7 Ways to Prepare Your Heart for Christmas after Losing a Loved One

1. Praying over the Holiday

Preparing your heart for Christmas after losing a loved one can be done by praying over the holiday. As Christmas is approaching, pray each day. Ask the Lord to help give you strength as you navigate this holiday without your loved one. Whether this is your first Christmas without your loved one or it has been many years without your loved one, the pain will still be present. Although many people tell us that time heals, it is not true.

While time can help, it will not heal us. Jesus will be walking with us through the pain and He can help ease the discomfort. However, since we love our loved one so much, it is impossible to say we will ever heal from the pain of losing them. Death is something that is hard to understand until it is present in your life. Therefore, don’t feel as though there is something wrong with you because you are not in the Christmas spirit this year.

Choose to spend some time by yourself, praying over the situation. As you pray to the Lord, ask Him to give you peace, serenity, and comfort. God is faithful and He will surround you with His peace. Be still before Him and rest in His love (Psalm 46:10). Continue to pray throughout the holiday season and don’t be afraid to be honest in your prayers.

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2. Trusting Your Tears with Jesus

As you are giving your worries and concerns over to the Lord, you might find yourself shedding some tears. The first few years after my mom passed, I would cry the entire day on Christmas. Due to home life being stressful and missing my mom, I just ended up crying the entire day away. I wanted God to take me from this world and take me to be with Him. Maybe you will find yourself in a similar situation this year because of the pain.

Allow yourself to feel this pain, but don’t keep it inside. Release the sadness and pain in your tears. There is nothing weak about crying. In fact, it is very strong to cry. As you cry, allow your emotions to flow. You will feel much better after you have cried. Keeping your emotions bottled up will only result in worse problems, more pain, and potential lash-outs.

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3. Seeking Support from Loved Ones

During this Christmas season, don’t be afraid to reach out to loved ones. Your trusted friends and close loved ones will know that this season is difficult for you. Be honest with them about your struggles and how you are feeling, and share some memories of your loved one with them if you want. In this way, you can still talk about your loved one in a positive way. It is never good to stop talking about your loved one or to ignore their death.

As you are seeking support from your loved ones, ask them to meet up more often with you during the holiday season. Even if you might feel like the last thing you want to do is meet up with someone for coffee, you will feel better afterward. I isolated myself for years because I didn’t want to talk with anyone, but this only made the pain worse. It feels better to talk with others about the pain and have their support and encouragement and to point us back to the truth that we will see our loved one again one day in Heaven.

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4. Spending More Time in the Bible

Christmastime is a holiday that we normally become so busy we forget to pick up our Bible. During this darker season of your life, use it as an opportunity to slow down during the Christmas season. Sit with your Bible, pray before you open it, and ask God to show you what He wants you to see. Do this every day and allow Him to direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6). He might lead you to specific Christmas passages, talking about the Lord’s birth into the world, or He might lead you to the comfort of the Gospels. 

When we spend more time in the Bible after losing a loved one, we will see that God understands our pain. Jesus never said we were spared from trouble on this earth, but He did say He has overcome the world (John 16:33). Since Jesus has destroyed death and trampled the devil under His feet, we can look forward to the day we celebrate Him in Heaven with our loved ones who have already passed away.

The Bible is the living and active Word of God, and it has the ability to change our lives (Hebrews 4:12). God knows exactly what we need to read in His Word, and He will lead us to the right passages. These passages will be able to prepare your heart for Christmas and give hope back into your heart. Everything might feel like darkness right now, but the light is coming.

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5. Engaging in Self-Care

Many people believe that self-care is selfish or sinful. This couldn’t be further from the truth as God wants us to take care of our physical health and our mental health. Therefore, when you are processing the holiday season and preparing for Christmas, think about a few things you like to do that will help you relax. Self-care looks different for everyone. It doesn’t have to be taking a bubble bath or getting your nails done.

Instead, it can be going to a bookstore, working on a painting you started, or meeting up with friends. Take some time for self-care each day. Even if it might only be for half an hour, it will help your overall well-being. Jesus died in order for us to have an abundant life (John 10:10). With this abundant life, take time to take care of yourself and preserve your own health. It is very common for our own health to suffer after the death of a loved one, but we must remember to take care of our own well-being.

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6. Leaving Regret Behind

If there was one thing I felt after my mother passed away in addition to intense sadness was regret. I regretted that I wasn’t there when she took her final breath. I should have been there with her in the hospital room, but I was scared. I stayed at home with my family and just prayed everything would be okay. On that cold October morning, my dad got a call, saying to hurry over to the hospital as my mom wouldn’t be alive much longer. He left, but my sisters and I stayed.

Until this very day, this has been my biggest regret in life. I should have been there for her. She would have been there for me. 

While this is something that might always creep into my mind, we have to let regrets go. Holidays have a way of bringing these regrets back into our hearts, but we must let them go. Allow this Christmas to be a year where you release all of your regrets to God. They have been forgiven by Him and it is time for you to forgive yourself as well.

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7. Keeping Your Loved One Alive in Memories

One final way to prepare our hearts for Christmas after losing a loved one is to keep them alive in our memories. We can do this by talking about the memories we have of our loved ones. Even if they are sad memories, we can still share them. Something I struggled with for many years was that I thought I was a burden if I shared memories about my mom with others. However, I found that others do want to hear about the memories I have of my mom and how much she means to me.

I have preserved her memory through these stories and in my writing. In this way, my mom is still alive. And I know that she is alive in Heaven. She isn’t here on this earth, but she is alive in Heaven, and soon, I will see her again. Life here is relatively short compared to eternity, and we need to reflect on this truth. Many days and Christmases will be painful, but our hope is in the Lord. We will see our loved ones again, and nobody will take away our joy (John 16:22).

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