As the youngest of three siblings, I have had my fair share of dealing with difficult aspects of family life. I have also seen the beauty of living in a big family. Although there are struggles at times, I am glad God gave me the family that He did. Some people grow up in traumatic experiences where their family members severely hurt them. It is a true gift for those growing up in loving families.
My siblings and I got along; however, as we got older, there were more problems. As much as I wish the issues were rooted in one of my siblings stealing one of my shirts to wear for picture day, our arguments were more based on our struggles with an eating disorder. At one point, all of my siblings, including myself, were struggling with anorexia, and it made the home situation very stressful.
Everything was a competition and a way to somehow do better at the eating disorder than one another. Thankfully, recovery has helped with these issues, and lasting true sisterhood bonds have been returned to our family. Whether or not you and your siblings had a tough time liking each other growing up, it can impact how you raise your children.
The goal is to ensure your kids like each other rather than grow at odds with one another. After all, your children will be in each other’s lives forever, and they must like each other. They might have phases where they are annoyed by one another. Still, it is vital to continue cultivating a home environment where they are encouraged to love, support, and encourage one another.
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1. Give Them Time Together Regardless of Their Age Differences
1. Give Them Time Together Regardless of Their Age Differences
My eldest sister is six years older than me, while my other sister is only 10 months older. Despite this big age gap, my mom and dad always had all three of us do everything together. Whether that be gymnastics camp, pirate camp, or book club camp, my mom and dad sent us all to the same activities. As I've gotten older, I have seen how my oldest sister was a trooper by participating in our kiddie groups and still showing up to each class.
As a kid, I thought she was being dramatic when she got a foot cramp on the balance beam, but in all honesty, if I were walking on a balance beam when I was almost twenty years old, I would have gotten worse than a foot cramp. My mom and dad ensured we did things together, so we grew up liking one another and being friends. As I mentioned, we still had our troubles, but overall, we have stuck close to each other.
Another thing that my mom and dad did (probably unintentionally) was that my sisters and I were almost always together without my parents. Since my mom would be at work in her office (she worked remotely), my sisters and I would typically go off on our own and do activities together. We always did something together, even if it was just going to the park or playing tennis.
Regardless of the age difference of your children, make sure they are spending time together. This will help them to form strong bonds with one another. It will also help them see what interests their siblings and how they can best support them. You might be surprised at how much your siblings will naturally get along and build one another up.
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2. Don't Isolate Them
2. Don't Isolate Them
Some parents think isolating their children from one another is a good idea if they are having difficulty getting along. While this might be needed if your children are growing hostile to one another or one is struggling with an untreated mental illness, it might not be required if they are just upset because their siblings took their favorite toy. Assess the situation for yourself and see what needs to be done.
If everything is not going smoothly between your children, try talking with them one-on-one and then bringing them together. Remind them of all the fun that they have and how much they love one another. This will help them reflect on all the happy times and not hold any hatred toward their siblings. Family is strong, and we must do what we can to maintain the bond.
We will all have struggles with our family members, but what we do about these struggles makes a difference. Isolating one another or ourselves will cause many problems. God doesn't want us to do these things, as they will only cause problems for the family. Seek ways to include all children together and take necessary steps to help each kid succeed.
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3. Use Older Siblings to Babysit Rather Than an Alternative Babysitter
3. Use Older Siblings to Babysit Rather Than an Alternative Babysitter
My mom and dad never allowed us to be babysat by another person. My mom was terrified that the babysitter would become a criminal, and she didn't like the idea of leaving us with a stranger. For this reason, if we were ever left alone (extremely rare), the oldest of us would be in charge. As the youngest, I was only left in charge once when it was me and our family dog.
My eldest sister was usually the sibling left in charge and was supposed to control things. If I'm being honest, though, we did our fair share and worked as a team to ensure nothing terrible happened. We figured it out together if we were left to make our dinner. In the same way, if we made a mess, we worked together to clean it up.
Teaching your children teamwork would greatly help if they ever encounter this dilemma. It has helped my siblings and me work through hard situations and develop a stronger bond with one another. If we had a babysitter with us, the babysitter would likely fix all the problems, and we would not have had a chance for growth or personal improvement.
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4. Get Them Involved in Activities Together
4. Get Them Involved in Activities Together
As I mentioned earlier, siblings need to do things together. Siblings must also be involved in activities together. My sisters and I were all on the same soccer team. While my eldest sister was technically on a different team than my other sister and me because she was older, we all played at the same recreational center and had the same coaches.
We shared common interests and goals by playing soccer with the same coaches. Having a built-in best friend on the soccer field and knowing who to sit with on the bench was fun. Having a sibling is like having someone you can always depend on. Both on and off the soccer field, we will be able to rely on our siblings if we take the time to properly invest in their lives.
Parents need to pay careful attention to getting their kids involved in similar activities because it will help them become connected. Some parents want to send one kid to science club, the other to track, and another to private violin lessons. While all of these things might be great, it is also good for them to have time to spend together. This will ultimately help them grow to like one another and become lasting friends.
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5. Support a Lasting Friendship
5. Support a Lasting Friendship
Parents can help their children truly like one another; they must support their children in building lasting friendships. This means parents should encourage their children to spend time with one another, apologize to each other, forgive one another, and actively work through problems with each other. Parents should never try to pit a child against another child or encourage an argument.
Unfortunately, many parents act this way, and it is not healthy. Choose to support your children’s growth and friendships by doing all you can to help them. If it means spending a few extra dollars so they can get matching shoes or taking time out of your schedule to drive everyone to basketball practice, try to do what you can to help their relationships soar.
Parents have a weighty role to play in their children’s lives, and they don't need to overlook this. Children look up to their parents, and they will follow their example. Therefore, ensure you spend time with each sibling and promote an environment of peace rather than discord. Trust in the Lord to guide your family and do what you can to obey Him in raising your children.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Anastasiia Boriagina
Originally published April 12, 2025.
