4 Things to Do When You're Not Feeling the Christmas Spirit

Do you know how the world suddenly gets into a holiday spirit this time of year? Tiny twinkling lights seem to pop up out of nowhere, blow-up Santas start waving at you from your neighbor’s front yard, the church puts up a manger scene in its foyer, and every store in the nation is pumping out Christmas carols as if it’s the last year they could play?

Yeah. Me too. I noticed. I also took note of my own home. Barren of a tree, red plaid printed décor, sans lights, and that bubbly happy old man with the white beard. Sometimes, the Christmas spirit doesn’t envelope us as it does others. Sometimes, Christmas is a spirit of bitterness, grief, irritation, or even fear. It’s an automatic letdown of disappointment because we already know that we cannot be what everyone will expect us to be. We can hardly muster the energy to come home for Christmas, let alone revel in store-bought happiness and tinselly joy.

Maybe that’s you this Christmas. Perhaps you’re tired. Exhausted, really. Or perhaps so much has filled your year with trial, heartbreak, or wrongdoing that it’s hard not to stare at the advent calendar and wish it would fast-forward into January. Then, there’s everyone wanting you to be happy, to share in the excitement and revelry. So, ever the obedient, you paste on a happy face, or ever the not obedient, you hide in your basement. Whatever the end results, neither one leaves you feeling at all fulfilled.

So, what do you do when you’re not feeling the Christmas spirit?

1. Accept That It's Okay 

It’s okay to just not be there in your heart. Obligation has somehow attached itself to Christmas, and let’s be honest; reality doesn’t always lend itself to fulfilling the obligatory happy-happy, joy-joy. We can’t all be like Buddy the Elf, and more often than not, most of us probably relate to the Grinch or Scrooge.

What makes it worse is when you’re trying to pretend. The putting on of the mask often drains us of any chance of Christmas spirit. Instead, take a step back. Sit down for a moment. Rest. Consider the truth of the matter. You aren’t in the mood for Christmas. And that is okay.

Scripture has no written clause that “thou must have a Christmas merry heart.” There is simply a reminder to remember. Remember the nativity and Who came with it. I’m sure when Jesus was born, our manufactured Christmas spirit wasn’t forefront on either Joseph or Mary’s mind. Surviving, making ends meet, and trying not to be hunted by a crazed Hebrew king, was.

2. Refocus on What’s Important

Ironically, most places you go will encourage you to focus on family and friends as the most important elements of Christmas. But let’s take this deeper. Further.

What is important is why this entire holiday even exists in the first place. The birth of a Savior. Focusing on that and what resulted from that significant historical event is critical to refocusing. The birth of Jesus changed the entire course of history. Even if a person were to argue that He was not the Son of God, Jesus, as a man, still changed history dramatically. And, assuming you believe that He is indeed the Son of God—the Messiah—the perspective that fact brings into our lives leaves Christmas sleigh bells in the snow-dust of Jesus’ footsteps.

3. Determine to Dwell

Determine to dwell on the truth of Christmas. Not the lists of gifts, the decorations, the family gatherings, the Christmas movies, the traditions. No. Determine to fixate on the truth that is the coming of the Christ-child into a world that is broken and in desperate need of fixing.

The ushering in of Jesus also ushered in the opportunity for man to once again reunite in intimacy with God. Jesus bridged the gap to eternity and brought down condemnation on sin and death and all that stood between Him and us.

Stop reading now. Think about that.

Nothing stands between you and Jesus but the mere fact of His grace. Dwell on that. Because of the Christ-child, you have been set free. There truly is no greater gift, and yet somehow, at Christmas, we dumb it down, dial it back, drown it in green and red, slap a bow on it, and the coming of Christ becomes as cute as the front of a Christmas card. Instead, it should trumpet its way into our hearts, transforming our bitterness, grief, anxiety, fear into faith, hope, peace, and joy. A joy that isn’t based on circumstance but rooted in the coming of the Christ-child and the ultimate intimacy that invites fellowship with Him.

4. Stop Manufacturing Feelings

And then, once you’ve dwelt on the magnitude of the awesomeness that are the events surrounding the first unofficial Christmas, stop attempting to create feelings. Feelings are just that. Feelings. They will ebb and flow. Euphoria will be there one moment. Peace the next. Anxiety follows. Then it switches back to hope with an automatic guarantee of plummeting at some point into melancholy. Emotions and feelings are fickle. We were never meant to be grounded in an emotional center point. The Christmas spirit is an idea but not a state of being. Don’t dwell on not having it. It’s a pointless pursuit.

Remember, circumstances and feelings will fluctuate as you enter into Christmas. They will toss us to and fro. The grief of the missed absence of a loved one. The frustration that there weren’t enough finances to buy the kids the gifts they wanted. The realization that you’re all sick and must miss every Christmas celebration. If those are the foundations of your Christmas spirit, then you’re on iffy ground for sure. But if Jesus—if the Christ-child—and what happened in Bethlehem so long ago becomes the foundation of your Christmas spirit, then you will find yourself enveloped in the warmth of hope that comes from Someone secure. A promise of future, of hope. Regardless of our circumstances.

I know I breathe easier when I realize that Christmas is just a created holiday for us to get lost in. Lost in the nostalgia, the memories, the visions of what we want it to be versus what it really is. Why do I breathe easier? Because I realize Christmas is not a lot different than any other day of the year. Except for my Christmas? The one with Jesus at the center? It comes with a promise.

So, this time of year, cling to promise—His promise. Accept where you’re at in life, refocus on what will change your life, dwell on that promise, and don’t live in an emotion or a feeling. Allow God to reach from the heavens as He did the night Christ was born. Allow Him to bring you good tidings of great joy. Allow Him to remind you that unto you a child is born, a Savior, and He is Christ the Lord. The Christmas spirit is fleeting, but His promises endure forever.

Jaime Jo Wright is an ECPA and Publisher’s Weekly bestselling author. Her novel “The House on Foster Hill” won the prestigious Christy Award and she continues to publish Gothic thrillers for the inspirational market. Jaime Jo resides in the woods of Wisconsin, lives in dreamland, exists in reality, and invites you to join her adventures at jaimewrightbooks.com and at her podcast madlitmusings.com where she discusses the deeper issues of story and faith with fellow authors.