14 Creative Ways to Love Your Spouse This Valentine’s Day

Twelve years my husband and I have been married, and for 12 years we’ve found ourselves in contention over one seemingly silly day: Valentine’s Day.

You see, my husband, is analytical, logical and pragmatic. Whereas, I, at my core tend to lean a touch more emotional, romantic, and feeling.

While the demands of daily life and motherhood have certainly caused me to become more practical, there remains that single day of the year that I just want to throw practicality out the window and press into all things romantic, whimsy and dripping with ooey-gooey lovey-dovey-ness.

My husband finds this confusing. “Why, does one day a year have to be filled with romance?” he wonders. “Why do we have this one day to show each other that we love each other?”

In a practical sense, he is completely correct. No, couples certainly should not store up all their love, affection and romance for one singular day a year. That would be absolutely ridiculous.

Nevertheless, Valentine’s Day, tends to arrive annually with expectations and often—if you’re married to someone who long maintains that it is a Hallmark holiday—disappointment.

This year, I decided to ask my husband if he would be interested in becoming a little bit more proactive about Valentine’s Day. I expressed my understanding that, for him, a single day doesn’t hold a candle to every other day that we spend loving each other well, but also explained my desire for more intentionality because, for me, the day holds an added benefit of expressing our love above and beyond the daily.

Thankfully, he agreed!

We decided that we would spend the first 14 days of February intentionally engaging with each other romantically. During these 14 days we created a plan to appeal to each other’s love languages and specific personalities.

This plan, I’ve coined “Operation: Love Challenge.” For each day we are challenged to express our love and affection in tangible ways. These ways can be through a gift or action. These gifts and actions can be simple or extravagant.

If you’ve found yourself frustrated or disappointed around Valentine’s Day, or just wanting to try something new, ask your spouse to join in the challenge with you. There is no wrong way to use these prompts. If 14 days feels too overwhelming, perhaps split the list in two and alternate who dotes on who each day.

It’s a beautiful thing to extravagantly love on your spouse. Afterall, were we not first loved with abundant extravagance by God himself?

Photo Credit: ©Unsplash

1. Light up my Life

Do you remember how you looked at each other on your wedding day, the moment you saw her in that white dress, the moment you saw him waiting for you at the alter? Pause and reflect on that feeling.

Allow that feeling to be expressed either verbally or by writing them into a thoughtful card.

If you’re struggling to find the right words, perhaps start with descriptions. Communicate how you felt. Was your heart pounding? Did your eyes fill with tears? Share this with your spouse.

Communicating and reflecting on those sweet first moments together can fill you with nostalgia and warm memories. If you would like to include a gift with this day’s prompt consider something that creates light or a spark.

For example, a gift could be a new lantern or flashlight or reading lamp for the bibliophiles, a beautiful candle or even a map of the stars from an important moment together.

2. Physical Touch

Everyone has different love languages, even if physical touch isn’t a top love language for you or your spouse there in an abundance of scientific proof that physical touch is good for everyone’s health.

Hugs are said to reduce stress, lower blood pressure and release oxytocin, a hormone associated with happiness. So, for today’s prompt take some time to physically love on your spouse. Perhaps start with a long embrace—one study shows that a 20 second hug may be good for your overall heart health.

Gifts focusing on physical touch can be incredibly simple or more extravagant. You can “gift” your partner with a massage or foot rub or even go big with a professional massage or couples massage!

3. Music to my Ears

Music has the ability to move us, to stir our hearts and even help us remember things from our past.

If you happen to be musically inclined write your loved one a song, play your wedding song, or even create a playlist that will create a special moment for the two of you.

4. A Sweet for your Sweet

My husband loves Jelly-Belly’s whereas I’m a huge fan of Australian licorice. Every now and then on his way home from work he’ll run into the store and grab me my favorite gummy candy. When he gets home I can’t help but smile, just because I know he was thinking about me.

For today’s gift you have so many ways to love on your sweet! Pick them up their favorite goodie or lovingly bake them their favorite treat. Remember to include sweet little touches, a card or a pretty gift bag can go a long way in making your spouse feel special!  

5. Words of Affirmation

One of my husband’s love languages is words of affirmation. Our words matter; as Proverbs 16:24 reminds us, “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

Take time today to affirm your spouse. Maybe have a little coffee date or time together over a meal, or write down your thoughts in a card or journal that you share together. Be lavish with your words of affirmation. Build your loved one up with the things you say.

6. Soaked in Love

Today create a spa experience for your loved one. Light candles, pick up bath bombs, or bath salts and allow your spouse some time to just relax and soak. Turn on soothing music and create a quiet atmosphere.

You can even get fancy by creating your own spa water, it’s as easy as dropping some cucumber slices into a carafe of water. Your spouse deserves some love and relaxation at the end of a busy day. Show them you care by giving them of the kindness of replenishment.

Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Laura Ockel

7. Get Sweaty

A couple years ago I was at gym when I noticed a couple spotting each other while working out. This couple looked at each other with a twinkle in their eyes and even would share the occasional smooch between reps.

While smooching in the gym isn’t really my thing, the reality is that working out with our spouses has many benefits. Not only does the very act of working out release endorphins but according to several studies, working out with your partner, running at the same pace, or lifting weights in rhythm can create something called “nonverbal matching.”

Nonverbal matching helps people feel “emotionally attuned with one another.” Partners who experience non-verbal matching tend to report greater feelings of bonding with their partner.  So, today, carve out some time to work out with your spouse. You might take a run or a walk together and fall into rhythm with each other.

8. Apple of my Eye

Today treat your partner to something visually pleasing. You can take many different approaches to “pleasing the eye.”

Take some time to consider what would be visually pleasing to your spouse. Perhaps a beautiful photograph or finally framing those wedding pictures, putting on his or her favorite outfit, or gifting a meaningful piece of art.

What is something that can be physically seen that will speak to your spouse’s heart? Is it watching the sun set together, or watching their favorite romantic movie?

The sky is the limit when considering what appeals to your spouse.

9. Shall we Dance

Whenever I’m in a funk my husband has this fun little way of getting me out of it. He’ll turn on a pop song and start dancing. He cracks me up, because he’s got some serious moves. When I’m not in a great headspace “dancing it out” often sets me straight.

The same applies to engaging with each other romantically. At first, it might feel really silly to turn on a romantic song and dance together, but if you can’t be silly with your spouse, who can you really be silly with?

Today, pick a song, anything that makes you want to move and dance with your partner. You can even take this prompt a step further and take a dance class together.

10. An Appetite for Love

No Valentine’s Day date list would be complete without a special meal. This year, maybe instead of going out to eat, spend some time together cooking and focusing on each other.

Maybe order one of those meal prep boxes and try something new. Another great option, if cooking at home doesn’t sound appealing, is to take a cooking class together.

Allow yourselves to be playful as you prepare your meal. If you are at home, set a beautiful table, light candles, turn on music. The whole point is to be intentionally connecting with each other.

11. Love Is Listening

It is so incredibly important to feel heard. Today, take some time to really talk with your spouse. Recently, I ordered a box of relationship conversation starters.

Oh my goodness, the depth of conversation that has come out of the little box is so meaningful. Use today’s prompt to really listen to your spouse. Don’t wait for your turn to speak, just listen and ask them thoughtful questions.

You’d be amazed how a single intentional question can draw so much out of your spouse.

Here are a few of my favorites to get a conversation warmed up: 1. Is there anything you’ve longed to do with your life yet that you haven’t? 2. How do you find yourself coping with your emotions lately? 3. What’s something you actively try to avoid in life? 4. What’s one of you’re biggest stressors lately? 5. What are you grateful for right now?

12. Quality Time

If you’re a gift buyer, or gifts are your spouse’s love language, consider using this prompt to purchase your spouse a special time-piece. Perhaps a new watch with an engraved note of the back will speak to your loved one, or a vintage alarm clock, or for the cook in your life a fun kitchen timer.

Have fun purchasing a special little-something for the one you love.

Another option is to give your time to your spouse. Your time can be used in several different ways. Maybe your spouse just needs time with you.

So, give your spouse all of your attention. Or maybe your spouse needs some of your time, meaning they’ve needed your help with something around the house or checking off an item on a “honey-do” list. While quality time isn’t one of my highest love languages, I do feel incredibly loved when my husband shares his time with me in order to accomplish something.

The task might be as small as hanging a picture or taking care of a few household items. Determine how your spouse would best be served with your time, and if you’re not sure, ask them!

13. Our Love Is Alive

I love cut flowers, a beautiful arrangement just speaks to my soul. Use today’s prompt to consider gifting your spouse something life-giving or better yet, something actually alive!

Maybe today bring your spouse a beautiful flower arrangement or living plant. Maybe house plants and flowers aren’t your spouse’s thing; consider the things that just bring them to life.

What is your spouse passionate about? Engage with them and ask them about their passions. What gets their heart pumping or pounding? Make what is important to your spouse important to you.

14.You and Me, the Best Is Yet to Be

Typically, when we enter into the union of marriage, we do so with the hope and intention of having a life-long partnership with our spouse. So, on Valentine’s Day do something with your spouse or for your spouse that supports a dream that they have.

Maybe your spouse has a lifelong desire to learn Italian or become a pastry chef or write a novel. Show your spouse that you believe in their dreams.

Or, alternatively, use this day to dream together. Spend some time thinking about what you’d like your relationship to look like as you continue to grow together. Set goals and write down your dreams, and then—and here’s the kicker—make an action plan to accomplish those goals.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Kieferpix

Rachel Baker is the author of Deconstructed, a Bible study guide for anyone who feels overwhelmed or ill-equipped to study the word of God. She is a pastor’s wife and director of women’s ministries, who believes in leading through vulnerability and authenticity. She is a cheerleader, encourager, and sometimes drill-sergeant. She serves the local church alongside her husband, Kile, in Northern Nevada. They have two amazing kiddos and three dogs. Rachel is fueled by coffee, tacos, and copious amounts of cheese. For more on her and her resources to build your marriage, see her website: www.rachelcheriebaker.com or connect with her on Instagram at @hellorachelbaker.