Wow Your Spouse with 90 Days of Romance

Week 1: Revisit the past.

The number one reason couples who have filed for divorce decide to pull their papers and stick it out is they remember how much they have already invested in their marriage. Just like a bellow blows and an ember sparks into a flame, a couple that feels their love is growing cold will find their romance ablaze again when they take a trip down memory lane. 

In this week, you will pull out memorabilia like your wedding album and video, retell your love story to your children, or create a “flashback” date and return to the place you met, first said, “I love you,” first kissed, had your first date, proposed, or honeymooned.  

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Week 2: Try something new.

While doing research for the “Her Best Friend” phone app, Bill discovered that the primary characteristic of successful, long-lasting marriages is that the husband and wife have become best friends. 

In this week, you will brainstorm a list of new activities you two can try TOGETHER with the goal of finding something you BOTH love doing. Each of you brainstorm a bucket list: things to do, classes to take, places to go, hobbies to learn. Now compare lists, looking for common denominators. This might be the year to take that Pacific Rim Island cooking class that reminds you of that honeymoon in Hawaii! Or this could be the summer to have a weekly picnic at the pops symphony, or motorcycle to all the best burger places in the county.   

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Week 3: Get in the kitchen.

While writing Red Hot Romance Tips for Women, I discovered that science supports some of the mythological food aphrodisiacs. Creating a meal together using many of these heart healthy items can produce passion as you whisk, bake, and taste-test delectable ingredients.  

For a quick example, check out to power of beloved chocolate. 70 percent cocoa--a sweet, erotic staple--contains phenylethylamine which is linked to the release of endorphins. Dark chocolate increases the feelings of attraction between two people and causes a more intense and a longer brain buzz than kissing does. 

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Week 4: Hit the gym (or walk the neighborhood).

You will be more likely to enjoy Red Hot Monogamy if you are ALIVE and well! Couples that work out together have more sex than the average couple. This is NOT about looking perfect, rather about feeling healthy and strong. 

This week, you will discuss, decide and complete a health and wellness plan together. Exercise releases happy endorphins, but passion itself has an upside for your health too. For example, kissing for 15 minutes burns 30 calories.

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Week 5: Go outside and play.

The longer you are married, the more likely you are working harder and playing less. This is the week to find an activity you BOTH enjoy! 

For example, during our children’s teen years we were so busy supporting their sports we forgot what sports we loved to do as a couple. The year our first son launched into college we tried a variety of activities from cross country skiing to mountain biking in search of “the perfect set of sports.” We settled on sports of the sea: paddle boarding, kayaking, sailing, jet skiing and beachside biking. 

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Week 6: Rearrange responsibilities.

Couples are often in conflict over who does what and when. Once a year, Bill and I sit down to make goals and decide what the priorities are in our careers and at home. This is also a good time to discuss and delegate chores and household, yard, and car maintenance responsibilities. 

In Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, we have a “What’s Important to You” worksheet that helps a husband and a wife see which areas of your personal and family life matter most to each of you. The person who cares the most about a particular priority should pick up that area—no matter if it breaks gender stereotypes. If he’s a better cook and she loves to be outside mowing the lawn, go with it! 

A fun date this week could be a “trading places” swap. Change the side of the bed you sleep in, who drives the car when you are together, who cooks or does dishes, or even spend time in each other’s work places if that is possible. It is amazing the appreciation that builds when you walk in each other’s shoes.

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Week 7: Plan your legacy.

People often ask us how our family gets along so well and arguments seem very rare. One of the top contributing factors to family unity is to have a clear plan. In 10 Best Decisions a Parent Can Make, we share how to create a family compass including a Mission, Motto, and Moniker (or crest), and our yearly parenting plan to help our sons become “Learners and Leaders who Love God.” 

As parents, your marriage is strengthened as you realize your marriage is about much more than just your own personal happiness. God calls us all to pass the baton of faith to the next generation. 

If you are newlyweds, and having children is still in the future, this might be a great time to take a parenting class, read a parenting book, and discuss your views on child rearing. If you are empty nesters, you might decide to have a date that includes your grown kids and their significant others or the grandkids. Or maybe your date could be a scouting trip to check out venues for the next family reunion. 

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Week 8: Plan a marriage getaway.

This world is hard on people. Like us, one or both of you might come from families of origin filled with dysfunction and drama. A date that includes couple’s counseling, a marriage workshop, or retreat might be just the thing to repair broken hearts or broken dreams. 

To find a quality counselor in your area, we recommend visiting your local Christian bookstore, asking your own Pastor or Marriage Ministry Director, or contacting ministries like AACC or Focus on the Family. A favorite marriage tune up, with some of the best interpersonal communication tools, is a United Marriage Encounter getaway weekend. (If your marriage is in a tough place, we have a list of other resources in Marriage On the Rocks? Try Again!) 

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Week 9: Get creative with money.

Money is the number one area couples typically argue about! This week you will tackle this area and decide what one choice would most help you two move forward in unity. You might decide to watch some Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University or Crown Financial videos, or sign up for a class. It might be the week to actually create a budget, or clip coupons and go on a “two for one” date. Romance doesn’t have to be expensive. 

While writing 52 Ways to Wow Your Husband, I posted a contest on social media and ask friends to give examples of “Dates on a Shoestring Budget.” The winner wrote: “We each get $5 ($10 if we're lucky) we take turns going into a store while the other waits in the van... Usually Wal-Mart, Kwik Trip, ACE Hardware, or Goodwill... Sometimes we have a drawing for which store.) We each buy -- without the others' knowledge -- whatever we want for "Date Night."  Combining the two items into one date night is a hoot! He might buy a Styrofoam cup of worms and a six-pack of Mountain Dew for a few hours of fishing -- and I purchase a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle.”

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Week 10: Grow in faith.

Couples that attend church weekly, pray together daily, and are in small group Bible studies with those who believe in long lasting love, tend to also have a long lasting marriage and rate their sex life as more satisfying than the average couple. Mutual spiritual growth creates a pathway to true intimacy. God created us body, soul, and spirit, so as we seek to interweave our spiritual lives it builds trust, which is the key that unlocks freedom to enjoy your intimate life. 

Dates to develop your shared walk with God could include watching a Christian marriage video (like our Red Hot Date Night), popping some popcorn and watching a movie produced by a Christian movie company like War Room or Fireproof, or attending a Christian music concert of a favorite or new artist. 

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Week 11: Minister together.

Even in marriage, it is “more blessed to give than receive.” Some of the sweetest memories Bill and I have are times we have done ministry together. We started as newlyweds teaching 4-year-old Sunday School, and more recently, God has us traveling the world equipping couples and families in various cultures on love, marriage, and parenting. 

This week’s date is your opportunity to try a new ministry like serving food at a homeless shelter, gathering donations for a women’s center, teaching a children’s or teen’s class, or hosting a barbecue that reaches out to neighbors and friends that might not know Christ yet.  

People are looking at your marriage and wondering “What is the power that helps them stay in love?” We sign all our books with that answer, “We love because He [God] first loved us” (1 John 4:19). 

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Week 12: Engage the senses.

When all five senses are used in creating a date, that memory sticks! Researchers at Cambridge discovered if you are “super surprised” then you “super learn” and more details of that experience lodge deeper in your memory. 

This week you will each plan a mini date using all five senses. One of our most memorable dates was when I surprised Bill at a conference he was attending. I had a picnic basket that included some of his favorite luau foods from the islands, lotions we brought back from Hawaii, candles in coconut shells, Hawaiian print sarongs, and ukulele music by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole; as we experienced all five senses, we spent the night, “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.”

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Week 13: "Know" your spouse.

Lack of time is the number one reason couples cite for not having frequent sexual relations. The goal of this 90 day challenge is to increase the frequency and satisfaction level of your intimate life. Most weeks, sexual expression will likely happen simply because you are paying greater attention to one another, but this week you will talk about your sex life. 

In the Old Testament, the word most used for sex is “to know” and that is really the goal, to know your mate head to toe, inside and out, body, soul, and spirit. Philippians 2 encourages us to consider “others as more important than yourself” so this will be the night you keep your mate’s desires in mind. 

Pam and Bill Farrel are international speakers, relationship experts, and the authors of 45 books including Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, Red Hot Monogamy, 52 Ways to Wow Your Husband, and Red Hot Romance Tips for Women. Bill is the creator of Her Best Friend Phone App which sends one romantic idea a day to a man’s phone to wow and woo his wife. The Farrels have been happily married 36 years and together they are Co-Directors of Love-Wise.

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