3 Reminders to Help You Return to Your First Love This Valentine’s Day

The Bible tells us that God is love. It declares He loved us first. It calls Him our first love. But when pain or troubles come into our lives, we might, in the deepest corners of our hearts, wonder, “Is that really true? Does God really love me?” (1 John 4:8-19, Isaiah 63:7-14) 

People have wrestled with this question literally forever. And when we’re hurt (and if we’re honest) we ask it too. How could a God who claims to love me allow this in my life? All of the sudden, even if we know the Word, even if we’ve been believers for years, maybe loving God feels a little risky. We know He whispers, “return to your first love,” but deep down we wonder if that’s really the best thing for us.

Therapists say that the building blocks of any healthy relationship are safety, trust, then love – in that order. Meaning, without the foundation of safety, there can be no trust or love. But if safety is established and trust is built over time, then true, lasting love can grow. Conversely, when the sense of safety is eroded, then trust crumbles, and love is put into question. 

Let me clarify a bit – this model is referring to emotional love. As believers, we are called to love our enemies; there will obviously be no safety or trust when loving our enemies, but that kind of commanded love is different. Thus, the building blocks of safety, trust, and love help us understand the feeling of love in healthy relationships.  

God wants relationship with us. He is not our enemy. So, emotionally speaking, when we wonder if God really loves us, perhaps what we’re really questioning is whether or not God is safe and trustworthy. If we desire to deeply believe that God loves us – and love Him in return – those feelings of safety and trust might be worth exploring. 

1. God Is Safe

Our brains are funny about safety. We can intellectually know that we are safe, but if we feel unsafe, that knowledge doesn’t really matter. Think about the last time you woke up from a nightmare. The logical part of you knew right away that you were physically safe, but it likely took you a while to actually feel safe.   

So when it comes to our relationship with God, we can intellectually know verses that tell us that God is our refuge and fortress, that He fighting for us, that He is our shelter and protector. But feeling the safety that He promises is another thing entirely. 

I know because I’ve been there. I’ve been a strong believer since I was very young. I know the Word. I know who my Lord says He is. But about two years ago, a major upheaval in my life caused me to have a hard time feeling that I was safe with Him. I read and re-read all the verses about the security He promises His children – but I didn’t feel that at all. It was a very dark and, frankly, a very scary season for me.  

Thankfully, feelings – though real and worthy of acknowledgment – don’t have to control us. Christian counselor Leslie Vernick illustrates it this way: Draw a large circle and write “ME” inside it. Next to that circle, draw three smaller circles labeled “thoughts,” “feelings,” and “body,” then connect them to the “ME” circle with three lines. 

Now, mentally put your feeling of unsafety into the “feelings” circle. That feeling is real, and it’s connected to you, but it is NOT YOU. You are a child of God who can rest in the truth that God is your refuge, fortress, shelter, and protector. The unsafe feeling is there, and that’s okay – if you’re going through a season of pain, it’s natural to feel this way. 

But instead of letting that unsafe feeling overtake the ME circle, we can put it in the smaller circle and process it through the lens of what we know to be true: God IS safe because He says He is. Feelings of unsafety can be separated from what we know to be true – like waking up from a nightmare.

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Pcess609 

2. God Is Trustworthy

Once a foundation of safety is reestablished, we can then focus on trust. Therapists define trust as consistent positive behavior over time. As such, this block takes a long time to rebuild when it comes to fractured or shaky relationships with humans.

But with God, it should be a little easier for us. Why? Because He is always faithful and has been consistent in character forever. Malachi 3:6 says, “I the Lord do not change.” Hebrews 13:8 reminds us that He’s the same “yesterday, today, and forever.” We don’t need to see months or years of consistent behavior from God in order to trust Him; we already see His consistent character of faithfulness and goodness through His Word. It’s who He’s been for generations and who He’ll continue to be for eternity.

That certainly does not mean we’ll always understand what faithfulness and goodness look like in the present. Again, that’s okay. It’s okay to think that your current circumstances aren’t good. Using the same illustration above, we can put that thought into the smaller “thoughts” circle. That frees the ME circle up to focus on ways that God has worked good out of bad before in our personal lives, in the lives of others, and in the lives of people we read about in His Word. 

He has shown Himself to be good and faithful again and again. He is trustworthy. When we set aside thoughts that seem less-than-good for now, we can more clearly see His trustworthiness over time.   

3. God Is Love 

Now to the heart of the matter. If we are able to grasp that God is safe and trustworthy, can we really believe that He loves us and we can love him in return? 

In psychology terms, the circle exercise above is called utilizing executive functioning to practice healthy compartmentalization in order to process cognitive dissonance. (Whew, what a mouthful.) In biblical terms, we might liken it to “taking every thought captive.” But in spiritual terms, I see it so beautifully illustrated in the heart’s groan of “I believe, help my unbelief.”

We see this familiar line cried out to Jesus in Matthew 9:14-29, from a father whose son was tormented by an evil spirit. Imagine the horror, the suffering. This father (and son) had been living in a wide-awake nightmare for years. His circumstances screamed unsafe and untrustworthy. 

But look, friend. Look what this father does. He sets those feelings and thoughts aside; they’re real, and he acknowledges they’re still there by calling them “my unbelief.” But those feelings and thoughts are not who he is. Who he is – the ME of him – says, “I believe.”  

This is it. This is how we return to our first love, even when loving Him feels risky. We choose to say, “My thoughts and feelings in this season do not define ME. I believe.”

I believe that when You say I am loved and call me your child, your beloved, your bride – You mean every word. When You say You are love, I believe. Because You’ve already shown the greatest love by sending your Son for me, I believe. 

Yes, pain and troubles can make us wonder if God really loves us. Our untrustworthy thoughts and unsafe feelings are real, and we can be honest about them, just like that father was to Jesus. “I believe, help my unbelief” helps us live in a reality of love even in the middle of nightmarish circumstances. 

Those thoughts and feelings aren’t you, friend. The real you believes the truth: A safe and trustworthy God truly loves you. And His whisper to return to that love really is the best thing for you. 

Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/kieferpix 

Melissa Richeson is a freelance writer and editor for Medi-Share, based in Central Florida. Her work has been featured in places like The Washington Post, Florida Today, Sunlight Press, BiggerPockets Wealth Magazine, WDW Magazine, and many other outlets. As a Medi-Share member, she shares regularly about her positive CCM experience over the past decade. Melissa can often be found in real life at the beach, or virtually on her freelance website.

Originally published January 16, 2025.