A Letter to the Woman Who Is Alone This Valentine's
In elementary school, it used to be a requirement for all students to give one another a Valentine's card on Valentine's Day. There would be a nice party and we would all exchange cards. I remember when I was in third grade, there were quite a few people I didn't like. Most of my friends were in different classes and the people who were in my class could be quite mean. Long story short, I didn't want to give them a Valentine's card.
I talked with my mom about this and she said that it was important to give everyone a Valentine's card even if they weren't the nicest to me because it didn't matter what they did, but it mattered what I did. In other words, just because someone isn't nice to you doesn't mean you have to be mean back to them. My mom also told me that their home life could be complicated; maybe their parents aren't very present for them, and the Valentine's card I would give them might make their entire day.
I followed my mom’s teachings and wrote up Valentine's cards for everyone in my class, even the bullies. And you know what? My mom was right. They weren't mean to me but instead said thank you. To this day, some of these kids are still my friends. Yes, they were mean to me at first, but the Valentine's card was almost like an olive branch, to which they took.
Growing Up
Once middle school came around, Valentine's Day was much different. Nobody was required to give one another a Valentine's card. Either you got one or you didn't. At my middle school, there was a special program where boys or girls could buy a flower for someone they liked and it would be delivered on their desk on Valentine's Day. Friends would send flowers to each other, and boys would send flowers to the girls with the girls sending flowers to the boys.
When I walked in on Valentine's Day in sixth grade, I was the only person whose desk did not have a flower on it. To say I felt worthless was an understatement. And to make matters worse, everyone noticed that I was the only one who didn't have a flower, and they made fun of me. It was sad, to say the least, but I'm glad that I didn't retaliate against those individuals or say something that I would have later regretted.
I remembered what my mom said in the past and I chose to stay quiet. I had my own Valentine's to pass out and I did. Despite this being a traumatic memory, I don't define myself by it anymore. However, it can be a thorn in my side when I think about spending Valentine's Day alone. Similar to the kid in sixth grade nobody liked, I continue to be that same kid—only just grown up.
Facing New Life Moments
Almost everyone I knew from college got married either during college or shortly after. In fact, one of my last friends from college just got married a few months ago, which means the entire friend group is married now, except for me. This often comes into my mind and makes me feel inadequate. Similar to how nobody picked me in middle school, nobody picked me in my adult life.
Maybe you are finding yourself in this same situation. You are alone on Valentine’s Day and it hurts. All you want is to be wanted and loved. Leave space for these feelings, but don’t allow them to destroy you. There are still beautiful times ahead, regardless of your relationship status. In fact, there are many things that I have been able to do in my adult life because I am not married, and these things have been fulfilling.
For one, I’m able to invest in more time with God, my family, and my friends. While marriage is a blessing, so is singleness (1 Corinthians 7:7). In Christ, we have been brought to fullness (Colossians 2:9-10). This means we are not lacking anything. Even if we feel we are broken or unwanted, we are complete in Christ and loved by Him.
I understand that feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness can still persist even after knowing this, but I want you to try fully applying it to your life. Jesus loves you—this will never change. Maybe we won’t ever find a spouse, but that is okay. At the end of all things, we as the Church will be married to Christ (Revelation 19:6-9). Earthly marriage will not continue forever as the only marriage that will continue forever is the Church’s marriage to Jesus.
Accepting the Pain
Maybe the pain is too much right now—and that is okay. There is nothing wrong with taking time to grieve and express your feelings. However, I also want you to know that just because you don’t have a husband now doesn’t mean you will never find one. You might find him this year or a few years from now. If you don’t ever find him, know that is okay too. I have often had to accept my own feelings concerning marriage as I know it is unrealistic for someone to want to be with me since I struggle with so many mental health concerns and physical health issues.
And that is okay. Life is more than marriage. While some believers will get married, others will not. In the grand scheme of things, it is all working out in accordance with God’s will. I have seen many women marry men who only later hurt them and destroyed them. In truth, I would rather stay single than be in a relationship such as this. Therefore, don’t be ashamed of your singleness on Valentine’s Day or any other day of the year.
Your life can still be beautiful as a single Christian. The life you live, you can live for God with full devotion (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). This is nothing to be ashamed of, but rather, something that should cause you to give thanks to the Lord. Living for Jesus and serving Him is exactly what we were created to do. When we are doing what we were created to do, we will be happy.
Happiness is a tricky subject for some Christians because they believe happiness is sinful. The idea that Christians are supposed to be sad and solemn all the time is not biblical. Jesus wants us to have a happy and fulfilled life. The Lord says, “Until now, you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask God, and you will receive what you ask for. Then you will be completely happy” (John 16:24, Easy English Bible).
In the Lord, there is happiness. Whether you are single or not this Valentine’s, find your hope and fulfillment in Jesus. He is the only One who will never let you down. The love He has for you is unconditional and unbreakable. Find comfort in Him this Valentine’s Day and rest in the knowledge that you are beloved. His love will far extend any love you could ever receive on earth as it is because of Him that you are saved.
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Originally published February 13, 2025.
