The New Loneliness: Nurturing Meaningful Connections When You Feel Isolated.
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Originally published December 19, 2024.
