10 Ways to Move Beyond Your Loneliness During the Holidays

1. God Wants You to Feel Connected

Connection was God’s idea. He created us in His image as relational beings. Often when we feel lonely, we beat ourselves up wondering, “What is wrong with me?” Here’s the thing, God designed you to feel the ache of loneliness both for Himself and others. He wants to you feel connected. So, when loneliness hits, rather than beating yourself up, consider your loneliness a signal that your soul needs to reconnect.

Jesus told us in John 15, that we are to stay connected to Him. He is the vine and we are the branches. When we remain in Him, and He in us, our joy will be complete. From that place of deep bonding we are to branch out to form connections with others. The more firmly rooted we are in God, the more we will be able to initiate connection with others. If that’s true, why are the holidays so hard?

Why Are the Holidays So Hard?

The Holidays seem to stir up the expectations in our hearts for deep connection. Think about the Christmas cards you receive. They paint a picture of family around the table, couples walking in the snow, beautiful images that tell a story of harmony and peace. Every Christmas movie seems to have a happy ending. Yet for many that is often not the case. The holidays don’t change difficult relationships.

We need to change our expectations. Those who come from dysfunctional families often long for normality, but the holidays won’t change that. Those who are single long for a spouse. The holidays won’t magically bring a spouse. Those who are married long for renewed romance, and while renewed romance is possible with work, that won’t necessarily happen during the holidays.

The temptation is to put our hopes in the holiday season rather than in Christ Himself. Jesus is the source of our hope (1 Peter 1:3). We can confidently set our expectations on Him. He is the One who will never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).

As we anticipate the holiday season, we must bow our expectations to the Lord. Yet, realizing things won’t be perfect, we can still take the initiative to move beyond our loneliness.

Here are 10 ways to move beyond your loneliness this holiday season:

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1. Praise God Every Morning and Evening That You Are Never Alone

Scripture tells us that Jesus has promised He will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). His presence is constantly with you. He is your ever-present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1). You never ever have to fear being completely alone because the truth is you are never completely alone. Your deepest connection needs to be with God. As you feel secure in His love, you will be able to reach out and bond with others. When you train yourself to give thanks every morning and every evening for the presence of Christ, the Holy Spirit will strengthen your ability to feel the presence of Christ. You will feel more connected, and as you learn to enjoy His love, you’ll feel less lonely.

2. Monitor Your Expectations Before Every Holiday Gathering

Remember, the only safe place for our expectations is God (Psalm 62:5). Remind yourself that while the Holiday gathering or dinner will be fun, it will not be the answer to the ache in your heart. Only Jesus can fill that deep throb. Bow your expectations before the Lord because otherwise, you will end up disappointed. Lay them on the altar and remind yourself that though the gathering won’t be perfect, it will be an opportunity to be with people. The people who gather won’t be perfect, but neither are you. However, each of them has been created in the image of God and, as such, possesses divinely given dignity.

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3. Go to Events Prepared to Listen

All through the scriptures, we are instructed to listen (Proverbs 1:5). Yet, so often, we put more emphasis on talking. Listening, though, is the key to better connections. Cultivate a mindset of curiosity. Before you go, think of at least 3 questions you can ask those who will gather. Perhaps those questions will be simple, like, “Where will you spend Christmas this year?” Or they might be more thought-provoking, like, “What are you most looking forward to in the New Year?” You could ask, “What’s the funniest thing that has ever happened to you during the Holidays?” Or, “Which holiday stands out the most in your memory?” The object of question asking is to get out of yourself and focus on the other person. Every single person is a beautiful mystery to explore. Often, when we feel lonely, we become self-absorbed, but the key to moving beyond loneliness is to be other-focused.

4. Bring Baked Goods or Other Small Gifts to Your Neighbors

Recently, our mayor in Colorado Springs asked churches in the area to have their people host block parties. Why? Because many people no longer know their neighbors. How can we love our neighbors like Jesus asked us to if we don’t even know them? (Matthew 22:39). The holidays provide a wonderful opportunity to get to know your neighbors. Bring cookies or a small loaf of baked bread. If you hate baking, bring a little plant and just say, “Happy Holidays, I’m your neighbor.” Then, introduce yourself. If we’re going to move beyond our feelings of being isolated, we need to begin to reach out to our neighbors and start once again living in community.

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5. Choose a Place to Serve and Volunteer

Jesus modeled and called us to serve others. (John 13:14-16). You might choose to serve in a soup kitchen this Christmas, or perhaps you can serve somehow in a children’s hospital. Maybe you can visit a nursing home or help with a food pantry. Offer to serve in your church’s nursery during a Christmas Eve service or offer to be a greeter. When we serve others, it stirs up gratitude in our hearts for all the ways God has blessed us and reminds us that we are in life together. As a result, we feel more connected and less lonely. We were created for community, and we are better together.

6. Invite a Few Friends or Acquaintances over for Coffee, Christmas Cookies, and Good Conversation

Host a conversation on the best holiday traditions. Or what they feel most thankful for from the past year. You could have each one share a favorite Christmas memory, or they could bring a Christmas ornament that points to what they have learned about God in the past year. Have each one who comes share their stories and sentiments. Conversation is a great way to connect. As we fill our conversations with grace, people will be encouraged to connect more fully (Colossians 4:6). You could also have them share what they are trusting God for in the New Year to come. Remember to stay curious to keep the conversation going. If you can afford it, you could send each one home with a small ornament to remind them of the beatify of friendship.

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7. Invite Those Who Have Nowhere to go to Your House for Christmas Dinner

There are so many who have nowhere to go for Christmas dinner. Jesus told us when we host banquets to invite the lost and the broken, the messy and the marginalized, and the lonely and forgotten to our tables (Luke14:12-24). This is the truest form of Christian hospitality. Jesus invites all to His table. In the early church, hospitality was part of following Jesus. Somewhere along the way, hospitality became entertaining. But that was never God’s plan. His plan was that we would open our homes so that others would feel loved and meet Jesus. When you invite someone who is lonely to your dinner table for the holidays, they feel less lonely and you also will feel less lonely.

8. Adopt a Family for the Holidays

God sets the lonely in families (Psalm 68:6). One of the ways He does this is by using believers in the body of Christ to adopt those without families. There are many families in crisis who live near you. Maybe they are struggling financially but really desire to give gifts to their kids for Christmas. Figure out which families in your area need a little extra help. In addition to bringing gifts, bring groceries. My husband, Steve, and I did this last year for a family. The father had failing kidneys and, as such, was unable to work. When we delivered their gifts, wrapped and ready to go, the Dad was so moved and sat talking with my husband for a long while. We were able to pray with that family and share the love of Christ. I guarantee there are families in your area who are struggling. Adopt a family this Christmas. You could also adopt an elderly person who has no family near them. They are some of the loneliest people in society. Why not bring some Christmas cookies or candy and sit and visit with them for a while? If your own kids don’t have grandparents nearby, find some surrogate grandparents and watch the beautiful relationship that unfolds.

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9. Visit Prisoners in Jail

Those who are incarcerated are some of the loneliest people in society. Jesus invited us to do this as unto Him (Matthew 25:36). Many in prison have been abandoned by their families. Or they are lonely because they can no longer see their children. See if you can gather a few to go caroling in the prison. Get permission to bring candy or cookies to share and offer to pray for prisoners who feel despondent. Ask the Lord to bring hope through you. 

10. Attend a Christmas Eve Service

You might feel nervous about attending a Christmas Eve service when you feel alone. But singing and worshipping with others is good for your soul and reminds you that there is comradery in the body of Christ. In fact, many of the Christmas carols we often sing in the church remind us to “Come and adore Him.” As we worship together, we are reminded that the reason Christ came into the world is because God wanted a deeper connection with us. Faith rises as we worship Him together, and our loneliness ache is abated. Before you attend, ask the Lord to show you one person who needs encouragement. Then, be attentive to others who might feel lonely. Start a conversation with them and ask about their Christmas plans, if they don’t have any, perhaps you can invite them for Christmas coffee or dinner.

Loneliness often increases during the holidays as we see people gather. It’s easy to feel left out but you don’t have to be a victim to loneliness this holiday season. Seek to deepen your connection with God through prayer and praise. Then take initiative and try one of these suggestions to connect more deeply with others. As you reach out to be an agent of healing someone’s loneliness, your own loneliness will lessen in the process.

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