Mother's Day and the Dilemma the Church Faces

Mother's Day was the brainchild of a woman named Anna Jarvis. After her mother died in 1905, Anna wanted a way to honor her mother's sacrifices for her children. Thus began her campaign for Mother's Day, which President Woodrow Wilson officially established as a national holiday in 1914.

This holiday, which was established with good intentions, has turned into a day of mixed emotions. I've seen these emotions displayed each year as church leaders strive to celebrate mothers while being sensitive to those who are not.

As your church begins preparation for Mother's Day, I encourage you to pray for your church leaders as they navigate these waters. If you've never considered the struggle that goes into celebrating this holiday, I hope this enlightens you and gives you a new perspective.

Mothers of All Ages:

Knowing the origin of this holiday, it makes sense to put the spotlight on those who are actively mothering. This could be a young mom with little ones or an older mom with adult children.

Some churches give a gift to each mother. But what should that gift be? What gift is meaningful to a mother with young children, a mother with high school or college students, and a mother with grown children?

While it may seem logical to celebrate mothers of children and leave it at that, many church leaders struggle with the fear of hurting feelings by recognizing some and not others.

Those Who Want to Be Moms But Aren't:

I can't imagine the pain felt on Mother's Day by those who desperately want children. Women who struggle with infertility often avoid corporate worship on Mother's Day because watching the celebration of those who have what they don't is too heartbreaking.

This heartbreak is also felt by mothers who have had abortions, given babies up for adoption, or women who have outlived one of their children. And then there are the single women who deeply desire their own families.

Many churches have gone out of their way to include all women in their Mother's Day celebrations by leaning on this quote by Gloria Furman from her book Missional Motherhood:

"Mothering (or nurturing) is a calling not just for women who have biological or adopted children. Mothering is a calling for all women. Every Christian woman is called to the spiritual motherhood of making disciples of all nations. Our nurturing is, by nature, missional."

The Spiritual Mother:

Being a spiritual mother is no small thing. We see the encouragement for this in Matthew 28:19-20 "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."

Again, in her book Missional Motherhood, Gloria Furman summarizes this verse by saying, "The motherhood to which every Christian woman is called is making disciples of all nations."

This idea of missional motherhood being a calling for all women should give women of all ages a sense of purpose. However, while some delight in the thought of celebrating all women on Mother's Day, others do not.

Checking Our Hearts:

As some churches move toward celebrating all women in the spirit of Missional Motherhood, these gestures have actually caused hurt feelings in some women who are actively in the throes of motherhood. Some mothers feel it degrades their sacrifice to celebrate all women. While giving one's time to be a spiritual mother can be taxing, they say it is not to be compared to the lifelong commitment of parenthood.

You can see how this topic creates many emotions. I hope you can also see how this topic reveals our self-focused nature.

For some, Mother's Day is a day of joy; for others, it is a day of heartache. No church can possibly accommodate the feelings of every woman in the room and anticipate the reaction that this holiday might cause any given individual. Each of us must check our hearts on this matter and remember what this day is all about.

A New Perspective:

All too often, this debate surrounds how a person desires that they be celebrated. But Anna Jarvis fought for Mother's Day to honor her mother's sacrificial love, not so that she herself would be honored. And the rest of the story is that, years later, Anna personally disowned Mother's Day and campaigned to have it removed as a national holiday after seeing it become commercialized.

I hope we can all agree that what would be more God-honoring is to turn our focus back to the origin of this holiday and to the origin of all mothers.

Everyone alive today, male and female, has a mother. Instead of focusing on being celebrated, let's focus on celebrating. This mindset should, for the Christian, turn our focus back to our Heavenly Father.

If your mother is no longer living, you can honor her by simply passing on a family tradition, reading her favorite book, sharing memories of her, or putting fresh flowers on her grave. This is also a good time to love on other ladies in your life whose mothers have passed on.

If you have a broken relationship with your mother or no relationship at all, you can honor God by thanking Him for the woman He used to give you life. You can use this as an opportunity to praise God for being the perfect parent. This is also an opportunity to love on mothers around you who are estranged from their children.

This Mother's Day, let's strive to take the focus off ourselves and give honor to our perfect parent, God the Father. Let's honor Him by honoring the life He has given us and any mother figure He has blessed us with along the way.

Related Resource: When Mother's Day Is Painful

This episode of Faith Over Fear is for everyone who feels the ache of longing for a loving and nurturing mother but, for your mental health and healing, have had to create firm boundaries with your mother, potentially even eliminating contact with her entirely. No one makes this decision lightly or without pain.

Beth Ann Baus is a wife and mother of two adult sons. She is a freelance writer and author of Sister Sunday, My So Much More, and His Power, Our Weakness: Encouragement for the Biblical Counselor. In her writing, Beth often pulls from her own experiences of abuse, anxiety, depression and OCD. Beth has a heart for homeschooling, women’s ministry, and is an ACBC-certified Biblical Counselor. She loves serving alongside her husband and pointing couples to the Word for strengthening their marriages and home life. You can find more from her at www.bethannbaus.com.